He doesn't want to see me that often. Is this normal? Please help...

[yookah]

Hey!
I've been with my bf for just about 2 months, but I really started to like him. We talk on the phone, IM, Skype all the time, he sometimes tells me he misses me, but we've last seen each other 2 weeks ago and he still didn't say anything about when we will meet again.
I'm a student, he's currently unemployed and he stays at home all the time.
Whenever I ask him when we'll meet again, he says "soon" and then complains that the reason is the lack of money. But he also goes to nightclubs and I'm guessing he's spending a lot there, so I think this is just an excuse.
By train he would get here in 3 hours and it costs about 7 $.
Also, he lives by himself so I told him ok, you don't have the money, why don't I come to you? And he said : let's not hurry things..
I'm really confused.. please help me with some advice..
I know we only have 2 months, but is asking to meet at least once every 2 weeks too much?
Thank you!

[noodle]

First off, no offense, but your first sentence is disturbing. You've been datin him for 2 months and started to like just now? Think about that one.
Than 2nd: how far away are you two from each other?
And 3rd: Have you asked him why he's like that? Maybe there is some reason why he doesnt want you to come, like he's havin a rough time cause he's unemployed.

[mllebamako]

Well, first of all, welcome to the forums.

On to your question...are you asking for too much? No.
It's still early in your relationship so maybe this is why he's so hesitant to make a commitment but I think you need to talk with him and find out his REAL reasons for not jumping at any chance to visit. Because, really, $7 train? He can't say he's too broke for that. I had an ex-boyfriend (also an LDR) who claimed that he was too broke to call me, to send me letters, etc but he was always going out drinking with his friends. Those things just don't add up.
You've got to be honest with him and find out what's going on there. Imagine if he lived in the same city as you and you guys had been dating 2 months....how often would you see each other? At least once or twice a week probably. So with him being so close and you offering to go up to see him, I don't think you're asking too much at all.

Good luck talking to him!

[yookah]

Yes, my mistake I wanted to say I started to like him A LOT. And we're about 100 miles apart. I asked him that and he says he has no money, but he spends a lot of them when he goes out (his parents still support him).

[LadyMarchHare]

I agree with mllebamako about the fact he may not be ready to commit and finds him visiting you a hassle/out of his way so he makes up excuses. It also could be his feelings aren't on the same level, I mean it's been 2 weeks since your last visit and you guys have only been together 2 months, but who knows.

If his excuse is money, tell him to get a saving's account, they're free. And his parents are still supporting him? How old is this guy? Is he even looking for a job/schools?

From that alone it sounds like you have an immature teenager wannabe on your hands and not a man. Nightclubs over saving less than $10 to see you plus any money he spends? No way, jose. Have a serious talk with him about the way he's acting and tell him how you feel, that you would like to see him every fortnight and if he can't do that, then once a month. Can't do that? Well why the hell not, Skippy? Scuse me if that's blunt, but honestly he sounds like he needs a major boot up the ass to the maturity corner of his brain and realize he's dating someone and that "me" is now "we" and you have needs as well.

[__ms.jaye]

I would personally be a little worried if he is always going to clubs etc, and making excuses.. the first 3 months are typically the honeymoon period and it should be nothing but absolute bliss. Maybe he's not ready to commit/ be in a long distance relationship the best thing you can do is have a conversation with him about your relationship. Although my SO was nervous about coming to visit me for the first time, he over came his fears because he truly had strong feelings about me. My Dad said to me and I'll never forget it "If he truly loves you. he'll do anything to be with you." I know if my SO was 100 miles away from me he would make the effort to see me once a week for sure, by any means neccessary, so maube it's time for you to look into what he is looking for in this relationship and if he's still deciding if he wants to be in a LDR. Hope this helped.

[agentholli]

hmmm that doesn't mesh with me. Sorry but are you sure he is single? It only $7 to take a ride to you, he spends more then that at the night club, for sure. I would tlak to him also, i personally could not stand that. I wouldn't take it.

[Casey]

yep, I agree - clubbing typically costs me $100 a night, but for my male friends it can be $100-500 (!!!)
Since its early in the relationship, it sounds like he thinks its too much commitment - but c'mon he's unemployed so what other important stuff is keeping him from seeing you?

I think it would be best to just take it for what it is - a low commitment fling/relationship, or move on if you want something more. Sorry to be completely harsh.

[Prophecy]

Red flag alert!

LDRs make it very easy to lie and manipulate. When pursuing one, you have to be sure you're entering it with an honest person, otherwise you could end up in a real sore spot later.

First off, what I got from his excuses is he isn't ready to commit or take responsibility. Perhaps he "just isn't in to you" like you are with him and he's freaked out, but if that's the case, he needs to grow up and tell you he isn't interested or doesn't feel that way. If he doesn't, he's leading you on and ultimately hurting you. Another potential possibility is that he isn't single and is bored in his relationship/wants the attention/etc. However, I'm less likely to jump to this conclusion and more likely to believe that he is just too immature to tell you what's going on in his brain.

What I'd do? I'd be up-front and approach him on the subject, and the sooner the better. The more emotionally invested you become in this relationship, the harder it will be to be forward or, if need be, let it go. If he won't give you a straight answer, consider it a red flag and let him go. You deserve honesty and sincerity, and if you aren't getting it, it's time to find someone who will give you that and the love you deserve.

I'm sorry for being harsh, but I hope that helps.

[Heather]

If it only cost me $7 to see my SO, I would see him everyday.

Sorry I don't have much to say other than that, the others have said it pretty well. good luck to you.

[DarkSolitary]

If it only cost me $7 to see my SO, I would see him everyday.

Sorry I don't have much to say other than that, the others have said it pretty well. good luck to you.

This ^