My Mom Can't Stand My SO

[LadyMarchHare]

Sara that's so sad. The parents are usually the first people you want to tell about your bf/gf and you want them to support you and be happy for you... I'm sorry she won't do that.

It's going to be hard if not impossible to change her mind, I guess she's being very stubborn because
A) you're dating someone she won't approve of and
B) in her opinion you're wrong and she's upset that you're doing something against her will?

I can't really say much cause I don't know her and despite this I'm sure she's always been a great mother to you. I wish she would come to her senses before she loses you because when it comes down to choosing over your parents and your SO the SO usually draws the longer stick.

Whatever you do, don't be ashamed to date him, be proud! *hugs*

I'm not ashamed, but she makes me feel like I really am part of an abomination and that it was better when I was alone completely and playing the role of 'that one friend who makes the others look better'. It could be the reasons you listed as she does tend to act weirdly when I go against her will or I don't act "right" but aside from that I've given no reason for her to hate him the way she does. It's crazy.

Sounds like shes a racist. Old an stubborn, set in her ways. Maybe not mentioning your SO around her would be better?
Shes your mom you dont want to ruin your relationship with her. Parents are important, imo.

I tried not talking to her about him, but she does the dumb thing and brings him up, usually if she sees me texting or I get a phone call that's not my usual ringtone as he's the only person I text and he has a special ringtone. It's like she makes an effort, then remembers what color he is and just gets mad when I give in and talk about him. Personally, she's ruining it, not me. She's choosing to be ignorant and mean to the both of us.

Ah dear, this situation must be so upsetting for you. But your an adult now and you choose who you want to be with. Even though it is so difficult for you as you feel torn between your mom and boyfriend, I am sending you hugs =)

Well considering I live and depend on my mom, it really is. I may be an adult, but I'm limited in what I can do still and while she swears up and down she'll never hurt me I truly believe when it comes to this man she'd sooner throw me to the gators than even hear I held his hand in a public place.

She may not be able to, for any number of reasons. She may not want to or she may have sadness and issues of her own she can't get past. Unfortunately, not all mothers have motherly instinct as you would really hope they do. Even if she was raised that way, as an adult she has a choice to go against that and choose to behave differently, but she doesn't for whatever reason. Have you asked her why she called everyone? Told her how that made you feel?

I actually did ask her and her reasoning was that it's family and she has no one to talk to, so she just tells everyone in the family her, my, and our business without my consent. I've asked her not to, but lo and behold she talks about me when she thinks I can't hear her on the phone. I don't think it's done maliciously, she's just got a blabbermouth and wanted someone to know I got stood up by my "n*gger boyfriend". She did the same thing when I lost contact with him for 3 weeks and was worried, she called the family and was like "lol she can't get hold of him, guess he got shot." But see, talking to her about these things, I get mad and then she plays the victim and cries because her 'baby girl' yelled at her for no reason. She's never acted like this that frequently until him.

[LilSusy]

so she brings him up and then says rude things to you about him? that is harsh. well seeing as you live with her, and you depend on her, and it seems like shes not going to be changing her ways anytime soon maybe you should try and REALLY not talk to her about him. Like, even if she asks you about him you should just say "you dont really wanna hear it", or just lie about it. shes your mom so i know you dont really wanna hurt her or be mean to her, but maybe you should try and just ignore her when shes like that.

[LadyMarchHare]

so she brings him up and then says rude things to you about him? that is harsh. well seeing as you live with her, and you depend on her, and it seems like shes not going to be changing her ways anytime soon maybe you should try and REALLY not talk to her about him. Like, even if she asks you about him you should just say "you dont really wanna hear it", or just lie about it. shes your mom so i know you dont really wanna hurt her or be mean to her, but maybe you should try and just ignore her when shes like that.

I did ask her once why she talked about him if she didn't like him. Her answer was she "didn't DISLIKE him". So I'm guessing in her mind she's tolerant and has no problem doing what she's doing. I try and be as brief with my answers as possible as often it's just "so he's at work?" whenever my phone beeps. But yeah I do need to work on shutting up more with her, it's just very hard when she gives the deception that, hey maybe she'll listen without making a face this time, y'know?