Help with LDR

Okay I'm a new member be gentle with me this is the first time I've ever done this sort of thing.

Basically I'm just trying to get other people's opinions on how to make this easier than this for myself and my special other, a little background first.

I first started chatting to her around 9 years ago via chatrooms and MSN I was 15 she was 14 we never had a crush on each other back then but we eventually fell out of touch with each other then when I was 17 she found me again and we started chatting again and picked up exactly where we left off then we started calling each other then she got banned from using the phone as she'd racked up a $1,000 phone bill!

We fell out of touch again and I thought I'd never hear from her again then around 18 months ago after years of not speaking I get a friend request on facebook...see where this is going she found me yet again and I was over the moon though we didn't get to talk as much as we wanted we stayed in contact then a few days ago she told me that for the last 7 years she's had me in her mind every minute of every day and that my voice used to drive her wild. I explained that I was the same and that not a minute went by where I didn't wonder how she is etc...

The problem comes from the fact that she lives in a small town in Minnesota and I live in Nottingham, England now we've struck up this relationship and financial budgets have changed a little and we can call each other whenever we're thinking of one-another but the problem is we can't get over the fact that we're so far apart. We love each other so much that it's unbelievable and she plans to spend some time in England with me in February but it seems like years away is there any way this gets easier. Right now family problems are driving me to the point where I just want to up sticks and head straight to Minnesota and she's the same way but our budgets don't stretch that far...does anybody know any way we can overcome these struggles or could someone just tell us straight away that we're crazy for even thinking this may work we're so confused about it right now!

[Caity]

Welcome to LFAD =) Don't worry, we don't bite.
It can work, believe me. There are many many people who manage to make their LDR work and move together in the end. It can get very hard, but what helps me is knowing there's a set date for when i'm next going to see my SO, and keeping myself busy and distracted at times when i can't talk to him. Distraction could help with the family problems too. If you keep busy you won't have time to think about it as much. Focus on the good things rather than missing her and thinking about the distance. Just stay strong and pull through it together with her.

[InkedMuttley]

We do keep ourselves distracted at times when we're not talking, it's the only thing we can do but at times it's been a case of she's phoned me up in tears because she wants to be here and if I could afford it I would send for her right away the only problem it's only going to be a week we have together as she has to work and study etc...If the truth's known we've just been on the phone but sometimes the conversations can get a little boring and we tend to switch off is there any way of picking them up a little?

I do know that 9 times out of 10 we end up talking dirty to each other but we both love it and it makes us feel a little closer somehow...but when she's at work and while I'm trying to keep my mind from wandering whilst I'm doing the job I do (I'm a voluntary Medic) is there any way of keeping the conversations a little less graphic?

[LadyMarchHare]

You might want to check the main page of this site (not the forum) for the conversation starters idea if you need help getting the boring out of your conversations. There's also plenty of things on that 90-something list for you guys to do together. As for the graphic nature of your conversations, maybe set up times when you're both available and alone and talk out that sort of stuff and get the hormones out then? It's more or less self control (which I know is hard when you want them/miss them) when you guys are away. Maybe think of other, less adult conversations you've had.

But no, you guys aren't crazy. We have a ton of international LDRs on here and I'm sure they'd give better advice than me since my SO's just a 12 hour drive from me. Have you guys ever tried saving up for visits, like setting up a saving's account and setting aside x amount of money each month to build up funds? It sounds to me like you both could use a visit if you've never met after these long years. It would take time, but it would give you guys a goal and then you could set up a visit date even if it is a week (hey some people visit for only 2 or 3 days) and it may help your relationship as well.

Welcome to the forum and don't worry, we're all here to give support and help you keep your head above water.

[noodle]

Welcome on here

I agree with LMH with the account thingy. You could just both save up money together, each of you pays half the price of the flight ticket as an example, this way you could see each other faster.

As for family problems, just be there for each other, theres nothin more important than havin the one you love on the other side of the phone or internet connection even if that person is not sayin anythin lol Trust me I've been there and done that.

Btw do you just talk on the phone? Or do you also get to see her via webcam? Cause that'd help in general, just bein able to see each other makes one happier and makes things easier to bear.
Also it could help with the sexual tension right there ^^ The first week of me and my SO startin to date "officially" we were bein naughty daily for the whole week and like multiple times a day lol It ends tho, so dont worry to have the relationship based on the sexual satisfaction only

[kasia516]

I've been in an international relationship from Canada to England, and so far its worked. It has been REALLY hard at times, but you kinda get used to being long distance after awhile. It doesn't get easier, you just kinda get a routine of emails and phone calls and webcam time. We also only see each other for once or twice a year for only 1-3 weeks at a time.
In our first year we were both students so we didnt have the money to visit or the time. We also had no date to look forward to, and when I finally bought my ticket to see him it was 5 days before the flight.
It's not crazy being in a long distance relationship. If you feel so strongly about someone you should at least try. It is really hard and you miss them so much, but you keep doing it because its worth it.

