Deflated Christmas Elf

[Lunar Snow]

I am working on a main gift for my SO for Christmas (I am knitting him a scarf and have learned quite a few new stitches, etc. to make it really fancy for him)--it's taking me a long time. Plus, I am very excited about getting gifts for him and am working on some other ideas to include in my package (perhaps, that is for another post or the gift thread).

I thought a good idea would be a book and I was trying to guilefully pry information from him for something I might get, but I failed miserably. The worst part, though, was that I guess I had assumed that he was at least somewhat into Christmas or wintertime celebrations (I mean, his family's business runs a huge New Year's event for the whole town, he seemed to be encouraging my talk of doing winter sports and carols, and seemed to be excited for talk of winter celebrations and weather, etc.). I asked him if he was decorating anything in his apartment and he just flat out said no and launched into a rant that he wasn't that into Christmas-y things (and, just so it's clear, this isn't a case of forcing any religious beliefs on him). I felt like this was needless grumpiness from him and was pretty surprised he was expressing it, so I just went quiet and finally couldn't help it and said that that was curmudgeonly!

I'm feeling pretty deflated, because I really love celebrating Christmas and winter things and this year, especially, I need something really positive like that to look forward to and though I didn't expect him to match my enthusiasm, I did expect that he was a little excited for it, too. I know there was a similar thread about this maybe for birthday gifts and other celebrations and there was also one about opinions on gift-giving expectations (but I need some time to talk about my personal situation, right? I hope you can understand--I don't think that any of us would want to have someone feel trepidation about posting something just because it is similar to something else, especially when one is aware of and has read similar threads and still needs help). I don't want to seem spoiled and nasty, but it was really important to me that we exchange gifts for Christmas and have that to look forward to together (especially since it seems like we're not even sure if we will see each other this winter). You might say that I should have told him that or still should, but the way I have been raised...it is incredibly rude to ask someone for a gift...so, I feel a bit stuck (I think it is reasonable to want to exchange at least cards...but since we have been dating for awhile now and have known each other longer, I think that exchanging a meaningful gift of any size or value would be reasonable--he could make me a shoddy popsicle stick house and I would be happy. Plus, he used to send me packages and little keepsakes all the time and now he has all but stopped--I haven't even had a postcard this month, even though I used one of my wishes for it...and, so, maybe what follows is a bit babyish, but I am sad and surprised that there's a very real possibility that he wasn't planning to give me anything at all).

What do I say to him? Or, if I should just go on with giving him something regardless, should I be more moderate and just stick with the scarf and a card? I surely am disappointed.

[Čternity]

I think you should go on regardless, set a great example and maybe he'll join in!

[PaperbackWriter]

I think you should go ahead. He might come around

[Silviar]

My boyfriend is very similar to yours, except he has flat-out said to my face that he hates Christmas. His reasoning? Because it shouldn't be the only time of year we remember to be nice to people, visit family, or give presents.

I explained to him that I didn't care if he hated Christmas or not, but the time of year was important to me as Yule (I don't celebrate Christmas, but Yule is just beforehand) and as getting the time off easily/job is closed to be able to see my family. He recognized that because it was important to me, that he has to make some space for it and some traditions. I'm not a huge present and money sinkhole Christmas sort of person, so he realizes that he doesn't have to worry about the commercialism and the over-religious iotas with me, and he feels better about it. And now he's actually looking forward to exchanging Yule gifts - and has even expressed he'd be sad if I didn't get him anything.

Curmudgeons CAN change.

[Zephii]

Well, first up, the point of giving gifts isn't to receive them. I know you're doing your best not to sound greedy, and you're not, but it's just something I have to say. If you want to go ALL OUT then go ahead. Don't let getting nothing in return stop you.

I can kind of understand where he's coming from. I refused to celebrate Christmas for years (and Yule in the southern hemisphere is in winter, so I couldn't even tell myself I was celebrating that) and looked forward to the holiday with dread. It was only talking about Children with Obi that changed my mind, because Christmas is big in his family and he wants his Children to celebrate it too. Before then, I was adamant that I'd never have to deal with it ever again. I think Silviar's SO is right, it shouldn't be just once a year, but I guess that's no excuse to not do it at that time of the year too.

Really, why don't you just talk to him? Don't ask for a present because I too believe that's wrong, but let him know that it's an important day for you and will be in your future, and maybe ask what you can do to make it fun and special for him as well. This can be turned into a positive bonding experience, if you approach it the right way. Good luck!

[Dauntedpoet]

My SO is a total Scrooge, but I have known it for a very long time. He says the same things your SO says about his reason's but the truth is he has had HORRIBLE experiences at and around Christmas, in addition to the usual depression that single's have during the holidays. He was very worried about coming to visit during Christmas, as he was afraid he would 'ruin' the holiday's for my family. I told him he could absolutely hibernate in our bedroom the entire day, if he wanted. I promised not to buy him a gift, and told him not to buy ANYONE a gift. I also didn't let him suck the Christmas spirit out of my holiday. I still intend to give him what I've made. I also have one that is being sent to his house while he is here so it will be waiting when he gets home, I didn't spend a penny on it, I had store credit!! He loves me, exactly as I am, and I am someone that gives gifts at Christmas!