Adding to the misery

[LadyMarchHare]

Sorry you guys, I get to be a Downer Dora now too.

I mentioned this in my blog, but I feel like I need some serious pep talking or what have you about this subject.

My SO set up a small date for us tonight and during conversation he mentioned that what we thought was going to be work letting up temporarily (for those who are new, he works in the Disney World park 7 days a week with a day off whenever they feel like it, so he's always working) turns out won't let up until the end of January. Which, I kind of knew since people love visiting for holidays and so on.

Thing is, we had made a plan for me to be with him, if not sooner, on my birthday which is January 7th. I turn 21, which is pretty much the last age hoorah. Now not only is that hope gone but it may end up us being together a year before we even sit in the same room together.

I know plenty of couples here have done that, gone longer, are still going longer, but getting hit in the head with a rock then watching someone get rolled over by a boulder doesn't stop my head from hurting. Thing is now I have nothing to cling to with desperate hope as, always, plans are changing and neither of us have any sort of stability to say "x date is when we visit." It's killing the both of us, probably me a bit more because I'm such a big baby when it comes to him.

I'm pretty much at a "OK what now?" point here. I can't send him things anymore (new roommates at his new apartment take his mail and packages along with his stuff in the apartment) he can't take off to visit me, I can't just show up... you get the point.

God I hate being whiny.

[CynderAngel]

You're not being whiny. I can kind of relate since Chris and I went for about a year and 2 months with no definite plans to meet. It was hard, and I spent a lot of nights in tears saying that I'd feel so much better if I just had a date to count down to (and I was right; I do feel better). I know it's even harder for you since your communication with your SO is pretty limited. I'm so sorry to hear about that. All you can really do is hang in there. Go on with your life and hope that he can get some time off soon. Hopefully you'll hear back about a job soon. I'm sure a distraction would be nice.

And remember, if all else fails, as we learned in group therapy the key to happiness is thinking positively, getting a job, and breaking up with our serial killer boyfriends. :3

[LadyMarchHare]

You're not being whiny. I can kind of relate since Chris and I went for about a year and 2 months with no definite plans to meet. It was hard, and I spent a lot of nights in tears saying that I'd feel so much better if I just had a date to count down to (and I was right; I do feel better). I know it's even harder for you since your communication with your SO is pretty limited. I'm so sorry to hear about that. All you can really do is hang in there. Go on with your life and hope that he can get some time off soon. Hopefully you'll hear back about a job soon. I'm sure a distraction would be nice.

And remember, if all else fails, as we learned in group therapy the key to happiness is thinking positively, getting a job, and breaking up with our serial killer boyfriends. :3

Who said he's the serial killer in the relationship?

The whole reason I want a job is to build up money to move, but on part time that's going to take a lot of saving up and kissing butt for overtime if it's allowed. Definitely a distraction which would be nice, but (and here's the whining) a date would be nicer. Guess you can't have it all, but it'd be nice right?

[Bluestars]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this I know that having a date night is very important, but I just want to say that I admire your strength. If I were in your situation, I would start saving up as much money as possible to use for a way for you guys to meet for whenever he has a day off. Maybe you guys could try saving up money together??? If so, say you have around x dollars by whatever day he is free, if he gets a few days off that should be enough to get transportation...

I know that probably didn't help, but I just wanted to add that my 21 birthday is on January 6th so I am only one day older than you!

[agentholli]

oh sweetie..I so feel ya. I have known Mark for 2 years now. It will be a year we have been "together" on the 13th of Nov..and we still haven't met. I am getting soooo fed up with not having a date to look forward to...i think it is sooooo much harder when you have no idea when you can acutally meet. I don't know how to make it feel better...because lately I have been upset and depressed about this same situation. All i try to keep telling myself is that HE is worth the wait, and the heartache that I am feeling now. When we finally meet, and I FINALLY get to touch him..and the distance is NO LONGER an obstacle...how amazing is that going to be?!

I am also unable to send Mark things, and he doesn't send me things in the mail, and I totally long for that also. *Hugs*

[CynderAngel]

We just need to perfect the LDR teleportation device.