[InkedMuttley]

At the minute she doesn't have an internet connection we talk on MSN on her phone so we don't get the cam thingy but we talk to each other on the phone and we send each other daily pictures of ourselves doing whatever we have done during the day, she bugged me and bugged me yesterday to send me a photo in my operational gear (not a pretty sight with dayglo bands all around you and a bright yellow and green jacket!) but she liked it we occasionally leave each other voice mails so that when we need to we can hear each other she'll send me a voice mail telling me how much she loves me and how she cant wait to hear my voice again etc and I'll do the same.

I did think about the savings account idea, I have a savings account already and don't have any real use for it and was thinking about that, I am quite pleased to hear of others that only see their loved ones once or twice a year as that's likely how many times we'll see each other as she's coming in february and I'm hoping to go out there summer of 2011 or possibly even go over there for the christmas season which would be great but funds and time permitting of course.

It is hard but she's worth it and yesterday she was almost in tears because of it and I told her that if it was easy for us our love wouldn't be as strong as it is which I think is true.

But how do we actually go about the whole BF/GF thing I mean we've confessed our love to each other and told each other what's going to happen when she gets over but we've not actually said that we are actually BF/GF yet does that work like a normal relationship as in "would you be my girlfriend" or is it just assumed?

LDR's can be really confusing! But she's worth it, she's worth the pining, the confusion as to whether we can make it work she is actually one in a million and I love her so very dearly!

[Silviar]

Welcome to LFAD. A lot of us are in the same shoes as you - I'm US, and my boyfriend's Australian, so we deal with international heartaches as well.

It's great that you've discovered each other again, and you're going through the honeymoon phase it sounds like - which is lovely, but it also brings up all of these other thoughts and questions that sometimes feel unreachable - like when can we meet, when can we close the distance, how the hell will we ever get this to work, etc. It's normal, I promise.

I think the most important thing is to keep getting to know and discover each other, and the next important thing is to get a bit of an action plan together. You haven't met in person yet, so that sounds like it'd be the next logical step. Why don't you guys figure out a way to get together for 2-3 weeks and just spend time getting to know one another in person? Then after that goes, you can spend time together figuring out how to close the distance in a way that's best for you.

Also, if you haven't tried Skype yet, I highly recommend it as you can video chat and it'll cut down on costly phone bills. Good luck, hope you stick around!

[Silviar]

Oh, also wanted to add - if you ever need someone to talk to about international problems, the door is open. PM me anytime. We also have several people here who've worked through US immigration, so they're a good resource, and I know some about it (more about Aus immi as I'm planning on moving there, but I do know a bit about the US )

[Heather]

I'm in the US and my SO is in England, we are 8 hours apart and it can be so hard at times but we somehow manage to get through it. I get into such an emotional state I'm like I think we need a break or we need to break up I can't take this anymore, and he builds me back up telling me we'll get through it, its okay etc. The financial situation can be extremely hard, I don't have a job and he has tons of bills he needs to pay off after not working for 3 months. Maybe try getting a loan that you can use to see her and then pay of over time when you get back? Also savings account, great idea. I was without internet for several months, from the end of May until just recently when I got my internet back, but towards August I got an internet connection here and there. Can she go to McDonalds or a library to get a wifi connection x amount of time a week? LDRs are difficult and challenging but just stay positive and hold your chin up because you can get through it, there's living proof! Good luck to you

[Love Duck]

But how do we actually go about the whole BF/GF thing I mean we've confessed our love to each other and told each other what's going to happen when she gets over but we've not actually said that we are actually BF/GF yet does that work like a normal relationship as in "would you be my girlfriend" or is it just assumed?

It could be assumed, yes, but I think it would be really sweet and romantic if you asked her officially. That's what my boyfriend did, even though we'd been hinting for a while that we were BF/GF already!

[KronFace]

Okay I'm a new member be gentle with me this is the first time I've ever done this sort of thing.

Basically I'm just trying to get other people's opinions on how to make this easier than this for myself and my special other, a little background first.

I first started chatting to her around 9 years ago via chatrooms and MSN I was 15 she was 14 we never had a crush on each other back then but we eventually fell out of touch with each other then when I was 17 she found me again and we started chatting again and picked up exactly where we left off then we started calling each other then she got banned from using the phone as she'd racked up a $1,000 phone bill!

We fell out of touch again and I thought I'd never hear from her again then around 18 months ago after years of not speaking I get a friend request on facebook...see where this is going she found me yet again and I was over the moon though we didn't get to talk as much as we wanted we stayed in contact then a few days ago she told me that for the last 7 years she's had me in her mind every minute of every day and that my voice used to drive her wild. I explained that I was the same and that not a minute went by where I didn't wonder how she is etc...

The problem comes from the fact that she lives in a small town in Minnesota and I live in Nottingham, England now we've struck up this relationship and financial budgets have changed a little and we can call each other whenever we're thinking of one-another but the problem is we can't get over the fact that we're so far apart. We love each other so much that it's unbelievable and she plans to spend some time in England with me in February but it seems like years away is there any way this gets easier. Right now family problems are driving me to the point where I just want to up sticks and head straight to Minnesota and she's the same way but our budgets don't stretch that far...does anybody know any way we can overcome these struggles or could someone just tell us straight away that we're crazy for even thinking this may work we're so confused about it right now!

Got any pics?

[R&R]

This post is from 2010 - I doubt they are checking the thread anymore.