So sick of HIS CRAP ! :mad:

[DinaAndMehmet]

hey everyone,
i had a similar post a few weeks ago about the same problem. im really so fed up with it and i really need some help. i only think you guys will understand it the best.

Let me start of by saying i know he loves me so much and he is really a loving guy but just really bad in relationships. Okay its been almost three months since i last saw my SO and really weve had this problem since then. As i already said he is just so bad in a relationship( in terms of calling texting romantic things) and ive really am so sick of it. he wants only to talk when he wants to talk. depending on whether he has things to do, friends over etc. its like im the last thing on his mind but he says its not the case. we dont need to always be talkin or text to show that we love eachother. which is true im really not askin that from him. there should be some sense of regularity in a relationship. he doesnt believe in that he says then we will be like robots. he tells me i should lower my standards to his standards, to where im not bothered whether we talk in a one day or few days or if he doesnt answer back my text message. i dont know what kind of relationship he wants. im not his internet buddy anymore whenever he is bored he can talk to me. im so frustrated i just want to cry. ive asked him over and over u really need to make more of an effort to show that ur interested in talking to me. we are in an LDR we cant meet or see each other only thing we really can do is talk. he thinks that because we love eachother its enough we dont need to put effort into this relationship to keep it going....im just so sick and tired of this crap really i am......
we had an argument just now because i was really worried about him he didnt answer me for about 7 hours and it was like 1am or 2am over there ..and he finally texted me saying oh sorry i was with my friends doing our project..like im like wtf..did i not even enter ur mind once to even bother to check ur fone or email

ugh im so sorry to make this such a long post i just really am so frustrated i dono what to do

[machstx]

eeek. i have been in a relationship like this before and it turned out he simply didnt love me as much as i loved him. i hope thats not the case for you. if i were you i would tell him what you need and tell him how much its hurting you. and if he continues he is intentionally hurting you as a result. and then do whats best for you. i know that sounds scary!! its a really hard thought...it took me a long time to get a grip on my situation. best of luck and know we are here because we have totally been there

[xMesmerize124]

You really should talk to him whenever you have the chance or simply just email him telling about the frustrations you been having. You said it yourself you feel like some "internet buddy" he talks to whenever he pleases, tell him that and tell him how it makes you feel. Also talk about how you want things to change (if you want things to change). He probably has no idea how much its affecting you in a negative way and so bringing it to his attention might make things better. I hope that helps!

[elina]

he thinks that because we love eachother its enough we dont need to put effort into this relationship to keep it going....

O_o right.. you'd think being in a LDR would require extra effort to keep it going and the people in it happy

Don't understand how he can think like that.. I think you should really let him know just how much it bothers and upsets you. If he loves you as much as you love him, he should know how to show he cares. He's allowed to hang out with his friends, sure, but if you're constantly the last choice or the last person he thinks of, something's really off.. and you need to make him understand that. You can't continue feeling like that, can you..

I'm really sorry you have to deal with something like that, hope you get it sorted soon *hugs*

[LadyMarchHare]

That's a bit selfish, I think, especially him ignoring you without saying "oh I have to do this project, I'll get in touch later." It sounds like he's still of the impression because you're on the computer, you're either not real or you're not any sort of priority communication-wise or anything else. You've expressed what you want out of the relationship over and over, yet he wants you to actually lower your standards. You shouldn't have to.

This is a seriously tough situation because you've tried communicating and he's just not picking up on it. I don't condone the 'extreme' methods such as a cold shoulder and I don't think it would work here, but something needs to be done to open up his eyes to what he's doing. Maybe start writing down all these incidents then e-mail them to him with how it made you feel after a week? I know you said you talked about these things but I'm not sure if you expressed why it hurt you/made you angry, which is essential.

[Silviar]

Agreed - this is a toughie. We love people, but if he doesn't feel there's any need to work to keep the relationship going, that's a red flag. What's he going to do when you move in together and you need to lean on him for the bad times? He's going to crumble, and you're not going to feel emotionally supported when you should be by your partner.

This needs to be discussed ASAP. If he totally doesn't believe and won't shift on the needs of a relationship, particularly an LDR, you'll have to decide if you can continue carrying the team by yourself. Because unfortunately, that's how it'll be if he doesn't chip in.

