Can you really be "just friends"?

[lucybelle]

The age old debate here. Can a straight girl and guy be "just friends"?

I have a (guy) friend who I met recently and we hang out a lot. Mostly we just meet up at bars and have a few drinks. Yesterday, he came to my apartment after work and we had a few drinks (notice a trend? hehe) He knows I have a SO, he even knows that he's planning on moving in with me. He's asked to meet him when he gets here. But sometimes I feel strange hanging out alone with this guy. Maybe in the bars it was okay, but I do feel like a line might have been crossed when he came to my apartment. He never tried to pull anything on me, if he did I would make sure that would be the end. We really have a lot in common and it's hard for me to find people like him to talk to (people who like to travel... for long periods of time... gap year and what not )

So is it possible for us to be "just friends"? I feel like I have had strictly "just friends" guy friends before. I loved it because I felt like I could say anything to them. Any opinions?

[tiffinnie]

Well, yes. I mean... not forever... One (or both) always grow attached to the other person... Its entirely possible that the two can be friends and nothing happen between the two of them... but someone always develops feelings for the other even if its temporary (which often times it is)




yay for explanations in picture form!

[Micah]

I don't know. I have a few guy friends, but they were my friends from childhood. When we became friends, dating and romance was something that we were too young for. I certainly wouldn't form a new friendship with a man right now out of respect for my boyfriend. Simply because any guy I have tried to be friends with has always wanted more... being strictly platonic with another male as an adult has never worked out for me. So, I probably wouldn't chance it.

[nicole]

I was one of 2 girls in a class of boys in secondary school, so most of my friends were boys back then. I do have friends who are guys and straight, but I know I have set very clear boundaries with them- they know to respect those boundaries or they are gone. I also don't keep my guy friends as close as my girl friends, to me I feel hanging out alone with one of my guy friends is just too weird when my SO isn't around.... mainly I am allergic to drama. My SO gets jealous over the guy I have a night class with when I get him to walk me home, let alone going out drinking with one guy. It's just not worth the hassle, and I'm happy this way. I know he trusts me, it's just he resents the fact other people get to hang out with me when he can't.

[mllebamako]

I was just debating this with someone on the train yesterday.

I used to believe that guys and girls could be friends no problem. I always had a lot of guy friends. But then, after graduating from college and becoming distant from the situation (and I had a former close friend admit that he had had feelings for me all along), I looked back and realized that none of these one-on-one friendships were totally platonic. Either I had had some feelings towards the guy and just was denying it or holding back because he had a girlfriend or vice versa.

Current stance: No. I don't think they can be just friends. I definitely still have guy friends, but I would only hang out in a group with them, not alone. And I am just not as close to guys as I used to be. I think part of that is also just due leaving the whole college lifestyle, growing up, and being engaged.

[LadyMarchHare]

I think it's possible. I have a guy friend I've known since middle school and he and I never crossed lines with one another. He knows I have a SO and I know he's not interested in me 'that way' nor am I interested in him like that. I mean yeah friends can lead to more, it's what happened with my SO and I, but I've had tons of guy friends over the years without any one of them trying to date me or show any romantic interest. If you think this guy's crossing the line, tell him what he did that made you uncomfortable and to respect your space. And if he does like you, well that's tough on him then because you're taken.

[Luisina]

I love hanging around guys, but unfortunately I haven't had much luck staying friends with them :/

I've had quite a few close guy friends (- spending most of my teens in a VERY male dominated roleplaying/gaming environment..) but, down the road, all those friendships came to an end (or became very strained) because of them developing crushes... so, what I thought to be cool friendships turned out to be awful cases of unrequinted love... which is really sad. I just never saw them as more than friends....
My BF and I also started out as good friends.... but that friendship was the only one I ever felt the urge to take one step further (and it turned out to be a great decision )

Others here may have great platonic friendships (which I envy them for )
But for me, it hasn't been possible....

