Are you and your SO from two different cultures?

[jennyblueyz]

I'm American and he's Irish. Like others have said, you may think there is much difference with two countries that speak English, but there are many differences. There can be a BIG language barrier. Sometimes I have no idea what he is saying. And forget it when he's around other Irish people, which being Boston, there are a ton. His accent gets even thicker and he talks faster. I am totally lost, even after 3 and half years. There are some slang I use that he doesn't get either.

[lucybelle]

-We aren't really dating, he wants to formally asks me to be his girlfriend which is just so awesome! I've been in love before...BUT this is the first time I know what it feels like to have such strong feelings reciprocated, which makes everything sooo amazingly awesome!

I'm the gringa in my relationship as well! hehe He calls me machita y griginta jajaja

I wasn't "in a relationship" with my SO until just a few weeks ago. We were in an open relationship which I think a lot of people don't understand. Just like you and tiffanie have said-- our SOs are flirtatious! It's in their culture, and it's certainly how he won me over! jaja But I know in the end he's here for me. So to me it didn't bother me to think about him flirting, dating or even being with other females. But I must say, I'm super glad we're novios now.

[Čternity]

In addition to that, the Australian slang is completely wild - I love it, and sometimes my SO will say the strangest things, which occasionally requires a translation into American English. I've started picking up some of it though. XD

haha you need the iphone app. We had hours of fun with the translations.

[ber6810]

i mean kind of. we both speak english as our first language but

im portuguese and brazilian.. & at home all i speak is portuguese
and he is italian and puerto rican, and at home all he speaks is spanish

so when we are at each other's house there are some language barriers between ourselves and each others family!

we have BOTH tried learning each othere's language BUT portuguese and spanish can be so similar'
so sometimes when i want to go say something in spanish i say it in my own language(portuguese) instead it becomes so frustrating.

[KiwiLove]

I am swiss and my SO is a kiwi so there are a LOT of laughs we have.
Especially at beginning when I was in Australia studying english.
When I first met him I could at least introduce myself to him :-) But he was a good teacher and I learned everyday from him.

He was so much laughing when we had that other missunderstanding about what he said to me:
Him: I feel like sushi
Me: ??? What? You feel like a raw fish how come??

[TurboPrinzessin]

I am German living in California and my SO is from Alabama. Very different cultures indeed, but nothing that can't be dealt with. He met my parents in November and I am going to meet his family in 5 days. One of the biggest things I had to learn to understand is that in his culture (even tho he doesn't have a problem with that) it is not ok for couples to share a bedroom before they get married. In my culture that's not an issue at all and when he comes to visit me in LA we obviously sleep in one bed too. We will have separate bedrooms next week. I will probably die knowing he is in the room next to me and I can't fall asleep in his arms, sigh. But hey, at least I get to see him, right?

[milaya]

Yes. Very different cultures. I'm northern European and he's Japanese. Seems like all our arguments and fights are culture related. All our communication is also in Japanese, because he doesn't understand English (or Danish for that sake).

I actually thought a Japanese guy would be the best match for me, because I'm not good with showing loving feelings towards others and such (and Japanese people are not exactly famous for showing emotions). But our way of conveying feelings are still very different. And when it comes to showing affection, he is actually the one who wants more loving confirmation from me.

I also have low patience and get upset easily and show it. He rarely shows or tells if he is upset, he just hides it away until we have a argument about something else, then it all comes out. Sometimes I guess I try to analyze him too much, because I can't figure out his feelings and end up saying things such as "You're angry aren't you?" "No, I'm not..." "You are, you used your angry tone!" and then it can turn into something bigger from there. Japanese overall don't like to put words on their feelings and then hope you can "read" them without those words. That might be easy for Japanese because it's their culture... but I've been raised with putting words on my feelings - if I didn't it would be too hard for others to understand me. ("We're not mind readers, you know...")

Danish people also tend to be harsh with words. It's not a big deal to say "No the other one...! are you stupid?!" to your friend. Even though my SO and I speak together in Japanese, I often end using the same type of words even in that language. We've had countless of arguments about this because it hurt his feelings, but it's my culture so I rarely notice what I say. I've of course promised to do my best to improve.

