I don't know what to do...

[DarkSolitary]

Me and my SO never talk on the phone. The last time we talked on the phone was quite a few months ago. I want to talk to him on the phone but my stupid childhood phobia of talking on the phone stops me. This is really affecting my SO because I keep crushing his hopes of ever talking on the phone with me. Whenever he calls, I tell myself to answer but I don't... I keep blowing him off... I don't even talk when we webcam.... Pretty much the only way we communicate is texting and occasional IM's. Which is at least communication but it gets old and unfulfilling... I don't know how to get myself to not be afraid of talking on the phone... Forcing myself to talk on the phone won't work because I will get scared and hang up.. I don't get it... We had a mini fight about this issue and its making me really sad because I don't know what to do fix this....

Please, If you comment on this don't say things like "OMG your a coward. I can't believe you won't talk to you SO over the phone" I don't need that. I'm not saying anyone will do that but just saying...

[blankita719]

I sort of have a phone phobia too - I absolutely hate calling people and talking on the phone. Have you tried maybe recording messages to him? That way he can hear your voice like I am sure he wants to, and maybe you can practice talking to him that way? I know this won't be something easy to get past, but maybe that would help? It may ease up once you start back in school and get used to socializing with new people. And if you ever want to practice talking, just let me know...I'll happily chat with you if a little bit of no pressure practice would help ((Hugs))

[Zephii]

That's a really good idea!

I had this problem too. It took me a loooong time to get past it. I know one of the things we did is we would use msn voice.. and he would talk to me and let me type a reply. Just wear the headset to get used to it, but mute it the first few times. Then later you can unmute it, but when you get scared you can type a reply. You don't have to talk, but the option is there too. Do both.

Also you can use a safe word. If I was having problems I'd say or type "ducktape" and Obi knew then to either wait for me to speak, or to just talk for a while about something which wouldn't require a response from me.

You can get past this! Good luck.

[Bluestars]

I can really understand how that is causing your problem in your relationship. Talking on the phone (for us at least) is a lot more intimate than just chatting online. I have social anxiety, so I can kind of relate (although I mainly have problems talking to new people or having to give speeches).

My initial reaction is to say just force yourself to do it....but you say you can't. I used to say the same thing about going up to people, but when I started college I had no choice but to go talk to new people. Now, I avoid doing it at all costs, but if I have to, I can. What if you try setting goals to talk to your SO for small periods at a time. What exactly are you afraid of? I am guessing that it could be coming up with conversation? Talking for small amounts of time might take the pressure off of you. Or are you possibly afraid because you think that you will sound silly? (my SO was afraid of that at first).

Also, if you are afraid of what to say, maybe you guys could come up with a sort of script? You guys could come up with questions together and then have to answer them out-loud. Or what if you read a book over webcam without really having a conversation. That might help you get used to hearing yourself.

Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully you can overcome this issue! Like Blankita offered, I could also talk with you over gmail or something as well if you need practice. I am extremely shy so it would be hard for the both of us lol! But I will be free for the next four days basically (and possibly bored out of my mind) after tomorrow

[TknandLvnIt]

I have never had this fear personally but the responses above sound really helpful...I think there may also be an intimidation factor. You could try recording voicemails to each other back and forth or that software that reads what you type out loud. Instead of chat why not emails that way he can send you a video where he reads it to you or responds to you back and forth so you aren't pressured to answer immediately. Skype has the calling without video option so maybe one day while you are busy at home you can call each other and you can practice talking to him without seeing him. Maybe that will make it easier. Hope this helps a bit...good luck love :-)

[Dauntedpoet]

well I have a phobia of seeing myself.. and what I was told to do was to figure out exactly what part of seeing myself caused the panic, and then I "practiced" every other step but the trigger. ( I could look at certain parts of my body in a reflection or on cam without panic so I practiced those parts) After practicing the other parts.. I started with 10 second increments and 'practiced' the trigger...It took me a long time to be able to cam all evening with my SO but I can, and I still don't 'like' seeing myself, but now I can managed it because I love seeing him so much its definitely worth the reward to me. Hugs Hugs Hugs to you.

[Èternity]

I've written this post about three times, wondering if I should write at all. Anyway, I'm really, really concerned about the bigger picture. I'm worried that you are unable to talk to him on the phone but he is going to be moving into your home in six months. Maybe I don't understand the phone phobia but I can't seem to reconcile the two in my head. It seems to be a whole lot of ground to cover in a short period of time, in addition to starting college in the new year. I don't know, I'm just worried for you.

