Gotta love fightin eh? :/

[noodle]

You have all probably noticed that I wasn't active much lately.
It was first a 'good' thing cause I spend a lot of time with my SO but yesterday it turned around. My absence in the next couple of days/weeks had a different reason...


My SO and I had a fight last night.
If I wasn't so angry I would've probably broken up.

He usually mutes his mic when we cam and someone calls him. Yesterday he did as well tellin me its his mum. I didnt worry and waited patiently. After 10 mins his mic turns on again and I hear him say things like "are you sure you're ok beautiful? if you feel bad just text me ok?" I heard that tone before as well as those words. No one on this planet would talk to their mom like that. I noticed something was wrong...
I started ignoring him and answered his question of what was wrong with a harsh "nothing" untill I exploded.
To make things short it ended up bein his ex-gf that he talked to yet he didnt call her on pupose beautiful. He said he was lookin at me but talkin to her and therefore got mixed up. Uhm... yea ??
I was shoutin and cryin so badly if he was serious or if its just supposed to be a joke.

I cant write everything in detail cause it'd be way too long.
Conclusion of it all is:
He got close with her yet doesnt love her.
He loves me and wants to be with me yet isnt sure about our future, cause lookin at it seriously the chance for us to meet is somewhere far down low (which is kinda true)
He doesnt wanna break up cause he truely loves me.

We didnt break up and kinda madeup.

Just a lil bit ago he said he was feelin bad cause of his mom and I said "And what did beautiful say?" bringin back last night and he completely blacked out, went offline and wouldnt talk to me. I bombed him with messages on Facebook untill he got on lol
We fought again.
He basically made it look like I was the evil one for bringin up that he called his ex beautiful and told me that its his mom >_>
I just didnt wanna fight anymore I was so sick of it so I just offered peace and he agreed sayin he will drop it cause he doesnt want us to hurt each other.

Gosh... Are all men like that?? :/

Sometimes its so difficult bein with him cause he becomes such a baby! Starts whinin about how I hurt him eventhough he did even worse damage to me
Yet again through such fights I kinda notice how much he loves me. I know this sounds like a contradiction but idk... I just know him and everything why not and why yes etc so it's easier for me to deal with it but yea...
My best friend said I am unhappy recently (mainly cause of Chris which last week was kinda true cause I didnt talk to him since he was home --> logical conclusion: I miss him/am unhappy)
My mum yet again said I dont seem sad at all
And an other friend told me to just chill right now before jumpin to wrong conclusions (like breakin up)

Right now it's alright, he's goin nuts on some maths stuff he has to do for college and Im tryin to make him twist his nipples so that he'd smile lol



Anyway I basically just wanted to leave a lil update on me and my SO and let you guys know that its not cause of you that Im no on much and that Im sorry, it's just a bunch of stuff goin on

Hope y'all are doin good yes?

[Silviar]

I think in fights it's really important to be able to see both sides of the story, and it sounds to me like he's good at understanding his side, and maybe not yours/your perspective. Instead of yelling, I would take a few days to calm down where you can discuss it calmly and find a way you can convey how it makes you feel so he doesn't feel defensive.

I'm sorry to hear about it all, hun. But you know, he's gotta understand that just because it takes a little bit doesn't mean it'll be the rest of your life. He needs to be an adult and deal with both the ups and downs of loving you. He'd only exchange those ups and downs for another set with someone else anyways - sometimes I don't think people think about that, but it's true.

I'm doing good this week, but don't as me next Friday... it's gonna be rough.

[sabby64]

When you make up, you can't start bringing up the past again, especially when it's uncalled for. Fights should only be about what the problem is right now, and should never bring up past events, especially after you've both decided to make up. From what you've said, it sounds like an honest mistake. I've called Brandon 'Dion' (my ex) many times just out of habit without thinking, and I would hate to have Brandon screaming at me about it. Me and my ex broke up because I couldn't stop bringing up the past, and I know what it's like to hurt so bad that you can't stop fighting about it, but you can't keep bringing up the past and expect to have a happy relationship, because you can't do both.

Maybe your situation is different from mine, this is just what I had to say about it. I hope things get better soon, and I hope everything works out. Good luck!

[Bluestars]

When you make up, you can't start bringing up the past again, especially when it's uncalled for.

This could not be truer. I need to work on it too though, so you are not the only one :P Last week, Jared and I got in a fight because I basically did something very similar. He apologized for something and then I brought it up again--which really made him mad. I told my mom about it, and she thought that I was in the wrong there (she will always tell me the truth straight up). To my SO, I just sounded like I was being a nag--and I was.

