Need an outside opinion;

[Butterfly-x]

Okay, im going to be really brief. My bf and i share the same facebook accounts, something i suggested. I have no problem with that what so ever. He also knows my msn passwords (Due to some trust issues, i gave it to him. I have absolutely nothing to hide and im sure he knows it by now) Anyway, on two recent occasions, during an argument... he had threatened to add one of my male friends to tell him *things*. God knows what. You see, he came to visit me some months back and stumbled upon a conversation i had with my friend. Lets call the guy X. It was my first month of college, and whatever i had said about this guy to my friend was based on first impressions, for eg he had a rly cute smile. and he was a really really nice guy. I had no intentions what so ever of falling for him, though i did say he had a great personality and it would be easy for any single girl to fall for him. My bf saw all of this and was really hurt. On a certain level, i understand because i too would react similarly if he had been saying such things about another girl. Fastforwarding... During this argument, he added the guy to his account threatening to tell him what i said. For me, this is an extremely childish and senseless move because my bf knows how much i value my privacy, and how much i dislike involving other ppl in personal matters (i know im doing it here, but only cause im in serious need of a second opinion. mine is so shrowded by love right now, and idk what to think or do ..)
Continuing..
Last night he was being a bit distant and while i tried to reach out to him, he instead chose to watch videos on youtube. i got upset and told him i was going to studying seeing he doesnt want to give me any attention. he didnt say anything. just continued watching his vid. i started some chem, and went on facebook to reply to a msg my lab partner sent me. - chem related. we started to facebook chat to clarify some things.. then, my bf butted into the convo. started saying things like.. 'charlie, ive got something to tell u'. and on the other hand, telling me..'you jjust wait and see what im going to say to him'.
this is the 2nd time sth like this has happened on facebook, and so this time.. i told him i was removing his name from the joint account (it was originally mine) . i also told him that i was changing my msn password. my reasons was that: i had given him the priviledge to see everything..msn/facebook. he has all my passwords. but he has crossed the limits. to threaten to tell a complete stranger our personal problems just to spite me , for me is an all time low. on each occasion tht he tried this, i tried to make him understand it not sth id expect from him and how disappointed i was. he said he understood ..only to do it again.

anyway, after this.. he got really mad at me. told me all sorts like 'ur a cold and heartless person. how could u do this to me especially when u know we have trust issues. u have no remorse for what you've done why do u feel the need to be such a bad person?.'
here's the part where im confused. and please, if anyone things what ive done is wrong.. i am ready and willing to take any critism. ive told him i wont undo what ive done. yet, i feel bad about it. am i letting him walk over me? so confused.

i know we have major trust issues, bt throughout everything, our love is strong and unfading.
please give me some second opinions. they would be really really appreciated.


thankies .. x)

[Rane]

So what you're saying is, because you both have trust issues, you have been completely open with passwords and whatnot, and then he went onto your account to use information just to use against you? It seems to me like he's betrayed your trust, and needs to earn it again. If he knows that what he did wasn't alright, then he should understand that you need some time to feel the same level of trust you did before? I mean everyone makes mistakes, whether it's in a moment of frustration or anger, that we regret later, so I'm all for forgiving. But it seems like because you don't just automatically forgive him, he's saying you're heartless and cold? I think you need to talk to him, and say like, that really crossed a line, and maybe you need some time before that level of trust is earned again.

I'm sorry I'm not a whole lot of help, I just don't understand your boyfriend's thought process at all. >.< Like, he does something that's out of line, and then you're the monster because you change your passwords. I just don't get it. >.<

[Zephii]

Giving him the ability to read your fb/msn is a lot different than giving him permission to do whatever he likes with it. This is just juvenile really. I agree with Rane that he is abusing your trust by trying to tell your business to others to spite you. Regardless of whether you needed to prove yourself, he has overstepped the mark. I'd be changing my passwords too IMO he is creating further trust issues. I don't really know what you could do or say to him regarding this and building back that trust, I think he just needs to grow up.
Good luck

[aggie]

First of all, you did the right thing... and you're not heartless or cold. You're totally fine, normal woman who values their privacy.
I think giving out the passwords is the most you can do if you have trust issues, although there is always an honest converstation that doesnt always work (oh boy, did i not hear "well.. you could be telling me whatever you want, not necessarily the truth" numerous times).
Seems to me like he has major trust problems... i don't know how to explain this, but if you don't trust someone, then whatever they say/do may become an issue (just mentioning someones name, or being nice to someone or whatever) ... but still, a couple's problem is a couple's problem and even with a joint account he should not be speaking a word if youre talking to someone. isnt that enough that he can read that and tell you he doesnt like something?
Moreover... what is telling your problems to friends anyway? Is he expecting them to what? stop talking to you? give their comments? Most friends don't like being involved in a couple's interest... and some of them, if they are your friends, care only about you and your feelings... so what is he trying to achieve?
Not to mention, ruining your trust ... because of the use he's making of your messages...

And it has nothing to do with him being distant and watching videos before (unless he was angry because he made up in his head a reason to be jealous...).Trusting is difficult, spesh in LDR... but there are boundaries.
Don't change your passwords back. Talk to him about the reasons and solutions. Tell him he's the only one you want to be with and that no one can change that apart from you two ...
Good luck!

[Mio]

I am sorry, and you should talk, he should leave it all behind, is not worth spending so much energy in something so useless!