[Rosebud]

I have to say that I do agree that Disney World is a major pain in the rear. I know it's not much consolation now but I really was in your exact same position a few months back when my SO also worked for Disney World (I'm not sure if I mentioned it all that often) and it was nearing our 1 year anniversary and we were desperately clinging to some attempt to each other before the anniversary hit. Then, days before I was to book the tickets and it all finally seemed real, he was fired from Disney and all really did seem lost. In the end our 1 year anniversary did pass before we finally saw each other and sorry for my mini life story but the reason I wanted to explain all that is because even though it was passed the date we'd hoped for and it was longer than a whole year since we'd started dating, once we DID finally set a date none of that even mattered. And you know, in the back of your mind and the bottom of your heart, that even if it is longer than a year passed you two WILL set a date to be together and then none of that will even matter anymore.

Reading back over that I think that's sort of crappy advice but I hope you can understand what it was I was trying to say. Know that you're not alone in never knowing when you'll get to see your SO or never getting to send him things (I'm in your same position) and that none of us think you're being whiny because we know how stupid it would be to tell you to just suck it up and get on with it because it's just not that easy. You just have to remind yourself that nothing worth fighting for is ever easy.

[LadyMarchHare]

I have to say that I do agree that Disney World is a major pain in the rear. I know it's not much consolation now but I really was in your exact same position a few months back when my SO also worked for Disney World (I'm not sure if I mentioned it all that often) and it wasnearing our 1 year anniversary and we were desperately clinging to some attempt to each other before the anniversary hit. Then, days before I was to book the tickets and it all finally seemed real, he was fired from Disney and all really did seem lost. In the end our 1 year anniversary did pass before we finally saw each other and sorry for my mini life story but the reason I wanted to explain all that is because even though it was passed the date we'd hoped for and it was longer than a whole year since we'd started dating, once we DID finally set a date none of that even mattered. And you know, in the back of your mind and the bottom of your heart, that even if it is longer than a year passed you two WILL set a date to be together and then none of that will even matter anymore.

Reading back over that I think that's sort of crappy advice but I hope you can understand what it was I was trying to say. Know that you're not alone in never knowing when you'll get to see your SO or never getting to send him things (I'm in your same position) and that none of us think you're being whiny because we know how stupid it would be to tell you to just suck it up and get on with it because it's just not that easy. You just have to remind yourself that nothing worth fighting for is ever easy.

I know what you meant and I know it's true. Once we have a date I know all the pain will be forgotten and worth it. Right now, though, it's the one thing we could use desperately. We don't see enough of each other as it is online, we're reduced to the occasional text and rarer phone call due to his hours and it's drained the both of us dry. It's why this otherwise menial thing is hitting me as hard as it is.

oh sweetie..I so feel ya. I have known Mark for 2 years now. It will be a year we have been "together" on the 13th of Nov..and we still haven't met. I am getting soooo fed up with not having a date to look forward to...i think it is sooooo much harder when you have no idea when you can acutally meet. I don't know how to make it feel better...because lately I have been upset and depressed about this same situation. All i try to keep telling myself is that HE is worth the wait, and the heartache that I am feeling now. When we finally meet, and I FINALLY get to touch him..and the distance is NO LONGER an obstacle...how amazing is that going to be?!

I am also unable to send Mark things, and he doesn't send me things in the mail, and I totally long for that also. *Hugs*

He is worth the wait. I've said before I'd wait another 20 years for him just as I waited 20 to have him. I'd just prefer not to. It's funny though, I don't give a flip about getting things because I have time and ways to cheer myself up or make myself things to remind me of him. He needs the letters and dumb things I find and has even told me the letters reaffirm his love for me so it's hard not being able to send him more that he can have and hold, y'know?

I am so sorry that you have to go through this I know that having a date night is very important, but I just want to say that I admire your strength. If I were in your situation, I would start saving up as much money as possible to use for a way for you guys to meet for whenever he has a day off. Maybe you guys could try saving up money together??? If so, say you have around x dollars by January, if he gets a few days off that should be enough to get transportation...

On a side note, I just have to add that my 21 birthday is on January 6th and I will be celebrating it in Baton Rouge as well! I am only a day older than you!

