Question for couples who met online...

[britt0851]

Does your family support your LDR, even though you met online?


Me and my SO met on Myspace. He's in Utah and I'm in Georgia. We've been together nearly 2 years and we haven't been able to meet yet. He's planned many trips to come down but something always comes up and he has to cancel. Since our relationship started, my family has never supported us. In fact they don't even see my relationship as being something real. They've seen multiple news programs about girls meeting guys online and it turns out the guy is a pedophile, pervert or a murderer and so they think that's what my situation is, when in reality it's the farthest thing from that! Issac is a great guy, alot better than most the guys the women in my family have dated or married, but just because we happened to meet online, we get treated differently. I've noticed that since we've started dating, my family has started treating me differently. It seems as if they think I'm less mature or something is wrong with me, just because I met my boyfriend online and I love him, even though I haven't met him. What annoys me most is that the people who judge and criticize me, have done way worst things than me (getting arrested multiple times, drug problems, alcohol problems, etc.) but yet I'm a screw up just because I met my bf online?? It makes no sense to me, but I've just learned to bite my tongue and put up with it anytime I have to be around them.

I'm wondering, does anybody else who has met their SO online have this same problem?

Thanks for reading

[Lunar Snow]

Yes, I do have the same problem sometimes. It has lessened over time (somewhat) and was also less of an information bomb, given that I have had a boyfriend I met online before. Ultimately, I think the main concern is that I will be unhappy pining away for someone that I may never get to be with on a regular basis and, in some ways, I can understand that given my previous experiences. However, some reactions can be really pervasive, hurtful, and illogical. For instance, I thought there wasn't much of a stigma about online dating among my peer group anymore, but I remember almost all the girls in my university program going on about how lame online dating is and that it is only for the "desperate and deformed" and, so, I never felt like I could open up to them about it (luckily, I was blessed with some friends that I could talk about it with). My SO, as I have, has felt embarrassed about it and I told him to just tell everyone we were simultaneously abducted by aliens, but when it came down to it, he did tell the real story in a public situation. My own family has their reasons to mistrust it, but I do find that there is a certain implication that I am now somehow socially deficient for having a boyfriend I met online (although, this has been reduced since many of the people in my family have now met my SO). I find it hilarious that one of my aunts gave me possibly a worse run-down on men online (with my first online bf) being psychotics, rapists, and killers, etc. than my Mom has and then it has turned out that she has fallen in love with a man online, they are engaged, and are trying to find a way for him to move to our country. >.<;

Sometimes it helps just to have others identify with you, so I gave all that information. My unsolicited advice would be to somehow introduce your SO to friends or family (ones that you think would maybe be open to it) with Skype, etc. and do something fun together like play a game (to break the ice). It would be overwhelming to meet everyone at once, of course...but I think if they had a chance to know him like you do, they wouldn't be so quick to make rampant assumptions (plus, if you can get at least one person on your bandwagon, then it might feel nice to have them on your side or to talk to in case of obnoxious criticisms). I have found that the reason behind my relationship being more accepted (there will never be total acceptance of the online or LDR thing, except, maybe...if he moves here and proposes or something) is because they have had a chance to meet him (and if that can't happen in-person, then there are alternatives from a distance).

[Caitlin2009]

Well before they even met her not so much, they like her now but my mom changes her mind like i change my underware lol she likes Denise but is forever saying how wrong it is, how i THINK i care about her, if im done dating guys

[Silviar]

I know this isn't what you asked for, but I felt compelled to respond. Your parents concern is ok, but derision is not. I mean, from their perspective they've never met the guy. I think you'll find their attitudes change once they meet him and get to see what a great guy he is for themselves. This is usually the turning point.

My parents long ago gave up trying to tell me what they thought was good or not, although mom had a problem calling him my boyfriend and kept calling him my friend. I gently corrected her, then teased her when she did it again. It got the message across.

[holdinghands]

Well my family dont know, some of my friends had issues at first but overall they're okay with it. I guess the age gap will be their biggest problem with me, even though two of my sisters are in relationships with the same age gap....but, anyway.
But, my mum and my sisters got talking about 'eharmony' and others match making sites like that, and my mum said it was a good idea and if this was the way the world was changin then so be it, but my sisters both said that people who go on those sites and meet people online must be 'total losers' (unquote) so I think they'll be worried or hesitant at first. But i think the key is just persistance and lots of time, the longer you're together and the more they see that things aren't gonna change, the quicker they'll come round to your way of thinking. After all, they're just worried for you, they will realise that how you met doesn't matter if you're happy.

[holdinghands]

I know this isn't what you asked for, but I felt compelled to respond. Your parents concern is ok, but derision is not. I mean, from their perspective they've never met the guy. I think you'll find their attitudes change once they meet him and get to see what a great guy he is for themselves. This is usually the turning point.

I agree 100%, once things are more tangible everything will straighten itself out.

[amandamayaaa]

my boyfriend and i have been together for 7 months now, and have know each other for about 8
we met online on a website called stickam, and we clicked instantly

i had no problem telling my parents about him as i am very open with them.. but of course everyone, family and friends had their doubts. especially being a girl a lot of people have concerns. but that didn't matter to me.. it actually gave me more of a drive to meet him because i knew he was something incredible, and i wanted to prove them all wrong

the minute we met, and everyone realized he was an actual real, genuine person.. they completely changed. they now know it's real, and i'm really happy that my family loves him now.. and doesn't hold the online thing against us

but i hate hearing stories like yours, because you haven't gotten that chance yet to "prove them wrong" and it's been almost 2 years. after you two actually meet it changes the entire persona.. because then everyone realizes.. that he's a real person.. just because you met him online doesn't mean a thing

sure there are a lot of creepos out there, and bad things happen all the time online.. but thats all we hear about. there are so many amazing things that happen online as well!