I've also been raised with the main thought that "I'm one individual!". Ex: Just because other people are doing certain things, doesn't mean you should do it. (Because you're you and they're them). Don't compare yourself to others. I'm raised to be VERY independent. (You should take care of yourself, don't expect people to come and help you). Japanese people on the other hand is raised to "fit into a group". My SO constantly uses other people as examples to explain things about us. (this drives me nuts) And Japanese people overall rely too much on other people - sometimes it's like my SO can't take a proper decision by himself.

There's not just negative things though... of course. I love Japan and especially the Japanese language (which I get to speak & write almost everyday). We're slowly learning to understand and respect each other better. It takes time and sometimes the progress seems too small, but even the minor ones brings us forward. And some cultures differences are also funny. I also guess that if I really want to live in Japan, I need to take mental notes of the new things I learn and everyday my Japanese improves - which hopefully improves our communication.

[Dziubka]

Probably somewhat...
I'm German and he's Polish, so it's not like two completely different cultures but there are differences.
Someone in this thread earlier commented on how they liked that they learn new things from their SO all the time, I couldn't agree more. Not only language-wise (although that too, obviously) but I absolutely love it when I discover something that's totally new and unheard of to me and most ordinary to him or vice versa
Plus Poles are taught from kindergarten-age on to be proper gentlemen, they're just soo much more traditional than western/northern Europeans. He doesn't swear when I'm around, constantly buys me flowers, carries all of my baggage, etc etc. It might sound silly, but I really had to get used to that at first, cause it felt somehow 'fake'.

(This is my first post btw: Hi everyone!)

[Caitlin2009]

well im American and shes Scottish, so yeah were from different cultures. I can speak in a scottish accent, and her accent changes depending on who shes talking to talking to me her accent is softer but you can tell shes from Scotland, with people who have thicker accents like her parents or her roomate her accent gets thicker which is interesting and really sexy! She can speak broad scottish as well which is very very thick and when she speaks it i dont understand a word she says lol, there are times where she'll say something and i dont know what she said and i'll have her repeat it especially when she gets angry her accent gets really thick, its a little rusty but she can also speak spanish too. And i would say there culture over there is a bit different, they use different words from over here which i use more often now because i like them better if im tired i normally say im knackered....i dunno i just like the different words they use

[FadedSunrise]

@Milaya: that could almost describe us to a T, except with slight changes. I'm Chinese heritage, but raised American(born in China and mostly grew up here). He's Chinese born and raised. I'm flamboyant, friendly, and outgoing in a lot of ways, but when it comes to deep subjects and those kinds of emotions, I tend to bury it inside and tell no one. (I was almost never even going to make friends with him, given how much I was shyly crushing on him!)

He is in some ways me, toned down a few pitches. We can find it fun going for a run at 8am on a freezing Beijing morning(he's a martial artist and personal trainer, I'm just an insane hobbyist), but he will be the first one to suggest quiet time. Sometimes I find it hard to slow down to his pace when he wants it, because once you rev me up I can go for a long time. I'm also impatient easily and revel in new things, whereas he is content going slower. I've also tried the excessive probing into what he's thinking, just because I've often gotten so frustrated with not really knowing sometimes. Also, his way of being private about his emotions is to look happy all the time, even when he actually isnt. And to appear stronger and less hopelessly controlled by his emotions than I am. This had made me feel pathetic for being the younger and less mature one at times. Until the next time he shows me that he's just as smitten...

We have thus far not argued, because wow, he has one hell of a long fuse. I have never seen him angry, and definitely not at me(but the fact that we've only known each other a month and a half might help), but he says he's that way with most things in life. I'm a little afraid of the first time I will see him angry. In general, I am also evenly tempered, but the times I fly into a rage are more than him(I get angry about other things), and he always calms me down!

