Where do I start to explain....
I am an American living in Germany. My BF (also living in Germany) and I have been going out for over 3 years now, quite a long time for people our age (19). And it really is wonderful. We are best friends and share everything. My only problem is that it has been my dream for years, to go to college in the States.
When we first started going out, I never thought that we would still be together when it was actually time for me to go to college. So I said (remember, I was 16 years old at this time) that I would stay in Germany, just for him. Never in 1000 years would I have dreamt that I would someday actually be in this situation, but now I'm applying to schools in America, but can't find a way to talk to him about it. He knows I'm applying, but it's just so hard to talk about it because he always ends up crying, which makes me cry, and we never really come to a conclusion, but just end the conversation in tears and then just don't mention it for a few weeks. It's really killing me, because I know that I can't just say in August "OK bye honey, I'm going to America!" without preparing him for it. The last time we talked about it, I said I would apply and then just see which schools I got into, and decide if those schools were worth it. But the more I work on my essays and applications, the more excited I get about the whole idea of going to college in America, and right now I would really like to go to all of the schools I'm applying to, because they all seem "worth it" to me.
For me there's no doubt about it, I'm definitely willing to try an LDR. I am really convinced that it will work out. I love him and I trust him. But I'm afraid he doesn't understand it. He always says he'll quit his job and come with me, but I don't necessarily want that. I don't want him to leave everything behind in Germany to move to America with me. If it didn't work out then, I could never forgive myself for letting him leave his family and friends just to wind up alone in a huge country. It would just put so much pressure on me. The job he's doing now is like an apprenticeship (or sth like that). It lasts 3 years, and when he's done he has a special degree in the field he works in. In Germany you really need one of these to get a good job later on, so if he quit this job, chances are it would be hard for him to find a new one (he had difficulties getting this job). If he just finished that, I wouldn't mind him coming to America with me while I finish school. I just really don't want him to quit. His mother would hate me, and this degree is really important.
The more I read about LDRs (also on this website), the more I am convinced that we can make it work. I know 2 couples who are in LDRs (one of them is also an international LDR, Germany and Russia), and it is working fine for them. But how do I make him realize that? I know I can't force him to want an LDR, but how can I convince him that it can work out? I just don't know how to start, because once I mention it he freaks out and thinks it means I'm leaving him. It's a really hard decision to make anyway, our relationship isn't the only thing that's making it hard for me to make up my mind. It would be so much easier if he were supportive...
I am an American living in Germany. My BF (also living in Germany) and I have been going out for over 3 years now, quite a long time for people our age (19). And it really is wonderful. We are best friends and share everything. My only problem is that it has been my dream for years, to go to college in the States.
When we first started going out, I never thought that we would still be together when it was actually time for me to go to college. So I said (remember, I was 16 years old at this time) that I would stay in Germany, just for him. Never in 1000 years would I have dreamt that I would someday actually be in this situation, but now I'm applying to schools in America, but can't find a way to talk to him about it. He knows I'm applying, but it's just so hard to talk about it because he always ends up crying, which makes me cry, and we never really come to a conclusion, but just end the conversation in tears and then just don't mention it for a few weeks. It's really killing me, because I know that I can't just say in August "OK bye honey, I'm going to America!" without preparing him for it. The last time we talked about it, I said I would apply and then just see which schools I got into, and decide if those schools were worth it. But the more I work on my essays and applications, the more excited I get about the whole idea of going to college in America, and right now I would really like to go to all of the schools I'm applying to, because they all seem "worth it" to me.
For me there's no doubt about it, I'm definitely willing to try an LDR. I am really convinced that it will work out. I love him and I trust him. But I'm afraid he doesn't understand it. He always says he'll quit his job and come with me, but I don't necessarily want that. I don't want him to leave everything behind in Germany to move to America with me. If it didn't work out then, I could never forgive myself for letting him leave his family and friends just to wind up alone in a huge country. It would just put so much pressure on me. The job he's doing now is like an apprenticeship (or sth like that). It lasts 3 years, and when he's done he has a special degree in the field he works in. In Germany you really need one of these to get a good job later on, so if he quit this job, chances are it would be hard for him to find a new one (he had difficulties getting this job). If he just finished that, I wouldn't mind him coming to America with me while I finish school. I just really don't want him to quit. His mother would hate me, and this degree is really important.
The more I read about LDRs (also on this website), the more I am convinced that we can make it work. I know 2 couples who are in LDRs (one of them is also an international LDR, Germany and Russia), and it is working fine for them. But how do I make him realize that? I know I can't force him to want an LDR, but how can I convince him that it can work out? I just don't know how to start, because once I mention it he freaks out and thinks it means I'm leaving him. It's a really hard decision to make anyway, our relationship isn't the only thing that's making it hard for me to make up my mind. It would be so much easier if he were supportive...
Good luck!
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