My Mom Can't Stand My SO
I love my mom, we've been close for years, best friends, I told her everything even if she didn't understand.
That changed in February.
Some of you guys have already heard this story. The day I told my mom about my boyfriend (who is black) a week after we began dating, I did not receive any congratulations or "when can I meet him"s. No, I received a 20 minute lecture about how my relationship was an abomination, that if I married him she would disown me and not show to the wedding, and if I had his child she would not acknowledge the child as her grandchild. This ideal has not changed.
For months I have tried making her see the light by telling her positive things about him, saying how he liked and respected her (he does, for whatever reason) and offering they meet on cam or talk online/via phone. I thought perhaps I was reaching her, getting her to tolerate him and us because I knew half the reason was we're LD. She was in an LDR with my dad and, well, let's say it just ended real badly.
Tonight we were talking about a friend of mine who's SO is coming to see her for Thanksgiving and my mom said she hoped it worked out. I added, "I hope it does too, they both deserve that happiness." I paused. "I deserve that too." My mom looks at me and I could see where it was headed, I should have shut up, but I poured out about him not having free time until the end of January, a month before our 1 year anniversary, how I wished I could go visit and the more I talked the more ugly her expression got until I just stopped.
How is it because of skin color she can support someone she doesn't even know, yet can't support her own daughter? I'm at my wit's end because there's literally no one else I can talk about him to here and I do have moments where I need to talk like when he pulled a muscle or when he gets sick and I'm worried. But she doesn't want to hear any of it and just goes on her racist way.
I needed to vent, sorry guys.
That changed in February.
Some of you guys have already heard this story. The day I told my mom about my boyfriend (who is black) a week after we began dating, I did not receive any congratulations or "when can I meet him"s. No, I received a 20 minute lecture about how my relationship was an abomination, that if I married him she would disown me and not show to the wedding, and if I had his child she would not acknowledge the child as her grandchild. This ideal has not changed.
For months I have tried making her see the light by telling her positive things about him, saying how he liked and respected her (he does, for whatever reason) and offering they meet on cam or talk online/via phone. I thought perhaps I was reaching her, getting her to tolerate him and us because I knew half the reason was we're LD. She was in an LDR with my dad and, well, let's say it just ended real badly.
Tonight we were talking about a friend of mine who's SO is coming to see her for Thanksgiving and my mom said she hoped it worked out. I added, "I hope it does too, they both deserve that happiness." I paused. "I deserve that too." My mom looks at me and I could see where it was headed, I should have shut up, but I poured out about him not having free time until the end of January, a month before our 1 year anniversary, how I wished I could go visit and the more I talked the more ugly her expression got until I just stopped.
How is it because of skin color she can support someone she doesn't even know, yet can't support her own daughter? I'm at my wit's end because there's literally no one else I can talk about him to here and I do have moments where I need to talk like when he pulled a muscle or when he gets sick and I'm worried. But she doesn't want to hear any of it and just goes on her racist way.
I needed to vent, sorry guys.
Maybe she just needs time to get used to it. It took my mother years to get comfortable with me being an equal opportunity dater. Sometimes parents are protective as my mother thought people would see me negatively for dating non-white guys. Unfortunately, I don't have any other great advice other than to give it time...even to talk to her about it. Once you guys actually start getting the opportunity to see each other, then maybe she will see that he's a real person and may end up opening up more to the idea. Either way - feel free to vent away - that's what we are all here for 
*hug*
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