I hope that you guys can work things out! I know that it is hard getting over some things, but it sounds as though he is sorry, so the best thing to do would be to put this in the past and move on

On a side note, my SO and I were really busy for the past week, but last night we had fun on webcam and now we are reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows together

[Rosebud]

If you're bringing it up again it sounds to me like you didn't truly make up and figure it out, instead that you guys just sort of forced yourself to get over it so you wouldn't fight more. So while the others say don't be constantly bringing it up I have to say I agree ONLY if you've figured it out first which I don't think you guys did (at least that's what it seem from your post and I may be interpreting it incorrectly). So my advice is that you guys do need to discuss this again but do so in a way whre he's ready for it, tell him beforehand that it's an issue you guys need to fully understand each other on, since right now you just described it as 'kinda made-up' which to me...sounds like you guys just didn't want to bother with analyzing the situation, so I personally don't see you in the wrong here as still being upset (trust me, if I heard my SO talking to another girl like that I'd be bawling) and thinking about it, but just take a few days to calm yourself down so you can talk about it with him without feeling like you want to bombard him which will likely once again cause him to just pull away entirely which gets you nowhere.

*hugs* Hoping things get better for you

[Rugger]

It sounds like you are still hurting from his comment, which is completely understandable. If I heard my boyfriend call his EX beautiful, I would flip a shit. He needs to understand that you are still hurting from that. And you need to understand that If it's not alright, you can't tell him it is. That starts all sort of problems.

If it truly is the past, you need to let it be the past. If it's not, you need to resolve it.

[Karringtyn]

(((((hugs)))))

[agentholli]

I had a simliar situation with an ex boyfriend, who was also LDR...if you want to hear my story, let me know.

I am sorry you are fighting..fighting totally sucks I hope you can work it out in the end.

[Èternity]

I'm sorry this happened. *puts on protective friend hat* Did he apologise for hurting your feelings? Why on earth is he talking to his ex while he is on skype with you? Doesn't he have voicemail? I think it's quite disrespectful of your time with him. Also, it's one thing to do it behind your back and it's quite another to do it right in front of you while he is looking at your face. If you were in the room would he do it then? Skype is no different, you are talking to him at that moment. Saying that he is close to her but loves you is like saying I had sex with her but I make love to you. Seriously? I'd be more than mad.

I see you being very understanding of him but not a lot where he is being considerate of your feelings. I know you love him and he you, but love doesn't hurt and it's not inconsiderate of each others feelings. If you hurt each other, you apologise and work out how not to do it again. I'm sorry if I sound like an old grump, I think some guys can act like little boys sometimes and I don't think it's right.

[paulawriteslove]

*hugs* I know fights are horrible, but they do make relationships stronger. I know that you're hurting from the comment that he made because I know that I would be. He seems very sorry, try to forgive him. But take the time you need to heal. Remember making up is always the best part about fights. Keep positive!

[Kalmyia]

I am sorry to hear that you are in a fight with your SO. My suggestion is along the lines of what everyone else has said:

- If it's not ok, don't say it is. Calm down, take a day or two to think about a way to bring it up and talk about it rationally, then bring it up.
- Bringing up the past, especially an argument in anger is usually a bad idea as it opens your wounds as well as theirs and will cause you additional trauma

I am shocked that someone would do that, hopefully you can figure it out! Best of luck

[noodle]

I'm doing good this week, but don't as me next Friday... it's gonna be rough.

Is he leavin? 

On a side note, my SO and I were really busy for the past week, but last night we had fun on webcam and now we are reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows together

That is so sweet! 
Did you see the movie already? I love it! Can’t say much bout the HP books tho since I only raed the 6th xD

If you're bringing it up again it sounds to me like you didn't truly make up and figure it out, instead that you guys just sort of forced yourself to get over it so you wouldn't fight more. So while the others say don't be constantly bringing it up I have to say I agree ONLY if you've figured it out first which I don't think you guys did (at least that's what it seem from your post and I may be interpreting it incorrectly). So my advice is that you guys do need to discuss this again but do so in a way whre he's ready for it, tell him beforehand that it's an issue you guys need to fully understand each other on, since right now you just described it as 'kinda made-up' which to me...sounds like you guys just didn't want to bother with analyzing the situation, so I personally don't see you in the wrong here as still being upset (trust me, if I heard my SO talking to another girl like that I'd be bawling) and thinking about it, but just take a few days to calm yourself down so you can talk about it with him without feeling like you want to bombard him which will likely once again cause him to just pull away entirely which gets you nowhere.

*hugs* Hoping things get better for you

It sounds like you are still hurting from his comment, which is completely understandable..

