Question for couples who met online...

[britt0851]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I appreciate it! It's helped me alot

[Bluestars]

My mom was the exact same way when she found out about my boyfriend. She thought he would be the craigslist serial killer or something! It was kind of ironic because she was ok with us meeting up as friends but when we started dating afterwards she said said it was impossible to be in a real relationship with someone who lived in another state. Like others have mentioned, once my mom met my SO in person herself she actually liked him, but it took until that point. Basically, she couldn't see him as a real person until she met him and gave him the stamp of approval.

Like others have said, it would probably help if you introduce him to them slowly. Show them his facebook page. It is really hard to make up things like friends posting on your wall and whatnot, so it should be obvious that he is "real." Show them pictures of him and let them see him on webcam if you guys are comfortable with that. However, it really might just come down to them meeting him, but you just have to believe in your relationship and prove the haters wrong

Good luck!

[threecheers9980]

My sister doesn't really care about my relationship and has no opinion about my SO (at least not that she's willing to tell me). My father has met Joe once and doesn't like him or trust him because he's borrowed money from me when times were tough. My father has watched those investigative shows on tv where women are bilked out of their life savings by shady guys, so he thinks that's what Joe is doing to me. What my father fails to understand is that if Joe was really after money, he would have figured out by now that I'm totally the wrong person to be with, lol.

My overall feeling is that my family is generally unsupportive. But I'm an adult, so whatever.

[britt0851]

My overall feeling is that my family is generally unsupportive. But I'm an adult, so whatever.

EXACTLY! That's my situation too!

[xopookie]

I don't think you should bite your tongue if they can't do the same with you and your relationship (this character is on point keep beating the deadhorse aka keep bring up stuff) but I have to admit there are some creepos on the internet for example I remember using blackplanet to meet guys (it's a dating site where for once black people can get together without fighting lol joking) and I met this big italian guy on there. I thought everything was good but he became desperate and obsessive and we never met before. Well, that ended and he ended up finding me on myspace..... but I also met this guy that looked like a rat and still lived with his parents and then I went to the aznricelovers site because I loved asian men and I thought I can try that out but that didn't work either because my past love interest lived in Hong Kong

[agentholli]

I am struggling with it a little bit. A lot of my family think he isn't real...or that he will never come. They wonder why i am waiting for him, when it isn't ever going to happen. Its not so much that I met him online, its the fact that he doesn't live here, and we haven't met..and I am not dating other people. I told my dad that we had been together for a year, and he said..and where as it gotten you.

Its like really? I am happy..he gives me hope..why can't you just let me do it? They usually do just let me. They gave up a long time ago trying to tell me what they think is right. My mom does still call him my friend..but they hear me say i love him all the time. I think they are just getting impatient.

[xopookie]

Wait you told them that you met him online?! That's honest usually people would lie and be like "I met him through a friend or at the park" because it's still kinda taboo to meet lovers online... even though we've all met someone online before well our generation!

[Lumos]

I was friends with my SO for years before we started dating, so my parents knew about him as my friend. I didn't tell them we were dating until after we met in person, and they've never seemed to mind that we met online. I don't see why they wouldn't approve of him though; he's super polite and thoughtful. :P

That being said, I don't like admitting to people that I met my boyfriend online. I try to avoid the question, and the answer has to be drug out of me. Even then, I try to keep it vague. I usually just say "Online" and hope they leave it at that. I don't want to mention we met in an MMORPG :P

[Bluestars]

Wait you told them that you met him online?! That's honest usually people would lie and be like "I met him through a friend or at the park" because it's still kinda taboo to meet lovers online... even though we've all met someone online before well our generation!

I don't think people usually lie about how they met their SO. That is a big generalization. Personally, I would think that is a big no-no because a lie that big can come back to bite you. I might be a little hesitant to tell people that I met my SO online (and I do not go out of my way to tell people), but I have never lied about it. Yeah, some people think it is weird at first and might make assumptions that he is hideous/ a crazy psycho person, but when when I explain things the majority of the people don't care at all. So I do not see any reason not to tell people.

[Stephanieeee]

I feel ya. My parents didn't used to take me seriously either. Not until just recently when I sat down and fully explained to them how serious I actually am about Kyle.
I wrote a blog about this actually. https://members.lovingfromadistance....t-deserve-this.

It's obnoxious. But you'll show them. And that will be the best feeling in the world.

[Moon]

Just to play Devil's Advocate a little here.....
I rarely post in these forums, but feel compelled to say something in this thread. I don't expect any of you to agree with me, btw, but that's fine.

I'm the parent of a 22 year old daughter (yeah, I'm old, whatever), and tbh, if she were in an online relationship for a couple of years with someone she hasn't met, I wouldn't like it, either. I'd be very suspicious of the situation because if my daughter was worth it, some guy wouldn't leave her hanging for that long. My kid happens to be very smart and savvy, but she's still only 22 (yep, only 22!), and I'd be very concerned about the situation. I'd also be afraid that she was wasting her youth on some guy who either couldn't be bothered to meet her in person, or worse, scamming her in some way by portraying himself as something he's not. Look, it happens, and we ALL think we're too smart to fall for something like that, but it does happen all the time!

Your parents have an inherent right to worry about you, that's what happens when you love your kids. Your parents are also wiser than you are, that's not to say they're right though. Instead of "showing them", you need to make them comfortable about the relationship, if you want them to accept it. Some never will though, as I'm sure you know, a lot of parents aren't nearly as knowledgeable about technology and modern dating as you are. If you want acceptance, firstly and most importantly, be OPEN AND HONEST! They might not understand, but so what? At least there are no surprises to cause distrust that way. Let them meet your SO over webcam or something, it'll make him or her more real to them. Talk about him/her in casual conversation, make them a part of things. If your SO is from a different culture or country, talk about how they celebrate holidays or something similar. Make it so they almost know your SO.

