Every Now and Then I Need a Little Volcanic Action

[Lunar Snow]

This is a sign that I really need some sleep to put this in perspective, but still. As much as preparing for his recital is stressful for him, it has also been stressful for me--I feel a bit like an unromanced sounding board tonight (I do feel comfortable in a counsellor role and supporting my partner in harder times, of course, but not all the time. I really am feeling a need for romance lately that is going unmet. Plus, I feel like I've really bottled up that I need to express to him how hard the distance is feeling right now with the holidays coming up, etc. and even just vent out little jealousies like specific girls dedicated to in his program notes when he's never done anything of the like for me, his girlfriend). I came home and messaged him a check-in on Skype (he had left a message there about an hour before saying that he was at the university hard at work on a very challenging electronic piece that he's trying to finish up in time to have something to show for it for the recital). He messaged me a few brief statements in response to my message and then indicated that he was focused and needed to get back to work and couldn't talk. I totally understood that need for focus, so I went off and did my own thing. Well, what should I find out, but that he was actually chatting to G the whole time on Facebook and changing his profile to the new format, etc. He later phoned and left a message, sounding upset and saying the piece he was working on could't be finished in time and he has decided to scrap it for this recital.

Maybe I'm in a bad mood, but I do feel rightfully annoyed that he said he was so busy and too busy to talk with me, but then was talking to her and fiddling around on Facebook the whole time. Also, it seems a bit like opting not to do that piece was with her consult (it's a rather abrupt decision, since he has been certain for awhile now that even if it wasn't finished, he would present it as a work in-progress)--I understand that they have the music majors thing in common, but it makes me feel like the third wheel (especially after night after night of comforting him and advising him) and a bit like he didn't want my support on the subject except to complain to after the fact (maybe he felt hesitant to approach me about it, since I have been pretty encouraging of him having something to show for that particular work, even if it is incomplete, since he has many other works to show and seemed so inspired by that one...but I never thought I made it seem like he would be lesser or fail somehow if he didn't do it).

Any comments, peanuts from the peanut gallery, delicious chocolates that will help me lose weight when I eat them?

[mllebamako]

*sending you miracle weight loss chocolates*

That just plain sucks. I think you are rightfully hurt and annoyed. Did you talk to him about this?

[Čternity]

delicious chocolates that will help me lose weight when I eat them?

haha pass them my way when you are done! But seriously, have things been a bit lopsided for awhile? How much longer til the recital is done? You could try and talk to him but I don't know, might not be the right time and especially not with a lack of sleep. All you can do is express how you are feeling without blaming him, gah so hard to do. Pass the chocolates.

[Lunar Snow]

*sending you miracle weight loss chocolates*

That just plain sucks. I think you are rightfully hurt and annoyed. Did you talk to him about this?

*Nom, nom* My gosh! I'm so prepared for bikini season...early! :3

Thanks for reading through it. Every time I make a thread, I seriously think that my post will be short and then it ends up long. I'm glad you think I'm not crazy, too. I didn't talk to him about it. I've been trying to stay more positive for him than I actually feel, because his successful graduation is a really important milestone for him and, I suppose, a step closer to being ready for closer proximity or, at least, more availability to see each other. I'm a bit afraid of adding more stress to his plate. It does sting that I've been trying to be so supportive to him the whole race and then he seeks solace and aid with someone else at the last mile. *broods (I think I need a billowy coat, like Angel has, to make this look more applicable)*

[Lunar Snow]

haha pass them my way when you are done! But seriously, have things been a bit lopsided for awhile? How much longer til the recital is done? You could try and talk to him but I don't know, might not be the right time and especially not with a lack of sleep. All you can do is express how you are feeling without blaming him, gah so hard to do. Pass the chocolates.

Well, supposedly very dark chocolate is an appetite suppressant and cayenne pepper may help jump-start metabolism...so these could be combined together by some nefarious means and pixie dust and we would have a popular product.

In September and a bit of early October, it might have been that I was feeling quite depressed and maybe was tipping the scale for needing lots of his support. However, those feelings are still lingering and yet I saw a need for him to have lots of support and encouragement for his recital preparation these last two and a bit months. Little things like this and the no mail for a month and a bit, or the less and less e-dates are really starting to make me feel like I'm putting a lot in and feeling weary.

I do think that some sort of talk about how I'm feeling to him would be good, even to clear up little issues, but his recital is early this week...so it might be unfortunate timing (although, if I don't bring up the jealousy things about the program or this thing tonight, then it might seem even more like spoiled grapes/ raining on his parade if I bring them up after the fact). Yeah, sleep is a good idea (pretending to be Godzilla and crashing through a toy block village was also high on my list...but I didn't have the blocks...).

[nicole]

aaaw I'm sorry *hugs* I would say try talk to him, but it looks like it's a bad time to do so. Maybe write a nice long email of how you've been feeling lately and just tell him you don't need to address this till after the recital, but it needs to be addressed. Relationships are give and take, and you're doing the majority of the giving lately, of course you're feeling the strain. Can he not do some of his work whilst your on skype at least?? I know when I'm busy with a report my SO appreciates just knowing I'm there, even if I'm not talking to him much, if at all.