I've been dragging this out for so long

[Swederica]

I know i've been thinking of it for too long really. But i just can't get over it.
As some already know i found out when i moved here to be with my Katelyn that she danced with another guy. From what i understood back then it was in april or something. We were together at that point. Now yesterday i asked some of her friends about it. One of her friends was really helpful and said it was really short and awkward and i shouldn't worry about it. That she's not like that. The other said it was suddenly in July. Then i got a new weird thing on my mind. It was at one of her friends bday parties so i checked her bday. It was July 27th. At that time it was just 9 days til i would arrive. I remember myself walking around trying to make time go by. I know it's like 3 months ago but it still hurts so much. I'm trying not to think about it. I'm trying not to let it bother me that much. But lately it feels in a way that we are sliding apart. That might very much be my fault with my never-ending issues. So while two of her friends was really helpful and said that she's not like that and it was a one-time thing and it didn't mean anything, her third friend had a different approach. She started complaining about me. She justified Katelyn's actions and said that it was my decision to come here and that noone forced me too.
She was the last one i spoke to and that hurt. I just felt so unwelcomed here all of a sudden. Like Katelyn didn't want me to come here, even if it was her friend that said that.

To conclude i don't really know how to deal with it all. It's just so much all the freakin time. I don't regret coming here. I still love her. She's my everything in the whole wide world.

The only reason i put it in this forum is that i want to get answers kind of fast and from a variety of people.

[Veronica]

Honestly i dont think it is a big deal that she danced with someone else, it might just been a friend, it doesnt really mean anything. I dont think you should worry about that, im sure that if she didnt want you there she would have told you. I dont understand why one of her friends would be mean to you, of course you werent forced to go there, but its definitely not a one presons decision. I think that all you need right now is a good talk with your girl, not about the dancing or the friends, but about how much you love her and how you missed her, i bet she loves you too very much. My advice is not to worry about the dancing, thats from my experience, in my career 80% of the ppl are guys, and ive made really good male friends that i study with, go for walks with, go out in groups with and i never had any feelings for any of them because i know i already found my special man, so unless you good solid reasons to not trust Katelyn i think you should let it go and relax.

[Swederica]

Thanks. I'm trying my best. My mind is a complex creature though. The one she danced with was a stranger and she didn't like him or anything.
I'm trying to work my best on it. Thanks for your help

[LadyMarchHare]

I know I'm gonna sound like everyone else, but it was a dance. You're reading more into it than there really is. A dance means nothing, goodness knows I've danced with guys I never knew, never talked to again. I've had guys hug me, touch my hair (they like feeling where it's shaved) but none of it means anything.

You mentioned having issues, is there a way to see even a school counselor for help? Because it sounds to me like you're letting your imagination run and she's not doing anything which, yeah, can ruin all the progress you've made to be with her. Best of luck.

[blankita719]

A dance is just a dance...if you found out she was kissing him, then I'd have cause for concern. Trust is the most important thing in any relationship, no matter the distance. If she's done nothing else that would cause you to suspect her for doing something wrong, then I would let it go. I understand how difficult that is, I think we've all had our jealous streaks over things, but I think you stressing yourself out over this one thing only causes a bigger issue. As far as the friend goes, you have to learn to ignore some people. They will just be negative to be negative. If she didn't want you there, I'm sure she would have spoken up before now. Hope it gets better

[Zephii]

I agree, it's just dancing. I think the reason you're letting it get to you is simply that the whole experience is overwhelming right now.

[Caity]

*Hugs* I think you're overly stressed right now and it's causing you to look for negative things. You need to relax a bit =) Just dancing with some random feller months ago would not change any of her feelings for you. I dance with alot of guys because I am a dancer and take part in alot of folk dance events such as ceilidhs where it's normal to dance with random strangers. Alot of the dances involve all the girls being passed around from man to man. There's no reason for you to start worrying yourself over a dance. Her friend may not have meant what she said neither. She may be jealous now that you've turned up and now Katelyn is sending less time with them to be with you. That could make her spiteful and she may have said it without thinking.