If you act sneaky or closed off, it's only gonna make them doubt your relationship even more. It's not that they don't trust your decisions, they just worry about you. Yeah, its a pain in the ass, I'm 40 and my parents still worry about me, but trust me, its better than not having anyone to worry about you. I'm in an international LDR, and when I flew off to Finland to meet him for the first time, my 68 year old mother learned how to text Definitely a pain in the ass, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Try not to give them an attitude, and let them know you understand their concerns. Be mature about it, and most parents will come to accept it. Look at it from their point of view, you are their baby -like it or not- and you're dating in ways they don't quite understand, if you care how they feel, help them out with it a little. I know its frustrating, and if you're over 18, you don't have to care, but if you live at home still, you do have to deal with your parents and depend on them in some ways, so make it easier on you both, and realize parents ARE annoying, but its only because they love you and because they have seen things in life you haven't yet.

[Čternity]

I had that issue with my brother on our first visit. When he found out I was going to Tx to meet this person I met on the internet basically I had to update FB daily or he promised me he would call the local police to report me missing. Did I believe he would? yes he absolutely would. He put my entire extended family on alert with calls home to everyone including my ex-h asking did they know where I was and what I was doing. I'm 45 and have travelled all over the world on my own but he was still convinced I was going to my death. Age is no barrier to your family's concerns.

[tiffinnie]

I told my parents right away... my mom was actually sitting next to me when we started talking about making "us" an official thing... because as weird as it sounds, we were talking about getting married and how much we love each other well before we started actually dating. No one was taking us serious they thought it was just some cutesy thing going on and then he made a FB account and added all of my close friends and family... then he started talking to everyone... wishing my friends happy birthday and giving his opinion in their situations... writing my parents with "hey father, hows your day going?" and when I asked why he was calling my dad his father he said "because one day he is going to be my father-in-law" and wrote it on there for everyone to see that I wasn't just making things up... that I wasnt saying to everyone that this amazing smart gorgeous guy was interested in me at all when he wasnt... then the text messages (because I don't have a cellphone) started coming in on my step sisters phone... every morning... sweet romantic stuff that would make my step sister smile and laugh all day long until she could show them to me when she got home from work (yes, she knew they were for me, they said they were... she just read them because they were adorable!) it became super real to my family when he started getting involved with them. Sometimes my step sister will ask me "do you really think he will come here? do you really think you two will get married? do you really think he isn't out having sex with all these girls?" and the answer every time is yes. no cute little smile accompanying it, not angry gestures, no screaming, no defensive back lashing... just a serious straight faced "yes"... I duno, my family is a lot more accepting than most, I'm sure they all have their doubts and I call them on it sometimes when I notice it. I just don't get over emotional when it comes to responding to them, and I don't feed into their negativity... They know how I feel and if they have things to say about it, they do... I've even told all of my friends and they just... leave it alone... I think that the maturity level that they people that doubt you have must be that of a three year old... Don't give in to any of it, stand your ground and don't get emotional about whatever they say. Accept the very real fact that they don't know and they may never find a love like they one you have with Issac. They are purely jealous and/or ignorant and just because they say it isn't real or tease you about it doesn't mean ANYTHING... Do not indulge in conversation with the morons, just answer their questions simply and then end it. Nothing they say needs to be taken to heart because they don't have what you have. They don't matter!

[CynderAngel]

I was afraid to tell my parents about Chris for a long time because I knew they wouldn't like the fact that I met him online. One day, mom asked me who that boy was I was always talking to. I didn't want to answer her, but I told her he was more than a friend. She kept asking me how I knew it was real, how I knew he was who he said he was, etc. I explained to her that I'd been talking to him for over a year, I'd seen him on webcam, and I'd heard his voice, so I knew he wasn't a 50+ year old pedophile. X3 She said she wouldn't forbid me from talking to him, but she made me promise not to run off on my own to go see him. I was okay with that. She was concerned. That's normal. Dad felt basically the same way when we let him know. My brother was not accepting. Not long after that, I got my parents' approval for Chris to come down here. They drove me to the airport and had dinner with him, and Dad really seemed to like him. He's said before that he thinks Chris is a very nice boy. Mom doesn't have anything against him, but she doesn't like the age difference (I'm an adult, he's a minor) and she wants him to live closer (but heck, I want that too!). Even so, their okay with it. They're still concerned, but they're my parents. I'm pretty sure being concerned is in the job description.

As for my brother... he locked himself in his room the entire time Chris was here. He refused to interact with him (he did interact with Chris twice, but I think it was because Mom and I were mad at him for being so rude). My brother isn't any more okay with this relationship than he was before we met. When asked why, he only says because it began online. I asked him if he'd go to our wedding if it got to that (Chris and I do talk about that a lot). He said he'd go if he was dragged kicking and screaming. My brother is 22. He should be more mature than this. He is completely against the relationship and doesn't care how important it is to me or how happy Chris makes me.

What the others have said is true; it does help to meet your SO in person. I have a feeling that there are more people like my brother out there though. If anyone reacts to your SO the way my brother does, all you can do is ignore it. Telling my brother how I feel does no good. It helps that I have my parents' support.

[misscaitlin906]

well in the beginning i didnt tell anyone we met online he was "my friends cousin." my mom went down with me to meet him for the first time (she thought we were just seeing each other again.) eventually i confessed..she wasnt so sure at first and kept telling me that i should date around and stuff like that but now shes gotten to love him :]