Well I was shoutin at him badly and I told him that he should never do that again cause it hurts like hell. I also later when I calmed down asked him to please not do it again cause it’s really like he stabbed me in the heart  and he promised he wont.
And yes I am actually pretty hurt, I thought he was cheatin on me with her and for me personally there couldn’t be anything worse than that 
He pretty much cut my heart open a lil bit and it still didn’t heal fully.
I decided to let it go for now cause I noticed that he is really sorry and we’re both havin a rough time due to parents/school/college right now so if we’d get all into this it would pretty much destroy us, which Im pretty sure of.

(((((hugs)))))

*hugs back* thanks!! 

I had a simliar situation with an ex boyfriend, who was also LDR...if you want to hear my story, let me know.

I am sorry you are fighting..fighting totally sucks I hope you can work it out in the end.

I would love to! You can PM me if its not for public :S

I'm sorry this happened. *puts on protective friend hat* Did he apologise for hurting your feelings? Why on earth is he talking to his ex while he is on skype with you? Doesn't he have voicemail? I think it's quite disrespectful of your time with him. Also, it's one thing to do it behind your back and it's quite another to do it right in front of you while he is looking at your face. If you were in the room would he do it then? Skype is no different, you are talking to him at that moment. Saying that he is close to her but loves you is like saying I had sex with her but I make love to you. Seriously? I'd be more than mad.

I see you being very understanding of him but not a lot where he is being considerate of your feelings. I know you love him and he you, but love doesn't hurt and it's not inconsiderate of each others feelings. If you hurt each other, you apologise and work out how not to do it again. I'm sorry if I sound like an old grump, I think some guys can act like little boys sometimes and I don't think it's right.

Did he apologise for hurting your feelings? He did quite a lot actually lol
Why on earth is he talking to his ex while he is on skype with you? She called him cause she felt bad and needed someone to talk or somethin
Doesn't he have voicemail? He does but he always answers his phone cause he thinks it’s rude to not do it :/
If you were in the room would he do it then? He always says he’d not pick up the phone but it’d be something different… I mean yes I hate his phone cause it rings every f***ing 5mins but like I don’t mind him answerin cause he gets called. It’s just that he mutes it makes me feel like he’s hidin something. To say it simple he is a weirdo lol
You don’t sound like an old grump at all you are absolutely right. I do feel like even if I’m the younger one I’m still so much more grown up lol

*hugs* I know fights are horrible, but they do make relationships stronger. I know that you're hurting from the comment that he made because I know that I would be. He seems very sorry, try to forgive him. But take the time you need to heal. Remember making up is always the best part about fights. Keep positive!

The night it happened we were just layin down and makin silly jokes on how silly we are. We both agreed on disliking it very much when we fight and I said he could be lucky not bein with me in person cause I would probably beat the hell out of him x) and he then continued it with how my parents would react and we were both laughin 


The thing with me and my SO is that we're both addicted to each other. We are so used to seein each other at least 1hr daily on Skype that once we dont get to see each other on of us is messagin the other one on Facebook sayin "I miss you".
Once I'm hangin with friends and he's alone he's whinin/cryin on how he'll miss me etc and vice versa.
I do not mind that, I actually am glad its like that cause I need it! I could never imagine havin a boyfriend but not talkin/seein him daily (no offense to the ones who's relationship is workin like that but I couldnt make it)
I know that he would do everything for me if I was there, take me out, buy me flowers and so on but Im not there so he cant.
And you guys know how hard it is to do that stuff when in a LDR
I know I was mentionin how it isnt hard to send at least one card and stuff and blamin him for basically not doin it but recently I've noticed myself how easily money is gone :/ So basically right now I completely understand him. If he was demanding me to send him something right now I couldnt cause I simply dont have the money even if it's just $1.
The reason why I brought it up again in a sarcastic tone is cause I wanted to hurt him (yes I admitt it). I know its the most childish thing to do and that it's horrible. But at that point I dont do it on purpose, I say it cause I dont think, I do it cause I am so mad that I basically just wanna cause just as much damage as he did to me. I know this is no excuse.
I am feeling better. What happend is still in my mind but it's not causin any pain. He has apologized quite a few times since than and this morning send me the song "Every little thing she does is magic" by The Police with the message "I love you"

I might have never met him in person and god knows when I'll be able to do that but I do know one thing and that is that we love each other.
Not too long ago I asked him out of the blue to choose between "I", "you" and "we" and without a split sencond of thinkin he answered "we".
My friend said I'm bein too forgivin and other people wouldve broken up ages ago.
Little do most of the people know that pretty much 90% of our fights are my fault cause I explode cause of my asumptions and before he could explain I bitch the hell out of him lol
And the other 10% fights are things like the one now and those have happend only 2-3 times so far.
He is the first one I'm fightin for and also it's the first time I feel like it is my purpose to do so.

Sorry for the long post I needed to rant :/