[MissShortie]

I think it's possible and at the same time not possible... (lol how does that work out?) I think for me it's ok to have friends that are guys because I know how much I love my SO, as for the other guys it may not be possible because who knows how they really feel...
Right now I have a guy friend, Ben, who is also friends with my SO, there was a week my whole family was gone and he kept me company but Clay doesn't have to worry because it's Ben (Clay has known him since they were very young, I've known him for... wow almost 3 years)
Anyways that's just one person... It's different for everyone. I think as long as you keep it like a group friend type thing then it's all good, because you 2 do have so much in common that even though you may not start to gain feelings, he possibly could.

[michy]

I think this is different for everyone- very possible for some people, and impossible for other people, and it comes down to how both parties involved see the other. If there is a guy/girl close platonic friendship, then both (not just one) need to be the types of people who can look at the other and see ONLY a friend, not a guy or a girl.

I've always had trouble forming close bonds with other girls, and although I do have one close female friend now, she's the ONLY one and all others have remained very peripheral in my life. I have ALWAYS been "one of the guys". I've never thought of them as my guy friends... just my friends. The ones who are important to me. And I see nothing wrong with spending one-on-one time with any of these friends, just like there would be nothing wrong with me spending one-on-one time with any other friends who happened to be female.

I told my SO early on that most of my close friends were guys, and if that was something he couldn't be comfortable with then we shouldn't enter into a relationship, and he is fine with it
It has happened a few times where one of my guy friends has started to have feelings for me... and when that happens we talk honestly and decide what needs to be done about it, and whether a friendship can continue... sometimes it can, sometimes it can't. But most them are just plain good friends, ones I've known for over 10 years, and I couldn't imagine not having a close friendship with them just because of their sex.
I think having close opposite-sex friends is an individual thing, though, and not within everyone's realm of comfort.

[Silviar]

It's absolutely possible for people to be just friends, but I don't know in your case. If you feel uncomfortable with him alone, I would listen to your gut. But if you're friends, I think it's normal to escalate to hanging out at each other's houses and whatnot.

I would listen to your gut, and if you feel uncomfortable, then don't.

As a reference - I have a wonderful friend who I consider my best friend. He's cool, funny, totally awesome, but I'm not sexually attracted to him at all. We have similarities, but also many differences - nothing bad, but it's easy to see, knowing him as long as I have, to see both sides. Eventually you'll see both sides as well.

[lucybelle]

I think the reason I feel sort of funny around this new friend is because he is just that-- a new friend. Sure I have childhood guy friends that I've known for years and years and years. I could never see them as anything but friends (hell they're practically my brothers!) but this guy is a new friend. We're still "getting to know each other"... I think there's a difference. You understand?

[Butterfly]

To put it simply..

YES... If you are friends who hang out occasionally.

NO... If you are "Best Friends."

I know there will be plenty of people who disagree with me on this one.. But sorry, that's just my opinion.. due to many, many, personal experiences of my own and of friends!

[Čternity]

I used to think so. After my divorce, one of my long term guy friends, had known him longer than my ex-h decided the time was right and asked me out. I was confused and said I only saw him as a friend. I never saw him again and I'd known him for 14 years. Some guys are opportunists, some are just great friends. As long as you know where the line is and stick to it why not.

[Karringtyn]

I have LOTS of guy friends....always have. Do I go do things with them? I have in groups. Would I be alone with them in my house...No. My personal opinion....I just look at it as how would I feel if roles were reversed and my SO was hanging out and drinking and going back to his place with someone. I would have a huge problem with it.

Just my opinion.

[Butterfly]

I have LOTS of guy friends....always have. Do I go do things with them? I have in groups. Would I be alone with them in my house...No. My personal opinion....I just look at it as how would I feel if roles were reversed and my SO was hanging out and drinking and going back to his place with someone. I would have a huge problem with it.

Just my opinion.

I couldn't agree more. That is a perfect way to put it!