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SO to come for prom...or can he?

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    #1

    SO to come for prom...or can he?

    So this is my Senior year in high school.

    I met my SO a few years ago in his home state. He's never left the state in his life.

    My parents wanted to see how dedicated he was to me, so they said they would allow him to come here for my prom IF he were able to scrounge up the money himself. They said I wasn't allowed to help him with funds. He had to earn it all himself.

    Well, he graduated and my mom sent him a check for $100 last week. I snuck behind my family's back and sent him $20 too. I guess it counts as a birthday gift.

    I was thinking he would save the money to come here. Then he mentioned he was cashing the check tomorrow. I was excited and asked him where he was going to hide it from his greedy sister. His face changed and he said "I hope you aren't mad, but I was going to spend it..." "what? but I thought you were going to save it...to come here..." "oh, now you're making me feel bad...."

    Obviously you can tell how I probably feel, I mean my family is in a financial hole. He can't get a job because he has no transportation. What should I do? I feel hurt, but I also feel bad for expecting him to only think of me, because his family is in a financial hole too.

    How can I explain to him how I'm feeling?
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    #2
    The entire post you did not mention him ever saying he wanted to leave his home state, just that he'd been allowed to if he had the money and you wanted him to. If he doesn't want to travel, you can't make him. Have you ever asked if he wanted to visit, much less go to prom with you? And even then he might not be able to, every school's rules about who you can bring are different so unless you've checked those, even then it's not surefire. It sounds like he never planned to save up the money and may have withheld telling you to spare feelings, which is a double-edged sword.

    To tell him how you feel, use "I" and "me" statements, never "you" statements. "I feel hurt that the money wasn't used to come see me." "I feel disappointed." etc. Saying "you didn't use the money to see me" is accusing and it usually leads to a fight because they get defensive. You have the right to feel hurt even if, to me, it sounds like you assumed something more than knowing exactly but we all do that.

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      #3
      Yeah.....I have asked him and he says yes. I suppose it is all a misunderstanding. I'm pretty selfish. *points to mod* can you delete this?

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        #4
        You can lock the thread if you want. And there's nothing wrong with being selfish, it just seemed like maybe he never really wanted to or it's not a grand priority so he either said yes to appease or changed his mind somewhere down the road.

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          #5
          He does also have some time to save up. It's possible he's saving incrementally. Prom is what, April or May? How much traveling does he have to do?

          Talk to him about it, let him know it's important to you, but it's still his decision. This way, the ball is in his court, and you won't be forcing him to do it if he doesn't want to. If he decides he wants to go, even though you can't help him financially, maybe you two can work together on a plan for him to get there, like how much money he'll need to save up each week, when he should buy tickets, etc. And make sure you check your school's policy on non-enrolled attendees--at my high school, senior prom dates who were not seniors or did not enrolled at our school had to pay $80 for a ticket, so that's another cost to consider.

          I can promise you, if he doesn't go, it will not be the end of the world. You'll probably want to spend a lot of time with your friends that night anyway, as soon you'll all be graduating and flung apart into your new post-high school lives, whatever those plans may be. So even if he's not there, I'm sure you'll still have a wonderful time and good memories.

          If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion...love actually is all around

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            #6
            firt thing first, i would check with the school because in my old highschool they had to do a background check and if they were a certain age they COULDNT come no matter what, i mean dont wanna get your hopes up and everything go fine and then BAM he cant even go to prom cause you didnt 100% clear it with the school, that happened to a girl my senior year, and he wasnt even out of state, just another city.
            You need to take tavel cost, prom cost, if you go to eat cost, after party cost?, his tux cost...that stuff can add up, i personally went solo *no guy* my senior year and just enjoyed time with my friends.

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