I so don't know what to do.
I am a very jealous person. Most of Jonathan's friends are females.. He doesn't really hang out with them that much, but you know.. Texting, facebook. I was raised where girls were only friends with girls, and guys were only friends with guys. I've managed to push this fact that most of his friends are females back for a very long time, and I will be happy, but then all of a sudden something pops up that makes my happiness crash and burn and I have to build it back up again - Like him leaving a comment on their facebook stuff, or them texting him and I have no idea what it says, or him hanging out with them. I absolutely know he will not cheat on me. He isn't that kind of guy. Even with all of his female friends, this is his first relationship. So I'm obviously not afraid of that. I am just selfish I suppose, because I want his only emotional attachment with any girl besides family to be with me. Not his friends. I do not have any guy friends, thus I do not have any feelings(by feelings I mean caring, etc in a friendly way) for any other guy except him.
Last night he ran into an old middle school female friend at taco bell and they exchanged numbers. They have been facebook friends forever, and he used to have her number, but she got a new phone. At that point I kinda had a... realization? Is it really possible for me to be happy with Jonathan?
When I got into the relationship, I knew he had all these friends. His myspace was full of pictures of him hanging out with females. But I figured my jealousy would go away eventually. It didn't, and trying to push it in the back of my head just made things worse. Because any time anything happened that I didn't like, I would get very upset. I KNOW this is my problem, not his. I can't ask him to drop all of his female friends and just make all new ones. But I'm not happy right now. I want to fix myself and I don't know how. Or am I even fixable? Maybe I am better off with a guy a little more similar to what I am looking for? Or maybe I am so jealous that I will never be happy with any guy, and I just need to fix it and I will be able to stay with Jonathan and not have to go through that heart break. At any rate, I pretty much hate myself right now.
I am a very jealous person. Most of Jonathan's friends are females.. He doesn't really hang out with them that much, but you know.. Texting, facebook. I was raised where girls were only friends with girls, and guys were only friends with guys. I've managed to push this fact that most of his friends are females back for a very long time, and I will be happy, but then all of a sudden something pops up that makes my happiness crash and burn and I have to build it back up again - Like him leaving a comment on their facebook stuff, or them texting him and I have no idea what it says, or him hanging out with them. I absolutely know he will not cheat on me. He isn't that kind of guy. Even with all of his female friends, this is his first relationship. So I'm obviously not afraid of that. I am just selfish I suppose, because I want his only emotional attachment with any girl besides family to be with me. Not his friends. I do not have any guy friends, thus I do not have any feelings(by feelings I mean caring, etc in a friendly way) for any other guy except him.
Last night he ran into an old middle school female friend at taco bell and they exchanged numbers. They have been facebook friends forever, and he used to have her number, but she got a new phone. At that point I kinda had a... realization? Is it really possible for me to be happy with Jonathan?
When I got into the relationship, I knew he had all these friends. His myspace was full of pictures of him hanging out with females. But I figured my jealousy would go away eventually. It didn't, and trying to push it in the back of my head just made things worse. Because any time anything happened that I didn't like, I would get very upset. I KNOW this is my problem, not his. I can't ask him to drop all of his female friends and just make all new ones. But I'm not happy right now. I want to fix myself and I don't know how. Or am I even fixable? Maybe I am better off with a guy a little more similar to what I am looking for? Or maybe I am so jealous that I will never be happy with any guy, and I just need to fix it and I will be able to stay with Jonathan and not have to go through that heart break. At any rate, I pretty much hate myself right now.
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