Sir Douchington ride again

[Sano]

Im just going to call my bf Sir Douchington when he pisses me off.
The latest happening was yesterday. I've been off work because I hurt my back but Im going back tomorow (its just been three days >.>) But anyway, at a "certain" time of the month I get depressed sometimes and I usually just like to talk to someone and its usually my friend or my sister but this time since I was at home when my bf is usually online I thought maybe we could talk for a little bit. I was trying to explain to him while I was feeling so mopey then he just pops up and asks do you mind if I go play one of my games." It kind of hurt my feelings but I did say I really dont want you to go and if you do go, it would hurt my feelings. So he stayed and we talked for maybe a hr then he said he was getting sleepy and by then I was feeling a little better and I thought it was cute because he said we didnt have to stop talking and he'd go to sleep with me and then ..... like 10 seconds later he asked if I'd mind if he went to play his game AGAIN. And my moon went crashing back down. And he was just like well "you know this is usually the time I play with my friends and I did ask you so its not like I just left without saying anything"

I told him not a hour and half ago my response to that and it hadn't changed. All I wanted was to spend time with him since Im off and he seemed to be free. He said thats how he reliefs his stress and whatever but he spends literally like 11 hours playing with these people and then tells me Im just getting mad because he's not at my beck and call.

Then he says well when you come visit and then come live with me I wont have time for the game anyway so I guess Im trying to do it while I still can. And that really struck a nerve with me because now Im like if you dont have time for me now, I dont trust you'll have time for me when Im physically with you. And if thats the case I dont want start a family with you ... at all.
(sorry for the long post ... venting ><)

[Karringtyn]

First of all I am glad you were able to tell him that you NEEDED him when you did. He listened to you for an hour right? He comforted you and talked with you. If I am understanding right he then said he would like to go play his game...I guess I can see his side...he just wanted to go relieve stress and spend time with friends...which is a healthy part of a relationship. If he hadn't taken the time to be there for you when you needed him it would be one thing...but you said you were feeling better.

Hang in there...and know we do all understand.

[Silviar]

Then he says well when you come visit and then come live with me I wont have time for the game anyway so I guess Im trying to do it while I still can. And that really struck a nerve with me because now Im like if you dont have time for me now, I dont trust you'll have time for me when Im physically with you. And if thats the case I dont want start a family with you ... at all.

Actually, I think this is a fair way for you to look at it. People like to say "Oh, when we're together, blah blah blah,", and to some extent it may be true, but the fact is when you live together, they don't stop doing their hobbies or enjoying what they do. He might stop playing his game for a time, but he's not going to forever. Conversely, however, you might not mind as much him playing when you live together if your wants and needs are met.

Two things - one, have you read the book The Five Love Languages? I think it's really good, and although he uses some Christian points/scripture, if you're not religious you can ignore that part because the rest of it is still very good reading. It may help you identify what your and his love language is, and how much of what you need to feel secure and happy in your relationship. And I think it changes a bit when you're LDR - we have to compensate when we're unable to touch.

I hope you're able to talk to him about this when you're both feeling fine - a neutral time where it can be a discussion instead of an emotion laden fest.

[Sano]

I just thought Id have more time to talk to him since he spends like 11 hours playing his game anyway. I didnt see why he couldn't just stay with me

[sabby64]

When Brandon's busy with his online games or whatever he just stays on webcam and usually it will let him talk to me while he's playing. And since it's a private conversation noone else in the game can hear him and it lets us talk when he's busy. I get his obsession with games, cuz I have it too, and so the in-game webcam is like a middle-ground for us because I can still see him and we can still talk, and he gets his game time. Maybe you could try something like that?

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm gonna agree with Karringtyn in that he did do as you asked and, in a way, it was fair that he at least asked to go play instead of just going or lying and doing it behind your back. At the same time I can see how it felt rude or like he didn't care, but he has his hobbies, however silly you see them, and you have yours. And maybe I'm just a tad sensitive by taking offense to his "I gotta get it in while I still can" comment because I really found that uncalled for as far as the conversation. I don't remember you ever saying you wanted him to quit the gaming completely so where he'd get that idea is beyond me.

If you want more time with him, talk to him about it. Tell him that you feel like the game is more important/your emotional needs aren't being met/whatever the reason is and ask that maybe you guys set aside x amount of hours one or two days a week just for each other. sabby's suggestion is good too, if you guys cam. It may not be the BEST solution, but it's a compromise.