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm not sure what my entire family's take on it or who actually knows (I'm not allowed to talk about him but my mom called a bunch of them once when our first trip got canceled saying I was 'stood up' ) but my mom hates my SO. The main reason being race, but I think also for the reasons you mentioned in that he could be a pedo/axe murderer/chick in drag. Considering I've known him since I was 14 and he was 20, it could've turned into one of those situations but it didn't. It's not that my mom believes our feelings aren't real (well, she knows mine are) she thinks she's watching out for me because she was in a LDR with my dad and he turned out to be a monster, so she thinks my SO will be like my dad. I understand her concern, but I reserve right to judge people for myself.

[Zephii]

My mum couldn't use a computer worth a damn and thus didn't understand how exactly friendship or love could form between two people who had never met, but when Obi made the effort of writing to my sister too, and photoshopped us together in a picture (which I showed mum) she decided that our "friendship" was a good thing and supported it. I like to think she'd be proud of me now.
My sister too has always been "Vote #1 Obi", so I didn't have problems there. Though I did cop a lot of the "date someone in your own country" jokes just before we met. But, that's more because Bec was afraid to lose me more than anything. She supported me a lot in other ways.

But, I think how you handle the relationship is important. You need to make your SO seem more real, for starters, and your family will generally be happier if they can see that you're happy. Occasionally I get weird comments from people when they first find out that we met online, but for some reason the fact that we didn't meet on a dating website puts people's mind at easy. (Which is dumb, but whatever.)

[princessmia]

You know that I'm struggling with that a bit too =)
It just takes a long time for them to finally accept it. Or so I've heard.
It's finally starting to make a difference.
Remember that those people who say the things and have done lots worse--they don't KNOW. They don't know what it's like, they don't understand how you can possibly do it, how you can stand to be away from them...meeting online is a new and thriving thing these days--people still are struggling to accept it. Especially those who don't understand technology.
My dad just can't understand how I know my SO, how I'm 'close' with him, If I've never met him.
Brittany what you need to remember is that they don't UNDERSTAND. I bet you every single one of them is secretly envying you because they could never ever see themselves going through it. It's hard. My mom flat out told me that she couldn't do it, and that she's proud of me for being so strong. But she's supportive of my relationship.
Things WILL get better once you meet. Whoever it is will SEE. The situation will change.
And right now, you're probably thinking, 'Then we have to meet NOW!!'
Yes, hun. We're all thinking that.
Don't give up--and If you need someone to talk to, I'm always going to be there for you =)

P.S: None of us are pedophiles, so...

You know what's the truth, and stick to it. Happiness awaits you

[paulawriteslove]

I am actually lucky because my parents absolutely love my boyfriend! And his parents love me

[chwdg10]

I met my boyfriend almost three years ago on an online game. At first my parents weren't sure about because we had never even met each other in person. I started off by bringing him up as a friend online. Eventually I sat down with my mom and told her that Chris had become closer to me and I considered him my boyfriend. She didn't reject it, but thought it was a little odd.

After talking more about him and having my mom talk to him online, both of my parents got to know him better and saw us more as a couple. He came to see me and stayed with us for a month a year and a half after we met online. My parents finally met him, I met him, and we spent a ton of time together. My parents now support us and see us as having a future together.

I would have to say the thing that helped my parents understand was to ease him in to my conversations with them and introduce them to each other so he wasn't "some guy on the internet".

[britt0851]

I know this isn't what you asked for, but I felt compelled to respond. Your parents concern is ok, but derision is not. I mean, from their perspective they've never met the guy. I think you'll find their attitudes change once they meet him and get to see what a great guy he is for themselves. This is usually the turning point.

I agree but actually they're not the ones giving me problems. My dad is not a part of my life and my mom loves Issac. They talk all the time...some days she talks to him longer than I do!

[britt0851]

but i hate hearing stories like yours, because you haven't gotten that chance yet to "prove them wrong" and it's been almost 2 years. after you two actually meet it changes the entire persona.. because then everyone realizes.. that he's a real person.. just because you met him online doesn't mean a thing

sure there are a lot of creepos out there, and bad things happen all the time online.. but thats all we hear about. there are so many amazing things that happen online as well!

Thank you for that! It truly cheered me up!

[britt0851]

You know that I'm struggling with that a bit too =)
It just takes a long time for them to finally accept it. Or so I've heard.
It's finally starting to make a difference.
Remember that those people who say the things and have done lots worse--they don't KNOW. They don't know what it's like, they don't understand how you can possibly do it, how you can stand to be away from them...meeting online is a new and thriving thing these days--people still are struggling to accept it. Especially those who don't understand technology.
My dad just can't understand how I know my SO, how I'm 'close' with him, If I've never met him.
Brittany what you need to remember is that they don't UNDERSTAND. I bet you every single one of them is secretly envying you because they could never ever see themselves going through it. It's hard. My mom flat out told me that she couldn't do it, and that she's proud of me for being so strong. But she's supportive of my relationship.
Things WILL get better once you meet. Whoever it is will SEE. The situation will change.
And right now, you're probably thinking, 'Then we have to meet NOW!!'
Yes, hun. We're all thinking that.
Don't give up--and If you need someone to talk to, I'm always going to be there for you =)

P.S: None of us are pedophiles, so...

You know what's the truth, and stick to it. Happiness awaits you

Thank you for all of that It made me feel better and the last part made me laugh, which I haven't done too much of this week, so I really needed it. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you too