How to propose an LDR

[kasia516]

Scheduling time to talk didnt really work for us. I think it works for some people on here, but we talked way more than we were supposed to, so we gave up. We only tried it during school anyway, and it was more like "ok, I have a lot to do today, I can only talk for 1 hour." I think at the beginning it would be good to try it. He'll see that you are making an effort to stay connected to him from so far away.
But unexpected things come up all the time, like if all of a sudden his friends are like "come out with us!" I wouldnt stop him from going out. I think that if we had scheduled our time and I had been looking forward to it, then I would be a bit upset that he just left like that. But we have been very lucky because we skype everyday, even during our really busy periods at school.
We met in person while I was on vacation, and we decided to try it long distance, so we have never been CD. Either way it will be a huge adjustment, and it will take a LONG time to get used to.

[noodle]

I'll give you my 2ct as well

First off I like the idea of the letter thing if you two cant sit down and talk. It could be some sort of introduction to a serious talk, so yea go with the flow and do it if you like it haha

As well as Silviar said, if he cant handle it, doesnt know what to do, or just needs help, let him get on here We got a few Germans as well (moi as well ^^) and also a lot of people who started off as CDR.

I personally think he shouldnt quit the job he has right now, I see it with some people here how hard it is to get some sort of job degree, so let him keep it.
I guess it's an "ausbildung" right? So basically he could save up some money and than come see you when you're over there which would make it easier for him to understand why you wanna do it plus you'd get to see each other (not often but better than nothin!)

Yes it is hard. A LDR is hard as hell. But it's worth it! And if both do somethin for it, it works just fine.
My bf is in the states and we have a time difference of 6hrs and there are days where we dont talk at all besides of messagin via Facebook than there are days we get to Skype video chat for 5hrs (like yesterday).
I see a lot on here havin schedules for talkin, but just as you think it wouldnt work for you, Im sure it wouldnt work for me. Plus its way more excitin not knowin when and how long you can talk to each other x) Adds a lil drama to the relationship like in movies hahaha xD

So yea if you or your bf need any help or anythin let him get on here as well, as Silviar said, I'm as well willin to help
I actually think you guys live close to me somewhere, let's meet up and I'll prepare you for a LDR (always wanted to be a teacher) xD hahha jk

[gh0stfl0wers]

So I'm working on the letter now, and I thought I'd keep you posted, if you're interested ^^

I start off telling him how I'm starting to like the idea of going to college in the States, and how at the moment I don't think I'd be happy if I stayed in Germany, but that I am confident an LDR would work out. I explain, that it doesn't mean I'm leaving him in any other way than the purely geographic way, that it doesn't mean that I love him any less and that I know that it can work if we both believe in it. Then I explain to him why I don't want him to come with me before he finishes his "Ausbildung" and suggest that he joins me after that to work a year or two in America, like a "work-and-travel"-thing. I tell him about this website and the forum, and that he can register too and that you are all so nice and helpful. Then I explain HOW we could make it work. Skype, phone calls, sending pictures, a private blog for the two of us and all the cute suggestions on the list of things for LD-couples to do, and also suggest how we do the visits (I go to Germany whenever I have a break, my parents would probably pay for this as they also want to see me ^^, and he comes a few times in between, whenever plane tickets are the cheapest). The great thing is that we'd be able to spend up to 5 months a year together... so it's only a part time LDR

So today is probably going to be the day we talk about it... wish me luck!

EDIT: letter is finished, 8 pages handwritten!

[gh0stfl0wers]

sooooo relieved!!!

soooo, a few weeks ago I said, that I would talk to my SO about the whole thing with me studying in America, but I sort of decided to let it go for a while because I have a big giant paper I'm working on for school (called Facharbeit in German. I think it's sort of like a thesis) and as selfish it may sound, I decided not to stress myself about this until I hand in my paper. I was afraid the conversation might escalate and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on my work anymore.

Yesterday my SO was over at my place and helping me with sth on my computer. He wanted to test a program he had downloaded, and went into my documents because he needed to open a word document in order to see if it worked. But that's not really the point now. Anyway, the just randomly picked a document to open and it turned out to be the letter I had written about going to America. I closed it, but he already saw that it was something for him, and wanted to know what it was. I explained that it was a letter about something we needed to talk about and he got all teary-eyed. I told him not to worry and said it was about me going to America for college.

His reaction really surprised me. He said that he had been thinking about it too lately, and that he now also thinks that an LDR can work. I was so relieved that I started to cry. I'm so happy right now. This really makes the situation much easier for me. So we talked about how we would make it work a bit and he was so relaxed about it, not at all like the other times we talked, where he basically couldn't talk because he was always crying so hard.

I'm just so happy now. Thought I'd share it with you

[NikkiP]

That's awesome! I'm glad he's ready to take this step and help you in your dreams!

[gh0stfl0wers]

Thanks! We decided to wait until after I hand in my thesis on Dec 23rd before we really start talking about it and planning for said reason, but I'm glad to know that it's going to be a lot easier than I initially thought.