The Chinese are a lot like the Japanese, in that the culture does not really do PDAs and other open displays of affection. As a typical giddy smitten girl though, it was sometimes hard not being openly affectionate, and I wanted to be.

Half hoping this will one day work out to us at least being official...but the other half of me is telling this part to be realistic and drop it.

[RaMa0999]

My girlfriend is Chinese (lived there all her life). The cultural differences between us are very big, however it seems to be easier for her as she is exposed to Western Culture through TV and Movies. It also seems to be an easy excuse to blame any problem on Cultural differences, so I think its important to make sure that that is the actual reason for any difficulties. On the other hand its also quite easy to get angry or disappointed at her when its not her fault, but just how she has been brought up.

Some issues off the top of my head that I am dealing with:
1) Our relationship having to be secret from everyone other than her parents (just in case I leave her and cause her family to lose 'face')
2) Her tendency to accept ridiculous hardships in her life (such as jobs etc) and give very little fight or complain in the face of it
3) Lack of openess in most topics
4) Accepting the idea of family-connectedness and stranger-aversiveness that is normal in China today

I am sure she also has to learn to deal with cultural differences on my part too, but it takes a lot of work and time to understand it all.
So whilst learning chinese is important, learning the culture, to me, is equally important. I guess others in cross cultural relationships would probably agree with that too....

I am sure she is also having

[BethJeffafar]

Wow! I'm really glad to read all the couples in different countries! I am also glad to know I'm not the only one here with someone from Asia! I am Asian American, and my boyfriend is Taiwanese (born and raised). For us, even though there are cultural differences, it doesn't seem to make a difference in our relationship; we are so alike (personality wise), and sometimes we forget that we are American or Taiwanese, we just see each other as bf/gf, if that makes sense.

[fromWAtoMI]

My SO and I are from the same country (the US), but totally different culture. He was born and raised in Michigan...lived there his whole life. I was born in Washington state, but have a highly mobile family and lived in 7 different countries before I graduated from high school. So, technically, I'm a TCK (Third Culture Kid). It doesn't seem like that would play a major part in a relationship to most, but it totally does. I don't really have a place that I call "home" and I kind of like it that way...everywhere I live is home and has a special place in my heart, but none is really rooted in my mind. He wants to travel, but has a definite sense of home and isn't too keen on changing that. My life is kind of a fly by the seat of your pants thing...every year is an adventure and I sort of live by the philosophy that once my lease is up, I either renew and stay or find a new job in a new place and try it out. I also can be incredibly against forging deep relationships because of moving so much as a kid...makes it hard for me to get super invested in anything (including this relationship...he's such a trooper for dealing with me!) and keeps me super attached to days gone by and friends from all over the place.

I dunno, I guess it's all stuff that should be easy to work through, but since we were raised in totally different ways/cultures, it terrifies me to think about agreeing on a lifestyle. If he's the one, it will all come together and my doubts will go away. It's great that I saw this thread today, because cultural differences are something that I have been processing and reasoning through a ton this week...

[ms3]

I'm Swiss, and my SO is from a remote Asian area, so there are huge culture differences. However, she spent one year in the UK and was also influenced by Western Media, so she already quite go used to our culture. I visited her for several months altogether, but the lack of privacy is still hard to accept, especially when we haven't seen each other for months. Fortunately, she's quite individualistic, so she hopefully won't find it all that hard to live in Switzerland. There's also more cultural differences, like the roles and expectations of males/females, the directness, the pace of life etc...

[Xanahtas]

Well, He is Canadian but his dad is Indian and his mum Portugese and they moved to Canada when he was younger from india. I'm all english and white and brought up christian. He was brought up catholic. Neither of us are religious though.
Canadians seem like such nice people, they are a lot more polite than some english XD I've spoken to a lot of his friends and i know from people that have been there that they are generally nice people. But so are most english so >.< Luckily we both only speak english so there isnt that awkwardness of both speaking different languages XD
We have a lot in common although we have totally different backgrounds. I get a lot of people saying rasict stuff about him which i HATE though. But im used to it all now
Im just happy i have such an amazing bf