Confused and Frustrated

[H87]

I'm so confused and frustrated right now I don't understand what's going on, everyone here as been super helpful in the past and I'm hoping you can help me now too.
My boyfriend is my dream guy; he has all the qualities I look for. So everything should be great, but its not.
Everything was perfect before we met. We had a few miscommunications occasionally but we were always able to talk through them. As it got closer to meeting, I got really nervous and I noticed I began to put my guard up a little but I didn't really think much of it I figured as soon as we met everything would be perfect again.
Friday was awesome, but its almost a blur to me. I don't really remember any of my emotions. I have the pictures and I remember what we did, but it went by so fast that I didn't really have time to remember much. I know I started feeling sick at the end of the night which kind of ruined my mood a little but not bad enough. And I remember not being able to sleep at all that night and dwelling on everything that happened. Then Saturday was terrible! I was quite grumpy and irritable. My boyfriend and I hardly interacted at all, we just kind of walked around. He didn't even talk to me much.
The fireworks weren't there for me on Saturday, and fireworks for me are super important. I realize they won't always be there, but why weren't they there for me?! There has to be some spark and it just seems way too early for the honeymoon period to be over. I've had massive fireworks with almost all of my exes, but not so much with my current boyfriend. I love him and my mom thinks I really love him and I'm scared and fighting it. I'm scared, I want this relationship to work more then anything but clearly there is something off Please help! I know I can't be the only person who has hit this roadblock.

[elina]

Sorry to hear you're feeling like that

Have you talked to your boyfriend about your thoughts and feelings? Has he said anything about how he felt on/after that visit?

The first time might not always go the way you planned and expected, maybe next time will be different? How has it been for you guys now that you're apart again? Has it gone back to normal?

Hope everything works out for you.. take care *hugs*

[Zephii]

All I can say is talk about it and plan a second visit. It's possible you're feeling this way just because you were sick so you need to go back and like, get a second opinion.
Personally I think that all the added stress of trying to get the perfect moment and the perfect setting (i read your blog) took your attention away from the feelings that are supposed to take place. Perhaps it's just stress.

I'm not at all trying to be rude, so don't get me wrong, but I also think in two months, even talking every day, it might be too soon to say "he's the one". Keep getting to know him. Keep asking questions and trying to deepen that bond, and most of all be patient

I wish you all the best.

[Silviar]

It sounds to me like you gave yourself a lot of pressure, and it may have caused you to hyperfocus. Relax! Not every moment is going to be a huge fireworks explosion - there are many sparklers in there, and those and their longevity is even more important than big bangs. Keep talking, keep spending time together, and you'll have your answer after about 6 months or so.

[mllebamako]

I agree with Zephii and Silviar. I think you just put too much pressure on the meeting to be perfect. Give it some time and take things slowly.

[Karringtyn]

Life isn't perfect...and we have so much build up and excitement for that first meeting...and of course it is going to be less than perfect.

Focus on how happy you were with him.... Follow your heart.

[amandamayaaa]

i agree with everyone on here. the first meet is this huge build up emotions, happy, excited, nervous, sad because you know it won't last forever, and manyyy more. anyways, i'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed from everything that has happened recently, and also feeling a little upset that you got sick on the trip and it sort of messed up the days.

maybe try and not think about it too much. you may be searching for those fireworks way too much, and they could just be right there on surface and you're looking too far into it.

keep your head up, LDRs are a huuuge roller coaster of emotions, completely normal

[paulawriteslove]

Life isn't perfect...and we have so much build up and excitement for that first meeting...and of course it is going to be less than perfect.

Focus on how happy you were with him.... Follow your heart.

I completely agree with this! There was a huge amount of pressure on the first meeting that when everything didn't go 'perfect' you were somewhat disappointed. Plan a second trip and follow your heart!

[Laura024]

The last day of your meeting might have gone awry because you were irritable and your SO probably didn't want to bother you. Maybe you two were concentrating too much on how you'd have to leave each other's sides again soon. This along with the other members' suggestion you were hoping for a perfect meeting indicate to me that you should try to just relax and take it slow. Enjoy the time with your SO and plan future meetings. Things will fall into place from there.