wow... :(

[Dramos99]

So me and SO are 17 months in, im very happy, we are both very happy. I went there met her for the first time and met her mom also, she seemed to enjoy me told me she approved of me. Anyone here is my issue, was on my way back home from the doctors this afternoon, and i got a text frm my SO's mom saying "I want you to be fully aware that i am very upset about kelsey talking about going to CA, 18 or not(which she will be 18 when we planned for her to come in apirl on her spring break) i will stop her any way i can i do not want her going out there. nothing personal against you." I am just destoryed because i have been looking forward for my SO to come out here to see how i live my life. I dont know what my issue is i guess im just venting. I texted my So's mom back saying "Understandable. Would it still be ok for me to go there from time to time?" and i havent gotten a text back from her. I no that my SO's mom isnt supportive at all with us i just dont know what to do.

[Dramos99]

Just got a text back from the mom "Well i can not stop you my dad is really sick and they are only giving him about 3 months to live, i really cannot handle this thing with you and kelsey right now." Coming from her point of veiw. I understand, but at the same time, she isnt really in our relationship, she doesnt ask me how im doing or anything when im on the phone with my SO.

[Tanja]

Kelsey is turning 18 which means it will be HER decision what to do. I'm sorry to hear her mum is being so awful towards you but if you 2 wanna be together then you have to do what you wanna do despite of what she thinks. I'm sure that if everyone in here who's parents didn't accept their relationship had finished it there would be LOADS less people on this forum!

They all come around eventually lol.

[D Crowz]

I totally Agree with Tanja here and I know your exact situation.. My SO is on the brink of turning 18 and I'm turning 20 in... 3 days time.. And both of our parents are against the whole internet idea and meeting people online. I'm still trying to figure a way to break it to them. But just be patient, it's totally up to Kelsey if she wants to come out.

[Michelle]

I agree with what everyone else has said. It is Kelsey's decision to go to visit you not her mom's. It is sad that her mom can't be supportive. Her mom is acting like you are bad for her daughter and her only reasoning is that you live in California.

[Jackie]

I think her mom is acting kind of selfish, to be honest. She says she can't "handle" the relationship, but what is there for her to really handle? She's met you, she knows you, and you're not an absolute creep. It's sad that her dad is on the verge of dying, but that doesn't mean she should stop her daughter from doing what makes her happy. I say don't give up on trying to get Kelsey to California... she's 18, or almost 18, so she's responsible for her decisions and doing what makes her happy.

Good luck.

[folclor]

I agree with all of the above. ^^ Have faith and be encouraging to your girl. I'm 20 and haven't told my parents about my relationship yet. (he's 21 and his parents are fine with me) Mine won't find out until the week or two before I go see him, though. That's besides the point, though. Go! Encourage her! Her parents can't stop her, nor can they stop you, so just stick with your plan.

[Sarah M]

Everyone's thinking the same thing. It's your choice. It's her choice. Yes, her mum can look out for her and it really sucks that he grandad is ill. So maybe go there for that little while and once her mum's okay, see if she can come away to see you. I'm not suggesting that Kelsey come when her mum's going through the pain of losing someone, but afterwards, I think she may need to get away and you'll be the perfect person to go to.

[Bluestars]

I also think that her mother is being selfish. Just because her father is dying doesn't mean that she can stop her daughter from having a boyfriend. The two should be unrelated. I definitely agree with the others that you should still try your best to see her during spring break! Although my initial reaction is to tell you that Kelsey should come anyway, just make sure that she is aware of the consequences-especially if she lives with her mom and is dependent on her. In a perfect world, you would be able to do anything you want when you turn eighteen, but from experience, but that is not always the case. For example, there are a lot of things that I WANT to do, like drive to LA to be with my boyfriend; however, my mom has threatened to take my car away from me if I do. Whenever I do something against my mother's will, she also threatens to take away my cell phone--my main way of talking to my boyfriend. I go to college and pay for everything myself, but she still pays for my car insurance and cell phone bill, and until I become completely independent and move out, I will have to deal with her threats.

My point is that you should probably tell your SO about this so that you two can make a plan to meet up with each other. If her mother is this controlling, then you need to be extra careful. If Kelsey is fine with disobeying her mom, then great--I do it all the time, and get away with it some of the time. Your best bet, however, is to try and convince her mom to let her come. If her mom won't let her, then you can always go visit her, since after all her mom said that she cannot stop you.

Best of wishes and hope everything works out for the best!

[Mio]

I really hopes it works out, and that eventually she can get to see you. Probably her mom is over stressed about her father, when people are in extreme situations they say and do stupid things!

[MadMolly]

I always wonder about parents being against LDR's. I always imagine parents would be concerned with their teenage children having accidents (pregnancy etc) and LDRs give a bit of security against that at least most of the time :P

[ioanna]

hey there.. i agree with all thats already been said, but i just wanted to add something.. yes your SO will turn 18, and it is her decision to make if she comes and visits you or not, but you both should be fully aware of the effect that decision might have. if she is living with her parents and financially relies on them, and they are 100% against her going and there was to outcome to all attempts at persuasion i think it would be wiser if you waited till she is standing on her own two feet before having her visit you...i think that to be able to take such a decision, and go against your parents words you have to be an adult not 18; ie be fully independent...

[lunamea]

Ouch, that's really a tough spot. I wonder if your gf knew about her mom texting you these things...? I guess not.

Anyway, I think Bluestars has a valid point about her being dependent on her mom, so I'd be super-careful, too. (Plus, if she loves her mom, she probably doesn't want to hurt her right now by leaving her alone.) It's understandable that her mom wants her daughter there as the family's going through a rough time, but that doesn't give her the right to make her schedule.
It's really hard to give you advice, as there will be consequences if your gf disobeys her mom by coming to see you, but on the other hand, her mom's "I can't stop you" doesn't sound very inviting either! :S I guess I'd choose the lesser of evils, though, and would advise you to go see your gf, at least that way she will always be there if something happens with her grandfather. There's nothing for her mom to "handle", you're both old enough to take care of yourselves and your relationship, so that should be nothing of her concern.

[Dramos99]

Just an update, of course kelsey gets some money from her mom and stuff, kelsey has told me that she is coming no matter what, we will be paying for the trip, i just dont understand she wont let her come but my SO leaves frm mass to go to LSU in the south this summer. i dont understand why its a big deal if she is going away for college. Of course we are/will be save condoms and the pill. i plan to go see her for her bday in march her mom doesnt have an idea thou we were going to tell her but now i dont think we are. her parents are also just very old school people. i thank you all for the replies and support

[Sarah M]

I hope it all works out!