Being "Official"

[NaNi]

My SO and I became official before we met in person. We did this because we already had strong feelings for each other and also because my SO went to a party one day and I was thinking "what if somebody tries hitting on her?" So we talked about it and we both wanted to become official then.

[NikkiP]

I'm glad you've got some clarity and understanding in it. I had no idea when I booked my flight to meet Ryan whether or not I was ready for a relationship (we had the chance to meet almost right after we figured out that we really liked each other... literally one week after our first phone conversation) but after we met he was like "okay this is it, I'm not doing this unless we're going to have a relationship."

[Joyce:)]

we had no labels for a few months, until my visit this christmas. i don't know, i always considered him my boyfriend, but i felt more reassured when we decided to label the thing

[lucybelle]

My SO and I were "just friends" for almost a year and a half. We were in an open relationship that worked very well for the both of us. We saw other people, but still told each other that we loved each other. After over a year of this, we both decided that we wanted to be together "exclusively". So no more seeing other people. We were going to wait for each other. And now we live together. Like I said, for us it worked really well but it doesn't work like that for everyone.

[13000km]

Both of us didn't want to call it a relationship, even though we weren't seeing other people and already had really strong feelings for each other. We didn't meet in person for a year, and I remember in one of the little fights we had before my trip up there he said "it doesn't even matter what we say/think we are. We are dating, as much as we don't want to admit it, we are in a relationship and have been for a long time". Or something along that lines.

[jherelinh]

In my opinion, the label is a way to tell everyone about your relationship (let say, facebook status is a perfect example). It's like... a declaration that you belong to each other, and sometimes, it helps you to be more responsible about your relationship. If your partner still don't want to "be official", there must be somthing (or problem) that makes him hesitate to do that, or in worse case, he/she doesn't consider your relationship is serious. Well, if you're truly in love with each other, there is no reason to hide it from everyone

[thatstormynight]

I would not be official with my boyfriend for a long time as well. We were basically together for a year before I wanted to go official. We were both not dating anyone else. But I just wanted it to be "perfect", I wanted to wait until he visited and could ask me in person. He thought it was strange, but it worked out for us. I'm just an OCD kind of person like that haha.

[w.joseph]

In my case, we are still not official. Sometimes it makes me sad, but I can understand that. Long story short, i was in Canada studying and met him just 2 weeks before my return to my home country, then we had a chance to meet in europe, but for a week only. He always told me that he would definitely have a relationship with me if we werent so apart (8000 miles)
Now we are at the point of "what we are supposed to do" thing; give it a try, forget or just ignore each other. Each choice is sooo hard. The thing is we both like each other so much, but we cant even communicate frequently and it is just email. I cant come up with a solution for the future, so I cant tell him to fully commit and be official... He had written me he would take me out for valentine's day if i was there and nice things such that. I know sometimes we dont need to label everything, but it feels insecure when we dont.

[vpavelock]

As much as people may say labels are unimportant, labels get people on the same page. I think you really should talk more with him about why he doesn't believe in labeling it.

[leaveluck2heaven]

For the first month or so of our relationship, our labels and such were really funny because Gabriel was really self conscious about it. I'm quite a bit older than him- I'm a junior in college, he's still in high school. For the first couple weeks, he didn't want to put any labels on at all, just see what happened. Eventually I became uncomfortable with that (ie, having sex with someone who wasn't my boyfriend) and we kind of labeled the relationship but he didn't want to tell anyone. My best friend knew because she knows everything and I think his best friend knew because we spend a lot of time just the three of us so he must have figured it out. Eventually it kind of leaked to our friends but his family didn't know and he didn't want to put it on facebook and have them find out that way. (I know, why is facebook the way we judge these things?) At one point we listed ourselves as "in a relationship" but didn't let it list with who, and that caused more complications because my emotionally abusive ex saw it and started harassing me ): But one day I just woke up and he had requested me to list him and it was a good feeling because I was starting to feel like he was ashamed for dating me

[Zapookie]

My SO and I still are somewhat unofficial... we both have a silent pact that we won't see anyone else (we never said "ok we're not going to see other people".. more along the lines of "if you want me to stay loyal to you, I will, because I want you and I only expect the same in return").

we are friends over facebook, and he changed his relationship status to "in a relationship" and I questioned him about it and jokingly asked who he was in a relationship with.. he said something along the lines of palmela handerson (haha). but then I knew it was me.. and a couple of weeks later I changed mine as well.. it doesn't say who its with, but to me, it sort of cements it and now keeps both of us accountable.

he's coming here to visit in the next couple of months, and he has told his friends and family about me. we are waiting until we meet to become official. I am comfortable with that and so is he.. we don't call each other bf/gf.. our term is "boo/booboo" for now.