[twicedouble]

So we've heard from the girls. =P

From a guy's perspective, I might be just as upset. Yes, I'm aware, a dance is just a dance. In the long run, I'm not sure it would really matter to me. But in the short run, it would certainly eat me up inside.

But I think you should weigh all of these feelings and these doubts with how much you trust her.

In the long run, remember, you moved there to be with her. You obviously trust her enough to unseat your life and move somewhere else. If she says it wasn't a big deal, then it wasn't a big deal.

Personally, I would go to her myself and tell her how I felt. Perhaps there's something more she could say to reassure you. There's nothing wrong with being a little insecure and if you can be transparent with anyone, it's the woman you want to spend your life with.

Every time someone has a problem with their S/O they go to someone for help. It's understandable, you want to talk to someone who isn't involved in the situation, someone who can be objective. A lot of times we don't think to talk to our S/O because we'd have to be vulnerable.

Until mind reading is invented, the only way you're ever going to know what someone is thinking for sure is by asking them.

[Veronica]

I think that is really good advice twicedouble

[twicedouble]

I think that is really good advice twicedouble

Thanks, you can call me Colin. =D

[Caitlin2009]

she only danced with him she didnt do anything else, i wouldnt worry about it so much

[Swederica]

Thanks for all the help and advices.

I just want to add that i don't really have other people to talk to about my relationship. So the only one i'm really talking about it with is my SO.
The thing is that even if she's reassured me countless times that it was really short and awkward and that it's the biggest mistake of her life i still start thinking about it.
So i have talked alot about it with my SO, even if i notice she is getting tired of it because frankly she's done everything in her power to make me feel better.

I know that you are right. It's just one dance, a short dance. I'm going to call her today and say i'm sorry for all the problem i've caused and tell her that i forgive her and that i will do my best not to bring it up again. She told me last night to try and change that image of her dancing with another guy to something happy we've done together. I will try to do so. Because since then we have done so much fun stuff. It's also only when i'm away from her or not talking to her that my mind starts to wander. When i'm with her or talking to her she makes me so calm and normal.

Like one of her friends said, one of the positive ones. "She's the best girlfriend you could have ever found! So try to be happy and forgive and forget. It wasn't a big deal"

[MoonWatcher]

Everyone has pretty much stated already the important stuff. I just thought I would add something to maybe put your mind more at ease.

I am a ballroom dancer and teach dance of all kinds. Some of them are romantic, some are just fun. I've had many different partners, including my best friend's fiance (she was cool with it since we were all best friends). I can promise you: just because you dance with someone doesn't mean you're attracted to them or have chemistry. In fact even the sexiest dances I've done never led to any feelings on either side. The fact that she only had ONE dance with him tells me they probably didn't click at all, even just as friends. I wouldn't read anything into that at all.

Oh, and I'll also add... YOU should try dancing with her! Sweep her off her feet!

[Swederica]

True they have.

I'd like to add that she doesn't dance often at all, atleast not with guys. Actually i think that was one of the only times she danced with a guy. Once again she says it was in the heat of the moment, her biggest mistake of her life, that it was only 5-10 seconds long, that it was super-awkward, that it didn't mean anything, that she have never talked to that guy again and that it wasn't really dirty dancing.

So i don't know why my head is messing things up.

[Andy]

I know Tanja really loves dancing when she's out with friends, and I know she has danced with guys she knows, and probably strangers too I'm guessing. It doesn't really bother me to be honest, it's just a dance, not more than a bit of fun. I trust her completely so it's not an issue. In fact she told me in the summer that she was in her local bar dancing with some guy, and her Dad came over and told him "you know she's taken don't you?" cause he used to have a crush on her

He's a super shy person too apparently, poor sod

I think if I was there with her though, it'd probably get to me if I'm honest, although I probably wouldn't say so. It might not, but I imagine it would. Weird that isn't it?

I suppose it's an out of sight, out of mind thing to some extent. I'm not really interested to know every detail of her nights out, otherwise you can easily start to fill in missing details and make it into a whole different story when in fact nothing of the sort happened. I can't even remember the last tiome she went out with her friends anyway, all she seems to do is work these days

Anyway, I know it's easier said than done, but try to forget about it and not think about it. It won't feel like a big deal at all in a few months time hopefully.

All the best with this.