A little help?

[Kimme]

My boyfriend and I are currently in a rut. He is studying abroad in Hermany for the year and I am not going to see him until march. We were a long distance couple last year but now we added being an international couple. And we can't seem to stop fighting or nit picking one another about each others problems. I feel like the girls there are more attractive than me and he thinks I am too emotional about things in our past and now with my depression that is getting better but he doesn't see it because he is not home. He feels like we fight because he left the country and I feel like it's because I'm still not over my depression.

So tonight on the phone we got to the point where he left me with I don't know.
He knows he hpstill loves me and he doesn't want to be with someone else but he doesn't know what to say to me or what to do.

I don't like the idea of going on a break or breaking up when we are together we have so much fun and we have good times when we are on Skype dates we watch a tv show once a week together. We also listen to music and eat meals together. We haven't had much intaminte conversation like we would last year but I feel like that would change if we got out of his rut.

Sorry for e long post but I just am stuck. I don't know what to say anymore.

[Butterfly]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

Of course I don't know you or your SO personally.. And I don't know the whole situation. But, the best advice I can give you is that everyone goes through this. I know me and my SO have. As madly in love as we are, we still go through stages where we both just get so frustrated with the distance, that we take it out on each other. I think everyone in an LDR goes through some sort of "funk" at some point, where you feel like things are just "off" in some way. Even people who aren't in LDR's go through this.

I hope everything works out for you both.

[Heather]

Nit picking at little problems, seem to be very common in a long distance relationship. I hope that you guys can get through this. Try to tell each other everyday something new that you love about them...try to make the conversations more positive. I know when I used to say things to my so about other girls being more attractive he'd say things like "they're pretty, but you're gorgeous" which made it so much better.. for me anyway. Try having 2 days a week set aside for a skype date, even if its for just an hour to watch a movie or something.. good luck ♥

[8983MilesofLove]

I know how you feel because I also have depression and in general am a very jealous person, with low self esteem...who nit picks at everything lol! Since I got depression last year it made it all worse and we started arguing loadsss...I refused to go on meds at first, but a few weeks ago I realized I had to...not only for our relationship but for my own safety. I've been on them about 4 weeks now and in the past couple of weeks I have felt SO much better already! If it is really bad I would suggest going on them...also getting a book called 'The Curse of the Strong' by Tim Cantopher...it explains it all and helps loads, I also got one for my bf to read so he understands it all, and now he understands how it effects me he's helping me in every way he can
I've noticed a huge difference in my mood, I'm not up and down anymore, majority of the time I'm calm and I am no longer bothered when he goes out with friends and doesn't really speak to me much. My head is in a better place now and the arguments have stopped completely!

Maybe a break would help...me and my SO did that about 7 weeks ago, we had a week where we didnt talk and we just had time to ourselves and did what we wanted when we wanted (with boundaries of course), and it was great for us because it gave us some 'thinking space'...and eventually he called me and said how much he missed talking to me. Since then and since I went on meds, our relationship has been going from strength to strength again (i dont wanna jinx anything tho....lol), and I'm just happy I've stopped being so touchy about things and I feel more 'normal' in myself. It's helped our relationship a lot.
Anyway, it's just a suggestion/idea

I hope everything works out for you *hugs* x

[Sano]

I just recently got over that. Im a jealous person and it took the last couple of days to realize how jealous of a person I am but since I've been posting on here and doing other stuff to keep my mind of things I feel alot better and we've been getting a long really well. Sometimes (this is going to sound a little violent) but I wish you could strangle your SO until they understand exactly how you're feeling.

[Snow.Patrol]

Nitpicking is a sign of deeper seeded issues. The two of you really need to sit down and take the time to express your emotions. There is a certain communications threshold that, once it's crossed, becomes very difficult to get back again. If the door is closed emotionally, even once, between either of you it, can take an awful lot of work to get it back open again. My advice is this: You need to be as understanding as possible in the immediate future and beyond. You have to do everything you can to get past what insecurities you have, otherwise you may very well drown in them. I understand depression, I've been there myself, so while this may seem nigh impossible you have to be actively conscious about it everytime you talk. Remain upbeat. So what if the girls there are more attractive than you? What matters is that you're more attractive to HIM, continue telling yourself that. And perhaps you are too emotional about things in the past. Don't take his words as a deterent, use them as fuel for change. If he's sincere, and you remain persistent and dedicated to change, the nitpicking will stop and that door of understanding and emotion will slowly open back up again. If not, then sad though it may be, it will continue to get worse and you'll be better served starting off fresh with someone else.

Best of Luck,
~Ryan