How Does One Get Into A LDR?

[KtlynDSplmn]

I love the idea of a LDR, even if you who are in one, think its more trouble then good.
But where I am now, I kinda need one, I've used up options in my own state, with no real outcome, now I want to look abroad. I'm moving to one or another country in europe in a few years anyway, If i could find someone willing & worth writing letters to from that country, that would be great. but the real question that stops me from doing so, is How & where?
How do I find that person? Where do I look?

[ratlet]

I don't know if a LDR is something you'd go looking for... I think it should be about looking for that special person regardless of where they may live. Though being in one may seem attractive in that it takes a lot of determination to keep it going, and though it almost guarantees that you'll have to talk and be very open with each other just to stay close, that feeling of loss when you're apart is indescribable.

Most people I know in a LDR claim that it 'just happened'. Personally I met my SO in real life and we became very close through talking after he left. But I know people who got together after playing online games, or through forums, or I suppose you get those dating sites.

[NaNi]

I think that most members on here stumbled into a LDR. Either through moving away from each other or meeting on the internet. It just happens. I wouldn't really recommend to force it, because a LDR is really not easy to handle and it can be very painful at times.

[Darth_Taco]

Well, I met mine through the internet :'P. We were both on Gaia, but neither of us were looking. For us it just randomly happened. I suggest either joining a dating site and see if it allows you to look for people outside your state or country, or being active on any website of your interests that you frequent. My boyfriend is into anime, I just like dicking around pretending to be a woman on the internet so that's how we joined Gaia. Warning: this shit is tough if you do it right, impossible if wrong :P. Expect to spend a ridiculous amount of money @_@.

[nicole]

I don't think most of us on here went actively searching for an LDR, we just happened to fall in love with someone who lives so far away. I know I wouldn't actively search on out. Even after being with my SO for so long CD, it's hard. But we had no choice. LDR was the only option for us, he is "the one" for me, so there was no option to break up

LDRs are not easy, I know me and my SO have gone from the couple who never argues to one who has some sort of upset every other week. I would first try out starting a long distance friendship? Such as going onto an online pen-pal site or something? If you feel like you can maintain and LDF and of course find someone you can love, then take it from there. It's not something that can be forced.

[Rusty]

I'm not sure I'd recommend trying to get into an LDR - they can seem incredibly romantic from the outside, and have something of a seductive quality to them in many ways, but they are very hard work - constantly. When I got into mine, I actually had the opposite reaction - I spent a couple of days freaking out and just thinking over and over "this is the most stupid decision you've ever made".

Like most people who were not CD to begin with, we met online, and spent of our time (from when she woke to when I went to sleep) talking, until it reached the point that it was pretty clear where we both were, and we had 'the talk', and both of us thought it was a crazy idea. It's not something I would have chosen, but now it was upon us I felt like I had to at least try. But, oh boy, is it hard work. And I was only in mine for a few months before it went bad and we broke up. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in one for years. Incredibly rewarding, yes, absolutely. But so very hard. I doubt anyone here really 'chose' to have an LDR - it was just something they had to do. And I imagine that if you offered any of them the chance to close the distance tomorrow, they would jump on it.

Perhaps I'm in a position to offer something of a different perspective, having just come out of an LDR. Did I enjoy it? Yes, absolutely. I had some wonderful times. Was it hard? Unbelievably. Some of the most basic things that you take for granted in a relationship, we couldn't have. But then, I think it was one of the most honest and open relationships I've ever had. And, having come out of it, I have to admit there are certain elements which I am really going to miss when I next have a relationship: the constant messaging, which felt as though I always had company no matter what; the otherness of her - perhaps the most seductive quality of all - being that there we had grown up with different things, different books and tv shows and public holidays and what-have-you... there was so much to teach one another... everything was new, an experience, a surprise. And that is incredibly seductive. But it's offset so much by the small things - I couldn't hold her hand. Couldn't just sit next to her. Couldn't look into her eyes. It's romantic when you see it in a Hollywood film, and after 90 minutes there's a resolution. When it's happening to you, and you're looking at years and years of this, with only minimal time together over all that span, and constant uncertainty of just how you're going to resolve it...

You've got to really want it. Because you're fighting for it the whole time.

So really, I'm just saying it's not necessarily something I would seek out. I'm not going to say 'never again' to an LDR, but if I find myself approaching a similar position in future I am going to have to think very long and hard about it.

