what can I do

[sdfan]

I eluded to my situation a bit in my thread in the intro section, but I thought I'd go a bit more in depth here. I first met this girl in a chat room type app on the iphone. wasn't love at first sight or anything, lol just another person joining. since i was one of the few there when she joined, and i made her feel welcome, every time i would see her again she always seemed happy to see me, so we would talk more, and eventually i was happy seeing her too, because of the attention she showed me. this started...maybe early summer of this year. we didn't even private message each other til way later, but I started to like her, but just pushed it from my mind because I never thought it would be anything more. she wasn't on too often, and for awhile i hadn't seen her for a long time, until about a month ago or so when she sent me a private message. that night she was apparently drunk and after talking for awhile, our convo went like this:

her:ok, stop, lets focus
me: on what
her: us haha
me: what about us
her: you know hahaha

eventually i got it out of her about wanting to be more than friends, and she said she never really thought about it before. i asked if it was her or just the alcohol, and she said it was her, but the alcohol mustve helped it come out. she jokingly asked me to go to vegas with her to get married, which has been kind of a running joke with us lol. so that was basically it, and we started talking more and getting closer. we've talked about it here and there, but it would usually come down to the distance being a big killer. the other night i decided to have a good talk with her, once i finally got to see her (she can be gone for days before i see her again). i basically told her about home much i care about her, and that i think about her all the time (side effect of a job with little thinking required and songs, mostly about love, playing the whole time ) and she said she didnt really know what to say. she said that maybe we shouldnt have let it come to this, because she really needs me sometimes and she can tell i need her too. she is scared of us being hurt, and knows neither of us can afford to visit very often, even a couple times a year.

im sorry its so long, i kinda got carried away lol. if anythings unclear, ask away, i kinda just typed whatever came to mind. all i know is we both wish we could be together, she tells me all the time she wishes she could really hold me, but what can i do? do i try to convince her we can make it work? if i do that and she says yes, i might always wonder if she did it to make me happy and still doesnt think it would work...thanks for reading this

[blankita719]

First of all, welcome to the site - I usually miss most of the introductions on here

Secondly, I think all of us here have had that conversation with our SO's. I can probably safely say that none of us planned on falling in love with some one who lived so far away, but life happens, you know? If you both have feelings for each other, then I'm of the opinion that you owe it to yourselves to try and work something out. There's always skype for video dates, and the planning and anticipation of a visit gives you both somethng to look forward to. Finances are tough for everyone, but there's almost always a way to get there. It just may take a litte more time sometimes.

Not to mention, you've come across this fabulous site where we all support each other and understand everything that we're all going through! She can always join the site as well and see how amazing LDR's can actually be!

[princessmia]

If you both have feelings for each other, then I'm of the opinion that you owe it to yourselves to try and work something out. There's always skype for video dates, and the planning and anticipation of a visit gives you both somethng to look forward to. Finances are tough for everyone, but there's almost always a way to get there.
Not to mention, you've come across this fabulous site where we all support each other and understand everything that we're all going through! She can always join the site as well and see how amazing LDR's can actually be!

What she said.
Deciding to commit to an LDR is a big step. My SO convinced me of it. We both wanted it to work, and I was in a bad LDR before, so I was really, really hesitant. But this time, I knew something was different, something just clicked with him. It's all about taking the risk, the jump into the unknown. LDRs are for strong people. Not everyone can do them. You both have to truly think about it and decide if it's worth it. But in my book, Love, always, always is.
The only way for you both to truly know what it would be to hold each other and to see if it work is to TRY it. Try to convince her, if she's hesitant say for a certain amount of time, then look back and analyze to see if it would actually work between you two and if it's something that you both really want.
If you have any questions or anything else, feel free to PM me =)
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope she decides to go through with it with you.

[sdfan]

Thanks for the replies, I may have to tell her about here whenever I see her again. It's nice to hear that others have had a problem with hesitating first, maybe it would be helpful for her to see that too. Hopefully it will help her along, I think I'm at the point where I'll do anything that would help, I'm really starting to fall for her...

