I guess I can stop counting days for now.

[Gurl]

Always something in this life isn't it... well the contract extension for the company is definately through the end of this year We talked a bit about it...and he's definitely staying if he can, which is great for him. But I have no f'n idea how I am going to make it that long or longer. I knew from our first few converstations ever that he wanted to see the world and would probably do so with jobs. I never ment to let myself care this much about him because of that. But we've always had such a good time together, and being with him feels so damned right...sometimes you can't control who you love, but right now this is killing me inside.

He suggested I apply for a job there...I wish I could. One, I need a job. Two, I miss him so damned much. Three, at least we'd be able to get together now and then if I were there instead of way over here. However, with my mom being injured a year ago, she needs me to be here. I HATE being this torn and I HATE when my choices either leave me miserable or just content..and content is sometimes miserable when things aren't going well....

At least we both agree we are scared of getting hurt. And I am glad he was blunt enough to let me know he'd not chose me over the job. Let's me know he has his head on straight (and he was cool with how he put it..not at all like I just did! His words were he'd not risk one for another...that we'd just have to make it work as best we could). I just wish I had a clue how to make this work for that long...I've only done so because 7 months isn't that bad, especially when its down to less than two more. Now its at least TEN more months, more if the company gets another extension....and he only has 80 hours vacation right now, and works 48 hour weeks *growls*

How can you have a life with someone who's work takes them away for months and years at a time? How can you keep the love alive and well when you never see each other? How can you love someone you hardly see? I don't know if I can do any of this....I've never made it more than a month in a relationship if we were not close enough to visit often or living together. I've hit five this time...but how much more can I take? How can I not hurt us both by giving up...because I've already come so damned close so many times and the only thing that kept me hanging on was believing he'd be back in the spring...I am so torn, and feel so lost right now.

[Zephii]

Awe Gurl *big hugs* I don't have any answers I wish I had a magic way to make it all better.
You're stronger than you know xx

[folclor]

*hugs* I'll definitely pray for you. that sucks. ; ^ ; I bet you'll pull through, though, and he knows you're a great girl so he'll stick by you, no doubt. just hang in there.

[Elena]

I'm so sorry to hear this gurl Also sending lots of **hugs**! I'm not sure I have much advice for you. It seems like you're in a tough situation. All I know is that you are an amazing, caring, strong person, and you deserve to be happy, so I hope you can find that, whatever it means for your relationship.

[Bluestars]

I think you need to decide what is best for you. I don't know what else to say, but you seem like a very strong person, so I am confident that whatever happens, you will be ok! *Hugs

[lunamea]

Oh, I'm really sorry that it's definite now... I think all this would be so much easier if you could be sure about the time frame... even 10 more months would be do-able if you knew for sure that would be it and he'd come home for good after that. At least, that would be my train of thought. Another thought of mine (because I've been there with my husband) would be that you might want him to want to come back to you.

I don't know if you know my hb's and my little story, but for us, this does-she-love-me-enough-to-stay? or does-he-love-me-enough-to-let-me-go? has been part of our relationship since the beginning, as I applied for the study abroad year at the same time I met him. I canceled it a few months later, because I saw that we were really working out and sometimes I think we wouldn't be where we are now had I not stayed. I stayed because I wanted to myself, but still, if I hadn't, I think my (now) hb would have interpreted this as not caring for him or our relationship. I made clear from the start that I still wanted to go abroad, though, and he was fine with that (we'd been hoping that he might come with, which did not work, however). So I went through with it and applied again a few years later and got a placement again. I only found out shortly before I left that he had been hoping that I'd change my mind again and not "leave him behind". But he was selfless enough not to say anything, because him saying that he wants me to stay would have probably meant I would've stayed again.

I think you might be torn between wanting what's best for him and wanting him to want to be with you more, too.

However you decide, though, you should not interpret it as "giving up" or weakness on your part. I knew that I could not do it... for other reasons, though. It's not so much that I couldn't deal with the distance, but more importantly, I need to be someone's priority. I'd need him to choose me over his job. This might be selfish and hypocritical, especially coming from me, but it has to do with me being really self-conscious and insecure as it is... if I can't trust on being important enough to make him want to stay, I could never be happy in the relationship. That's not to say I'd want him to do everything I want to do, but there have to be compromises, IMO.

[Gurl]

Thanks so much you all *hugs* to each of you. He will have to come back here to take a class to be certified to teach CPR eventually....probably april or may. And I am looking into saving the money and getting a passport to plan a trip there in November.

I can't walk away...he's a rare kind of guy. He gets me, we share enough interests to get along and have enough differences to make life interesting. Plus, he's about the sweetest guy I've ever known and he's really there for me when I need him. At his eyes are to die for! LOL

I will make it through SOMEHOW....not sure how exactly yet, but I really don't have much choice. Just thinking about all this makes me cry...but that's okay. It's an "I miss you" Kind of hurt, not a "you've hurt me" thing, yah know?

[Taija]

I'm so sorry Gurl.

You're a strong person, I know you can make it. And remember that we're always here for you!

[Mio]

I'm sorry to hear that you are torn in this. And I really hope you can work out something, a lot of conversation and deep thinking. Lot's of hugs and best wishes Gurl!

[Tanja]

I'm sorry that's how things went *hugs*.

I know it hurts now more than ever but like you said, he's a rare guy and when you meet someone special you're willing to fight for it and make sacrifices cause you wanna keep that special person in your life even though he's far away... I almost gave up on me and Andy a few times cause things were rough and I just didn't think I could really do this and I was sure neither could he and we'd both get hurt so it had been better to just finish it there. Andy talked me out of it and I'm ever so glad I didn't give up, yes, it's been very hard since we too sort of thought we'd be together and living together very soon at that point but that was over a year ago now and we're still going strong and eventually we will make our dream come true and live happily ever after as I'm sure you and your guy will too, just stay strong and remember what you have is something most people only dream about and when you feel like you can't do it talk to us and we'll help you remember all the positive things, we're all here to support you!

Love knows no distance, right?

[Gurl]

Mio, Taija Thanks so much

Tanja.... I teared up reading yours... can't say why it touched me... maybe cause I read yours after having traded IMs with him for a good bit... he wants a pic when i get my scarf ensemble together LOL So I guess Imma have to find shoes to go with the dress I bought and get super dressed up for a day so we can get the pics.

I know we are strong enough to find away to make it, but----damn it all to hell and back---this is just way harder than love should have to be. As long as we don't let our connection with each other get FUBAR-ish again, we will be okay....but I will still worry. Tis just the way I am.

[ioanna]

i'm so sorry you are going through this... *big big hugs*
this is so hard as a situation, because from the moment you are apart, all you think forward to is the moment you are back together again.. and to have that meet up date pushed back is sure a big disappointment... but these things happen, and there isnt much getting around it... but the good news is you both know what you want, and are working towards it... never keep that out of your sight! 10 more months sound huge, but if you dont sit and count the days, and instead focus on the moments you do get to share together, you will see time fly by faster than you ever thought possible i know it sounds a bit too optimistic, but its important... i don't know how much sense i'm making here, because im a little too tired tonight, but i guess i just wanted to say, like everyone else already said, that we are all here for you...
take really good care of yourself : )

[uk_girl]

I really cannot add anything to what has already been said hun.

Praying for you to find some strength...I am sure you will - you are a lovely lady and you deserve to be happy

*Think positive!*

[szrhappi11]

aww im soo sorry hugs. you sound really strong and i know youll b able to fight through this. we are all hear for you.