I think probably what Nicole has said is a very sensible way of looking at it: look for friendships. It's a piece of advice I've always carried with me anyway, that you should never go looking for a relationship, rather just try to enjoy your life and take the opportunities that present themselves. You should never try to force a relationship that otherwise wouldn't happen anyway, so if you want to start talking to people from other countries you should, but I wouldn't do it with an eye to finding an LDR - if nothing else, it will probably hinder your enjoyment of the friendships you are forming.

And also, don't forget that if you spend all of your energies and concentration on looking for an LDR, you might miss something great that passes right by your doorstep...

Anyway, sorry for the extended answer there... I think I've probably used it to get a couple of bits off my chest. How bad of me...

[Kirschlein]

For me it didn't happen on purpose, i didn't even want another LDR but i just couldn't help falling in love :<
It was just there and also in CDRs you say, you meet that person when you less expect it!

My advice would be just being in no relationship at all, because forced ones are pretty bad i guess oO;

[squiddie]

First off, I seriously doubt you've exhausted EVERY possible option in your own state. Even if you lived in Wyoming (the least populated US state), it would take almost 750 years of dating a new person every day to have dated every single person of a particular gender. Of course, this doesn't take into account age, marital status, or sexual preference, but I think you get the idea.

I don't think anyone here has actively sought out an LDR. I know mine came about by accident--my close-distance boyfriend studied abroad for a year in college, and then had a job offer clear across the country. Most people here, even if they met online, weren't looking for it. Some, yes, met through dating sites (both domestic and international), but still. I don't think anyone actively looks for an LDR. It just happens that the person who's meant for us happens to be clear across the globe sometimes.

[Bluestars]

Yeah....I do not think that looking for an LDR makes any sense. Before I met my SO, I thought that they were crazy and that I would never be in one myself.

Why do you have to look for a partner in another country when you live in the US. Even if you have looked into every person in Wyoming, which I highly doubt, what about the states around it? The US is huge.

I truly think that you will not find a relationship if you are looking for one. I believe they find you when you least expect it....so yeahhh. I don't think you will have any luck "looking for an LDR"

Maybe you could try meeting some people online in the area near you? But I would think it was weird if you approached a stranger telling them you wanted to be in an LDR because LDRs really aren't that appealing unless you already know that the person is worth it.

[Silviar]

Uh, I think I can speak for many people here in that having an LDR is based off falling in love with someone and then choosing to stick with them despite the distance, not choosing to do an LDR in an effort to find someone to love. How would you even know there's anyone in that country you'd be compatible with?

I would suggest instead looking into penpal websites and whatnot to see if you can find some people who are interested in communicating so you can start making some friends and contacts where you want to live. Expat websites are also good. Find people who you can be friends with first.

[LilSusy]

Try foreign chatrooms or international dating sites. Get a connection going Lol

[Riyko]

I don't recommend looking for an LDR mine with my ex happened because I moved back home once I finished college. If you get in one it's a lot of work and it isn't easy at all.

Always try and find friends where you're going to move to first and maybe something could eventually come from one of those friendships.

[hxcbreakdance]

LDRs have ups and downs but if I had a choice I would close the distance. I was never looking for a long distance boyfriend and when I met my SO we both still lived in the same area, after almost a year of knowing each other and about 4 months of dating he transferred to a university 2 hours away.
If it's something that you want I guess try an online dating site or something, the distance can be great at times but not always, it's hard not having your better half around all the time.

[Laura024]

My SO and I started talking out of nowhere on a website, and become good friends. Up until the time we started a relationship, I had no idea he lived across the world. It was a shock, but at that point our feelings were too strong to ignore. But I would never recommend someone to seek out an LDR. Sure there are benefits, but the downside of distance is very unappealing. I'd advise you to focus on you and making yourself happy. If a special someone comes along, whether down the street or countries away, then great. Just don't force something that wasn't there naturally.

[holdinghands]

Errrrrrrrrrr i really really REALLY hope you understand how hard being in an LDR is >.>
Talk about daily torture? Never being able to hold your SO's hand? Coming home and he's not there? Feeling completely helpless and like anything could happen when you're not there to look after them? Just to name a few.
I know that being in an LDR is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, so please PLEASE think about it first. I personally wouldn't go looking for one, i met my SO on the internet i guess and you could probably go on one of those dating sites, but personally i would look around where you live more. These things just happen, don't force it.