Feeling out of place..?

[kymckenna]

So.. I don't know of it's just me or if others have experienced something similar.

But..

Has anyone felt out of place in their SO's family?

My SO's family is the most attractive family you've probably ever seen. Their views are completely different from mine in a lot of areas. I just feel like a fish out of water and don't know what to do exactly.

My confidence level has been lower then normal but I don't think I'm the only one who's felt out of place.

So how did you cope with it?
or
am I just worrying too much about something silly?

[garnet]

I felt this way in my ex husbands family (although not in the same way). They are from the deep south USA, they don't go five minutes without a new beer, they are shockingly and openly racist, loud, the first time I met them I was just shocked that my ex had come from them. HE wasn't like them. I'll be honest and say it is one of the factors in our divorce. He put his family above me, and since we did NOT mix, there was not room for both sides. It can either be a problem, if your SO's family is a huge, huge deal to him and you're clearly uncomfortable... or it wont really matter because you are his/her #1.

[kymckenna]

I felt this way in my ex husbands family (although not in the same way). They are from the deep south USA, they don't go five minutes without a new beer, they are shockingly and openly racist, loud, the first time I met them I was just shocked that my ex had come from them. HE wasn't like them. I'll be honest and say it is one of the factors in our divorce. He put his family above me, and since we did NOT mix, there was not room for both sides. It can either be a problem, if your SO's family is a huge, huge deal to him and you're clearly uncomfortable... or it wont really matter because you are his/her #1.

Well they all love me and I love them. I just feel out of place because we come from completely different cultures. I also feel out of place because their all so perfect and pretty. I guess I'm just nervous or something. But, our families get along fairly well.

[Darth_Taco]

That's more with my own family xD. I feel I can be myself more around his family :P. My family on the other hand @_@... Dear God, they're insanely racist and homophobic. They have a special hatred for black people too. They freaked when my aunt started dating black guy after her divorce. Not nearly as badly as when my uncle came out as gay XP. What kind of sick bastards spread rumors about a guy getting raped as a child and liking it!? D: I'm terrified about coming out of the closet to these people ;_;. Gay is bad, gay and transexual is means for murder @_@. Damn the Mexican in me that refuses to cut them out of my life! D:<

So yeah, I sorta know the feeling. Except that I'm related to the people I'm out of place with :P.

[Butterfly]

Yes, I sometimes do. MY SO's family is VERY loud and opinionated.. And believe me, I can be as well, but not to that extent. Sometimes I feel like I have to be a little bitchier than normal just to fit in.

[Butterfly]

Well they all love me and I love them. I just feel out of place because we come from completely different cultures. I also feel out of place because their all so perfect and pretty. I guess I'm just nervous or something. But, our families get along fairly well.

I get really nervous sometimes too. And you're CRAZY! Your picture is beautiful, girl!

[Casey]

I'm going to his parents for dinner tonight, since my SO is up for "Christmas" before we drive back to his on the weekend.
I always feel out of place at his parents because his mother hates me. No other word than hate. Last time I was there, I was pretty well forced to stand outside for an hour straight because everytime my dog barked or whimpered (because their dog was inside and they made ours stay outside in the dark) she yelled at us. We ended up leaving because she was so furious. She is the definition of a mole. So I am expecting the usual - comments on the instability of our relationship, payouts on my intelligence (uh, lady, I graduate uni in two days), instructions to have an abortion if I EVER fall pregnant, how my parents obviously didn't raise me or my sisters properly, or a snide remark on my cooking skills - just to list a few.

God, give me strength.

[PaperbackWriter]

Oh, all the time. My family is very....reserved. We don't speak to extended family much at all (my aunts/uncles/cousins) for various reasons. Holidays are "people living in the house". SO's family is a "the more the merrier" type family, with 3 generations of people (so 20+ adults and 5 or 6 kids) coming to the house for EVERY holiday imaginable. I swear they make some up. It's been a year, and I still feel like "Wtf? Why are all these people here? Don't they do anything with just their own nuclear family?"

It's certainly taking some getting used to. Ok....a lot of getting used to.

[Butterfly]

She is the definition of a mole. So I am expecting the usual - comments on the instability of our relationship, payouts on my intelligence (uh, lady, I graduate uni in two days), instructions to have an abortion if I EVER fall pregnant, how my parents obviously didn't raise me or my sisters properly, or a snide remark on my cooking skills - just to list a few.

God, give me strength.

Holy crap, girl. May strength be with you!

[ChrisxTosha]

I feel out of place with my S.O.'s family sometimes.

On Friday, I will be in a vehicle with his parents and or just his dad for an hour and a half. It will also be the first visit I don't have a parent accompanying me. So I'm a little nervous about how that will go over. But I'm just glad I get to see him. And that he doesn't work on that Saturday. (Although he works Sunday and wont be able to go with me to the airport either. )

[mllebamako]

Well they all love me and I love them. I just feel out of place because we come from completely different cultures. I also feel out of place because their all so perfect and pretty. I guess I'm just nervous or something. But, our families get along fairly well.

First of all, no one is perfect. Everyone has their faults.
I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. My SO's family is ENORMOUS (not fat, there are like hundreds of them) and I only speak a little bit of their language so I can't communicate with all of them. There are loads of cultural differences as well.
You just have to be confident in who you are. And remind yourself that they're not better...they're just different.

[sabby64]

I haven't been around his family enough to know, but me and his dog get along Well, sometimes anyways.

I don't know if we'll really get along, because his parents and my parents are opposites of eachother and I don't really agree with alot of what they say. But, they raised the best man ever, so I thank them for that

[Silviar]

That's how I felt in my ex's family, and it's part of the reason we eventually split. I've found, personally, that children learn a lot from their families and that it's often a good indicator of how your SO will act in your relationship/marriage, and it made me realize how important family is for me and how important it is my SO feel the same way.

My current SO and I both have emotionally close families that we love very much, even if they drive us crazy, and so there's no pathology going on like in my marriage, so I can tell you for me, it made a huge difference.

So, my suggestion is to not freak out, understand that it's ok to have differing opinions, but I think it's important to see how they treat you and our differing opinions. Respect is a two way street, so if they're respectful of your differences, good, but if they're not, then yes, you need to be careful.