I have around $500 squared away for a plane ticket even though I know of a site where I can get a ticket under $200. I've had it since March when we thought I could visit in the summer. He doesn't have the means to save up. This new place is eating his paychecks and he's trying to find a way to break the lease for a cheaper place. And getting days off with Disney is very hard. He's gone through 3 instances of having a 103 degree fever and still being at work and I think he used up a lot of his 'time' when he took 3 weeks to see his mom after she had a diabetic episode. Mainly at this point I'd gladly spend my days in a hotel room and wait until 2 am for him to come in dead tired and just tuck him in and have that be all. I don't want grand dates or anything, just time alone.

And that's neat! We can almost share a birthday!

[Caitlin2009]

cant he ask for time off from work for like a week? i mean the poor guy could use it if he's working everyday! just try and be patient things change everyday so you may get to see him sooner then you think or maybe a litttle bit after your birthday

[LadyMarchHare]

He can technically ask, but they won't give him the time off. His supervisors are some of the meanest people I know in a business, they honestly don't care. And right now he kinda has to work the hours anyway to make rent each month and eat. If he could find a new place then maybe he could slack the hours if they let him but seeing as it's the holiday season, it's not likely.

I always feel so bad explaining my situation because there always seems to be something to counter any suggestions and I hate doing that.

[Caitlin2009]

and here i thought Disneyland had nice employees cause you know its the magic kingdom and all, dont worry im sure something will work out with you seeing him at some point. Took me and Denise a full year before we even saw each other dont worry things have a way of working out

[LadyMarchHare]

Eventually something will have to work out. But yeah, from things I've heard, DisneyWorld is host to some really rude stuff and people. But, they can cover up stuff like that easily. I just wish he wasn't subjected to it and could at the very least get a new job. Anywhere is better than there.

[Karringtyn]

At least you reply to the suggestions hon!

He has roommates works 70 plus hours a week and can barely make ends meet? That is messed up. I don’t understand why he can’t give you his address. I find that strange. Sorry I don’t mean that to be questioning but you are his girlfriend and you should be able to send him a card. And for him to say his roommates will just read it confuses me. What about a post office box? I know they don’t cost that much and at least he would be able to get stuff from you. I know I am being a Mother Hen here. I just don’t like to see you so sad and fighting so hard for something. I know you want to see him, meet him, touch him and I SOOO badly want that for you. I would never ever question your relationship please understand that but I want you to know I am inspired by your strength because there is no way I could go as long as you do between texts/phone calls. Your love for him is beautiful.

[Caitlin2009]

yeah rude people or not he needs to stick with that job because its really hard to find a job now and i think he knows that, god knows i hate my job and its getting worse over there but i have no choice but to stick with it for now. but yeah no worries he'll come visit you at some point just try and be patient

[LadyMarchHare]

At least you reply to the suggestions hon!

He has roommates works 70 plus hours a week and can barely make ends meet? That is messed up. I don’t understand why he can’t give you his address. I find that strange. Sorry I don’t mean that to be questioning but you are his girlfriend and you should be able to send him a card. And for him to say his roommates will just read it confuses me. What about a post office box? I know they don’t cost that much and at least he would be able to get stuff from you. I know I am being a Mother Hen here. I just don’t like to see you so sad and fighting so hard for something. I know you want to see him, meet him, touch him and I SOOO badly want that for you. I would never ever question your relationship please understand that but I want you to know I am inspired by your strength because there is no way I could go as long as you do between texts/phone calls. Your love for him is beautiful.

Well, I have a strange understanding with the not giving me the address whether or not the roommates are the real reason. I know he enjoys my letters so the reason is obviously big. A PO box I'll have to talk to him about, but like I said it's really the minor issue here as I can certainly wait to send him silly things. The thing I'm having a hard time waiting on is seeing him, but it's obviously beyond my control and his right now and that fact alone is eroding our optimism. And thank you, I honestly have no idea how I do it, either. I just do and take what I can get and be happy with it.

Caitlin: It is, and I did suggest finding a job for him while he's working but that requires resumes and blabla and he doesn't feel like changing jobs would help our situation anyway so right now I'm just working towards getting there and helping out. Which, since it's taking me forever to get a job, might be a long way from now.