[DarkSolitary]

I've written this post about three times, wondering if I should write at all. Anyway, I'm really, really concerned about the bigger picture. I'm worried that you are unable to talk to him on the phone but he is going to be moving into your home in six months. Maybe I don't understand the phone phobia but I can't seem to reconcile the two in my head. It seems to be a whole lot of ground to cover in a short period of time, in addition to starting college in the new year. I don't know, I'm just worried for you.

I know you are. I'm honestly worried about myself too... The cause of my phone phobia is a mix of worrying that I will sound stupid and not knowing what to talk about. I'm just utterly confused. >.<

[garnet]

I had some issues with this too. The thing that seemed to help the most was to call on the phone for things that in my mind, were easier. Such as calling to make a doctors appointment. Calling to see if a store had something in stock. Random calls to strangers helped ease the phone freak outs. It took me a couple of months to pick up when my ex bf called. I have bad anxiety and this totally set me off. The more I used the phone for other things though, the better it got.
And honestly, going on medication helped me with it too. I didn't need therapy, it was chemical problems passed down over generations in my family, and the meds really changed things. Of course, that is not the answer for everyone, but if this is super bad, maybe you would want to consult a doctor too.

[KiwiLove]

Hey, I also wasnt sure if I should write something in here or not because there are already heaps of good advices I think :-)
But sometimes I also have that "problem", with talking on the phone.
I really do LOVE to hear my boyfriends voice its warm and kind and make me feel comfortable even if I am crying a lot and almost everytime when we talk on the phone.

But for you it would probably help to call a very close friend first?!! Maybe when you are still in the same room and just acting to call each other then you and your friend go further away of each other until you are out of sight. When you start to feel a bit more comfortable you try to call your SO and could just listen to his voice..I think (and I believe its working) when you practise again and again you will be fine :-)
*Good luck*!!!

[Silviar]

I think you've had lots of good advice, but what I think you should also look at is therapy. There are many excellent forms of therapy for helping people with phobias. I really encourage you to look for this - it will be worth it, not just for your relationship but also for school, work... everything.

I'm really worried about you and your SO moving in as well. This could really affect you and your relationship, in addition to your quality of life. Please, if you find the things you're trying on your own don't work, please consider therapy.

[BoogleBee]

I have a phone phobia. I absolutely can not use the phone to call people...which makes things really difficult if I need to ring a restaurant, or work to call in sick..or my friends. I just get so nervous that I can't do it. And I never answer the phone unless I know who is calling. I even told my mum to have a code of ringing and hanging up after 3 rings and then ringing again for me to know it is her so I can answer.
However, I can call my SO easily. She is the only person I have not trouble calling. I don't know why that is, but I am glad.
However, I don't really know how you can help it, although people have listed some good ideas.
I also am a bit worried if you never talk aloud with each other and he is going to be moving to be with you soonish like Eternity said.
I find that typing is never ever nowehere near as good or as intimate and special as hearing your SO's voice. But that is just me. I hope things can improve

[Bluestars]

I think you've had lots of good advice, but what I think you should also look at is therapy. There are many excellent forms of therapy for helping people with phobias. I really encourage you to look for this - it will be worth it, not just for your relationship but also for school, work... everything.

I'm really worried about you and your SO moving in as well. This could really affect you and your relationship, in addition to your quality of life. Please, if you find the things you're trying on your own don't work, please consider therapy.

I totally second this. I was going to suggest therapy as well but for some reason I avoided putting it because I say it all of the time. But really, talking on the phone is necessary for life in general. If you can't talk to your own boyfriend on the phone, you most likely (if not already) are going to have other problems arise from this phobia as well.

[Stephanieeee]

Ah, Kyle has an issue with this as well. It didn't really stop us from talking, but it was the cause of him not having a job for a few months. It was frustrating to me when he first told me about it, only because I didn't understand what it was like to have anxiety over a phone call. Once he really explained it and promised to work on it, it was easier to not let it bother me. I'm sure if you explained to your SO that you did feel this anxiety, he would be able to begin to work on this problem with you. Instead of you just dodging his phone calls all the time. This might make him think that he is the problem and not your anxiety. He should know that you do want to talk to him, but just cant.

Talk things out. It's always the best medicine.