[princessmia]

Awe, that's so cute
Well if you need support, you know where to find it. It'll shock you how many people on here go through the exact same things..
I was very hesitant. You can ask him, haha. I was like eh....for weeks. But deep down, I knew I had to give it a chance, even though I was afraid of getting hurt again.
It was one of the best decisions I've made in my life so far =)

[sdfan]

Haha, maybe I need her to talk to you then well hopefully I'll see her soon and get her on here, see what happens

[mllebamako]

First of all...where do you work that you have little thinking required and listen to love songs all day? I need that job! haha

Okay. Now that that is out of the way. My advice is a little different, but I'm coming from a different perspective. My fiance and I started off living in the same place, living together, getting engaged, and then I need to move for 9 months for a job. In my opinion, for LDRs to work you both need to be 110% committed and into making it work. You also need some sort of rough plan about when you could close the distance. I was in an LDR when we didn't know how or when we could close the distance and it killed the relationship. There was just too much stress.

But I get that it's too early for you to be planning that kind of stuff. So I guess if I were you, I would present her with the options. Let her know that all the pros outweigh the cons (they really do). And let her decide. You can't force someone into something they don't want.

[sdfan]

haha, I work at a casino, so they play all those pop and country songs. Even when I'm busy, its nothing too hard so my mind wanders, and it always ends up at my favorite place

And I agree that I can't force her, and that it wont work unless both of us are fully committed, which is why her hesitation concerned me.

[mllebamako]

I wouldn't be too concerned with her hesitation. Any relationship is scary/exciting to get into and an LDR even more so. Just lay your cards on the table (aka your heart and your feelings) and then see where she's at!

[Micah]

I think if you continue to show your loyalty and how interested you are in here, hopefully she'll come around. She needs some reassurance and faith from you. When my boyfriend and I started out, we always told each other, "where there's a will, there's a way." That became our mantra and it's really stuck with us!

[sdfan]

yea maybe, we both have trust issues...I'm not sure exactly how deep hers goes, but I'm sure it's not helping her.

[Andy]

Hi, I just read you intro post, I'm glad you posted more here

I wouldn't be too concerned with her hesitation. Any relationship is scary/exciting to get into and an LDR even more so. Just lay your cards on the table (aka your heart and your feelings) and then see where she's at!

This!

This is what Tanja did and it made me realise that I had developed feelings for her too. It's quite confusing falling for someone who's so far away but as blankita said, life happens - most of us never intended our LDRs to happen, they just did.

Tell her how you feel and that you'd like to try and make this work. LDRs are much more common these days and a lt easier to maintain than they used to be, but saying that they still take a lot of effort, and they can be very hard work, but don't let this put you off, they can also be extremely rewarding. I feel my relationship is infinitely stronger as a result of being long distance and I feel we could get through anything together.

There's plenty of advice and support available here, maybeshe should take a look at this place if she's skeptical

Best of luck! And let us know how it goes

[sdfan]

I haven't talked to her since friday (seems like weeks haha) but I finally got am email back today, saying shes super busy, but she told me it she hasn't been gone because of talking about us last time we talk. (backstory, i have this nagging "voice" that makes me doubt stuff...so of course her disappearing and not talking for so many days made me think she was avoiding me again) I told her about here, so maybe she will get on here sometime (everyone tell her to go through with it hehe)

[sdfan]

Sorry if this forum gets mad about double posting, I just had another question. She is super busy, like 10 classes (apparently thats normal there...lol sounds crazy to me) and plus dealing with family stuff. I miss her all the time, but I feel like a dick if I try to get her to spend more time online... I can't just say "ignore your family and school and talk to me." I dont want her to feel guilty about it, or add to her burden...but then I sit there all day wishing she was on lol. So I guess my question is, how can I ask her to talk more, without taking time away from her? I tried asking her if emailing would work better...but no response yet.

Knowing my luck lol, she actually will get on here, and read this, and feel guilty anyways and I'll feel bad haha