My Mom Can't Stand My SO

[DarkSolitary]

I can relate but in a different way. My SO's mom can't stand me. She hates the fact that I'm not a, in her words, "A nice mexican catholic girl" But anyways enough about me Like everyone else has said, vent away! And feel free to talk to me if you ever need a shoulder, I'm not judgemental at all :3

[LadyMarchHare]

Mothers are only human and sadly just as flawed as anyone else. I feel really sad that she can't be happy for you.

I can't understand why she can't. I know she's 62, from the deep South, and was probably just raised that way, but wouldn't it be motherly instinct to try? I remember back in May, a week or two before I joined here, we were planning our first visit for a week and unfortunately it was bad planning and last minute his week off turned into management training and work so I couldn't get hold of him. Before all that I was told I wasn't allowed to tell the family I was in a relationship. Day 2 of this no contact when I was crying, she calls my Aunt. "Sara got stood up by her boyfriend. She won't stop crying." And then she called EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY. Didn't bother comforting me, she was gloating in the fact he hurt me.

[nicole]

that really sucks, my dad is just the same, but he had problems in his childhood which made him that way, so I can understand why he is like that. I remember once before I met my SO, I mentioned to my mum that a guy I know who is Ugandan asked me to the movies at the weekend. Next day, my dad took my out to dinner and what could only be described as an Intervention took place...

Yeah parents, I put it down to a generation thing, but then there are plenty of people his age that are completely tolerant, so maybe your mother had some sort of bad experience when she was younger, like my dad? It's hard to grasp that way of thinking, but perhaps she's just stubborn. Vent all you want, it must be frustrating, and thats what we're all here for! *hugs*

[MissShortie]

I'm sorry Sara... I wish there was some magic way to help you out with your mom

[mllebamako]

Weird how something so silly as a color can make people so angry. I am really sad for you that your mom won't accept your man, and won't even try. But I understand that she is older, and I think you said she grew up in the segregated south. It makes sense that she has those prejudices but I'm sure it is hurtful that she won't even give him a chance. It's one thing to be prejudice but it's a whole 'nother thing to not even be willing to try and get past these pre-judgements.
The only time I have been subjected to such nasty comments it was mostly from older folks (like 65+) and even though I realize that that's how they were raised, it still hurts.
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this, especially coming from your mom who you were so close to. I hope that someday she finds it in her heart to let him in.


*sending you interracial-love hugs*

[Laura024]

My mom was raised to be racist, but she does warm up to people of a different race once she meets them. Maybe with time your mom will want to get to know him. If she doesn't, it's her loss by missing out on knowing a great guy for her daughter. I hope that intolerance dissipates in society, and that one day people will all be able to see beyond color and straight to a person's soul. Whether that's a realistic goal or not, I still feel that all parents should be accepting and want what's best for their children. Nobody deserves to be treated with disrespect for whom they love.

[LadyMarchHare]

My mom was raised to be racist, but she does warm up to people of a different race once she meets them. Maybe with time your mom will want to get to know him. If she doesn't, it's her loss by missing out on knowing a great guy for her daughter. I hope that intolerance dissipates in society, and that one day people will all be able to see beyond color and straight to a person's soul. Whether that's a realistic goal or not, I still feel that all parents should be accepting and want what's best for their children. Nobody deserves to be treated with disrespect for whom they love.

I don't know if she was raised to be racist as she was still kinda young when segregation in schools and stuff ended, but even with black coworkers she's always judged them more harshly and refers to them as "those people" or even the n word if she feels inclined. My mom believes every black person is ghetto, ignorant, and does/deals drugs and steals. I can't tell you the number of times I've given her the anti-racism talk over the years, but it falls on deaf ears like many things I say. I think if I hadn't shown his picture when I told her, she'd be a lot more supportive, which is honestly sad. I shouldn't feel ashamed about who I'm in love with, y'know?

[agentholli]

wow im sorry. My mom has issues sorta like this, but instead of being racist against color, she is racist against religion. My bf isn't the same religion as me..and she has an issue with it. I say to her...whatever.

Hopefully she will be better when she finally meets him.

[Stubborn Hope]

*Hugs!* Oh my goodness, that is so freaking ridiculous. I am so very sorry. I come from a moderately racist family and I absolutely hate it.

Once I started dating my SO (who's a brown Italian), the first thing my mother asked was, "What is he?" She was referring to his darker complexion. And no, it wasn't out of innocent curiousity. She's flat out told me that I could date a black man, but she would be more comfortable if I stuck to white ones.

If you ever want to vent about racism, please don't hesitate to talk to me!

[__ms.jaye]

Wow I am so sorry to hear this an unfortunately it is a VERY big part of society. I live with it EVERYDAY. For as some of you may know I am Mullatto which is half black and half white (biracial) My mother is white and my father is black.. and to me in tolerance is not a huge deal in my family so I am very blessed in a sense. So I don't exactly know what I can say to you other than to not give up hope, and that maybe one day the sun will rise for her and she'll be enlightened. As I have a friend a very close friend who is going through the EXACT same situation. And she told me she just gets strength from her friends (myself included) and his friends and family as well are a huge role to her support system. So maybe see if you can get in contact with some of his friends, or family if you guys are comfortable with that. And you can ALWAYS talk to me about it, I am so proud to be the creation of two cultures and I would like to consider myself "a step in the right direction" so what your doing is a beautiful thing, don't give up love ! ♥

[LilSusy]

Sounds like shes a racist. Old an stubborn, set in her ways. Maybe not mentioning your SO around her would be better?
Shes your mom you dont want to ruin your relationship with her. Parents are important, imo.

[Yorkshire Girl]

Ah dear, this situation must be so upsetting for you. But your an adult now and you choose who you want to be with. Even though it is so difficult for you as you feel torn between your mom and boyfriend, I am sending you hugs =)

[Tanja]

Sara that's so sad. The parents are usually the first people you want to tell about your bf/gf and you want them to support you and be happy for you... I'm sorry she won't do that.

It's going to be hard if not impossible to change her mind, I guess she's being very stubborn because
A) you're dating someone she won't approve of and
B) in her opinion you're wrong and she's upset that you're doing something against her will?

I can't really say much cause I don't know her and despite this I'm sure she's always been a great mother to you. I wish she would come to her senses before she loses you because when it comes down to choosing over your parents and your SO the SO usually draws the longer stick.

Whatever you do, don't be ashamed to date him, be proud! *hugs*

[Yorkshire Girl]

I agree with Tanja, never be ashamed to date someone because your parents dont approve. They have made their choices in life .... now its time for you to make yours.

[Čternity]

I can't understand why she can't. I know she's 62, from the deep South, and was probably just raised that way, but wouldn't it be motherly instinct to try?

She may not be able to, for any number of reasons. She may not want to or she may have sadness and issues of her own she can't get past. Unfortunately, not all mothers have motherly instinct as you would really hope they do. Even if she was raised that way, as an adult she has a choice to go against that and choose to behave differently, but she doesn't for whatever reason. Have you asked her why she called everyone? Told her how that made you feel?