[DinaAndMehmet]

I know you said you talked about these things but I'm not sure if you expressed why it hurt you/made you angry, which is essential.

im really used to a relationship that is CD. ive never had any relationship where i cant even see the other person. our relationship started off CD so i was really used to that constant speaking seeing eachother. He is my best friend; the only person outside my direct family that im close with. since i have been back from my study abroad none of my friends really kept in touch with me so i now only hang out with my family ( i have 7 siblings). Maybe this is a factor to why i have been wanting to talk to him always. Also i do spend majority of my time studying i make it my break time to talk to him. but even without these factors in my life in a relationship i need to talk to the other person. im sure everyone is like that. whats the point of the realtionship if u cant talk about ur problems or talk about anything on ur mind. he gets bored of the same thing, and he says he wants to talk to me only when he feels like it. lower my standards ? what are my standards anyways? to try to be as normal as possible in a LDR..really is that so much to ask for..
yesterday we really got into a nasty fight he really is very stubborn and hard headed...i know you guys were saying to talk about it with him HE DOESNT WANT TO EVEN DO THAT...i asked my sister she just said to give him the cold shoulder or drop him (but i cant drop him) at least for the time being i wont speak to him. i want to put him into my shoes..but even then i dont think he would care...

[elina]

i want to put him into my shoes..but even then i dont think he would care...

If that is/will be the case, there is seriously something wrong. How could you be in a relationship with someone who doesn't show any interest in you whatsoever? If he doesn't start missing you or contacting you, asking if you're ok or anything like that, to me it would show he's not in it nearly as much as you are. If you decide to do that, put him in your shoes", I really hope that won't be the case and he'll show some more attention and affection and realise what it's like.

[DinaAndMehmet]

i dono what to make of it all
he sent me an email today "hey askim sorry about all yesterday good morning to such a girly girl"
he wont listen to what i say and its hard for me to actually ignore him
.........

[Karringtyn]

You deserve to be treated with respect.

Lower your standards? Oh heck no.

It's about a relationship being two ways. You give and take....granted you usually give more...but you should get some back and he is NOT giving back much at all. Just pushing you aside.

Lots of red flags. Reread what you wrote. What advice would you give me if I wrote that?

[LadyMarchHare]

(but i cant drop him)

Can't or won't, hon?

I understand it's hard letting go of people you love/care deeply for because they're the ones acting up and yet you feel somehow responsible like you can fix it, but if he's not even willing to sort the problem out, then you need to sort it by shoving him off your ship. Mind, I'm not TELLING you to dump him, but you need to consider it heavily at this point. He's becoming toxic and he sounds way immature, both you don't need.

[amb85]

I agree with everyone else. This has been a constant issue and he is taking you and your relationship for granted. You need to distance yourself from him. Don't call or text him....wait for him to do it. And if a few days go by and you still haven't heard from him...then you know exactly how much you mean to him. It sounds like he is trying to "have his cake and eat it too." He wants to do whatever he wants and then when he wants to talk to you you are there. He needs to see that you won't always be there if he acts stupid.

[DinaAndMehmet]

@ LadyMarchHare ----when i said i cant drop him as in i cant ignore him. if he is texting or calling i will respond back in a timely fashion. Both my sister and cousin have been telling me to step back and ignore him for a while. But i feel that is kinda rude and it will only cause more problems
he is very immature when it comes to relationships. he really doesnt know how to deal with a relationship. So you can imagine if he has horrible in a CD relationship how much he sucks in LDR lol in terms of affection -calling etc
definitely, i am really stepping back and really only answer him IF he texts me or emails me. we really need to sort this out someway or another
thanks for all ur help
@ Amb85 -----you are so right- he really does want his cake and eat it too. he thinks ill be here no matter he does and no matter how many times he says sorry. thats really why im fed up with his "sorrys" .....
----update: he has been emailing really randomly throughout the today. just like telling me what he is doing. i really dont understand him. one min he is saying something the next min he is doing something something else. i will tell you wat happens as time progresses.
i really value all your advices and support. it really means alot to me **HUGS**

[elina]

Maybe he's slowly starting to realise how much it's upsetting you and tries to make up for it..? I hope so.. that kind of behaviour can't be good in the long run.. you deserve better than that.

Glad you'll keep us posted *hugs*

[LadyMarchHare]

@ LadyMarchHare ----when i said i cant drop him as in i cant ignore him. if he is texting or calling i will respond back in a timely fashion. Both my sister and cousin have been telling me to step back and ignore him for a while. But i feel that is kinda rude and it will only cause more problems
he is very immature when it comes to relationships. he really doesnt know how to deal with a relationship. So you can imagine if he has horrible in a CD relationship how much he sucks in LDR lol in terms of affection -calling etc
definitely, i am really stepping back and really only answer him IF he texts me or emails me. we really need to sort this out someway or another
thanks for all ur help

Oh, I misunderstood then, my bad. I thought you meant drop as in dump. No, I wouldn't outright ignore him either no matter what the issue was. It solves nothing. Better you take the high road while he cruises the low one than be behind him on it, you know?