I dont think Im mad anymore

[Sano]

We had a talk again and he asked me to seriously think about us and tell him the problem he sees in our relationship and what would make me happy. So I sat down with a pen and paper and came up with a list.
One of the things on my lists (which was the foremost in my thoughts but not necessarily the most important) was that he stopped talking to this guy who said he loved him. That one guy has been causing us both a lot of stress because it seems like he's trying to sabotage him and he even asked me before this if I wanted him to stop talking to him. So when I brought it up that I did it was like I called his bluff and he exploded on me. I couldn't believe it because I was completely calm even when he was yelling. I think maybe I was just too tired to get worked up over someone he claimed multiple times wasn't important to him. So he hung up on me and I just kind of figured it was over but if it was, he was going to be man enough to tell me over the phone.
I guess he took some time to cool down and called me back. When he called me back we talked more civilized about the other thing but he still couldn't do what I asked. I told him it was fine because now I know what Im dealing with, with you. We did set up a schedule for when we could spend time together and now Im just waiting to see if he can actually do it. Im actually starting to think he might be a little addicted to this game he was playiing. He's just consumed more and more by it, to the point of not sleeping and when he does talk to me he's seems so anxious to get back to it.
>>>> But my point is, whenever we talk again (since we didnt today, he saw me online and went straight to his game without so much as a 'hi')
Im going to tell him I want our relationship downgraded. I dont really want to talk about his plans for the future with me, or any kind of sexual anything. When he brings up stuff like that, I just get immediately turned off because he will have talked about his game for a whole 6 mins and Im just not interested anymore. He asked me did my sex drive change, and it hasn't. Im just interested in sharing with him anymore at this point. Im almost feeling like he has to earn his way back to the comfort I felt with him before all this stuff happened.
Thats a really long post XD
sorry
<.< maybe I should've blogged it

[Rugger]

I Agree with everything you posted, Sweetie. If I were you, this would be his last shot to work it out and that would be it. But then again I'm not you. You need to stand up for what YOU want, your relationship isn't just about him.

[Sano]

Im grateful for the support I found on here. Im just finally ready to make a definite decision on this relationship. I think Im just tired of everything finally.

[Silviar]

What I'm reading between the lines here is he lost his special place as your partner because he's not emotionally available or supportive, and when you're LDR, the emotional connection has to make up for the physical to a certain extent, otherwise, how can you weather all of the bad stuff? I think it's good you're thinking about the way he's treating you and recognizing it's unfair. Just keep doing what's right and good for you.

[Sano]

He's just not there enough at all. I just havent been worrying or making the extra effort to talk to him. He may be starting to notice but we didnt talk long enough yesterday to tell him. But today is one of our days we scheduled to spend time together so Im wondering if he keeps his word tonight

[Silviar]

He's just not there enough at all. I just havent been worrying or making the extra effort to talk to him. He may be starting to notice but we didnt talk long enough yesterday to tell him. But today is one of our days we scheduled to spend time together so Im wondering if he keeps his word tonight

I'm also interesting in knowing if he keeps his word.

[NikkiP]

Me too! My SO is in town for the weekend so I probably won't know until Monday but know that I'm thinking about you!

[Jovan]

We had a talk again and he asked me to seriously think about us and tell him the problem he sees in our relationship and what would make me happy. So I sat down with a pen and paper and came up with a list.
One of the things on my lists (which was the foremost in my thoughts but not necessarily the most important) was that he stopped talking to this guy who said he loved him. That one guy has been causing us both a lot of stress because it seems like he's trying to sabotage him and he even asked me before this if I wanted him to stop talking to him. So when I brought it up that I did it was like I called his bluff and he exploded on me. I couldn't believe it because I was completely calm even when he was yelling. I think maybe I was just too tired to get worked up over someone he claimed multiple times wasn't important to him. So he hung up on me and I just kind of figured it was over but if it was, he was going to be man enough to tell me over the phone.
I guess he took some time to cool down and called me back. When he called me back we talked more civilized about the other thing but he still couldn't do what I asked. I told him it was fine because now I know what Im dealing with, with you. We did set up a schedule for when we could spend time together and now Im just waiting to see if he can actually do it. Im actually starting to think he might be a little addicted to this game he was playiing. He's just consumed more and more by it, to the point of not sleeping and when he does talk to me he's seems so anxious to get back to it.
>>>> But my point is, whenever we talk again (since we didnt today, he saw me online and went straight to his game without so much as a 'hi')
Im going to tell him I want our relationship downgraded. I dont really want to talk about his plans for the future with me, or any kind of sexual anything. When he brings up stuff like that, I just get immediately turned off because he will have talked about his game for a whole 6 mins and Im just not interested anymore. He asked me did my sex drive change, and it hasn't. Im just interested in sharing with him anymore at this point. Im almost feeling like he has to earn his way back to the comfort I felt with him before all this stuff happened.
Thats a really long post XD
sorry
<.< maybe I should've blogged it

I have been follow ur story since the beginning and I found that our story somehow similar. The only difference is, I'm a Man and my SO is same position just the way u are.
I know my SO more by read your post here.....

[Richard Marks]

I admit to being kinda interested as to how it turns out. But to me it sounds as if the game has become all consuming to him. This was something I struggled with myself personally, I would get so wrapped up in a game or even a book that I would push my SO to one side. It was not until my SO forcibly told me that what I was doing was causing her an immense amount of pain that I recognized my problem.

I was addicted to online gaming.

Believe it or not it is an addiction, it may not be recognized by science (yet), but it acts the same way. And it is only when HE reaches the point that he understands the game is destroying everything he loves that he will be able to start to break free. But unfortunately it has to be his realization, and he is going to have to want to change.

As much as I do not want to say it, and as much as it may hurt (and I am sorry if this does hurt), you may need to deliver an ultimatum and then carry through with it if he does not respond. Maybe him losing something he holds dear to his heart will shock him enough for him to re-evaluate his priorities. And if it does not work out, then let it go, and one day he may realize what he missed out on.

[Sano]

So Friday which was the day I was talking about earlier, he called me to tell me he was really tired so I let him sleep and I wasn't mad about about it or anything. He barely sleeps as it is because he's on his xbox all night. Sooo I was looking forward to saturday, the same thing happened "Im really tired but we can spend some time together tomorrow" again I wasn't mad or upset. I was in really good spirits with him. Then Sunday ... I waited for him all day. He sent me some nice text messages and I got online thinking maybe he wanted to spend some together then .... but he sent me text messages because he playing his game. I wasn't disappointed then because we still had all evening and all night. But he pretty much stayed on his game the rest of the evening. And it was around midnight when he finally sent me a message asking if I wanted to watch the rest of "the curious case of benjamin button" which I had already started watching. By then I was pissed because he couldn't leave his friends and game to talk to me and by then I was sleepy. Then he leaves me a voice mail asking why I backed out of it (i told him I was sleepy) and why Im dissapointed him. I was really too annoyed to sleep so I tried talking to him about it and he said I gave him a headache. >.< So then monday which is yet another day we scheduled he said he was sick but after he slept we could watch a movie or something. Last night he called me and just held the phone so I told him it it was fine, it wouldn't be much fun if he was out of it anyway. ..... So before I went to work I cut on my xbox to listen to some music while I was getting dressed (4:30am) and he's playing his game in a party with his friends. Too tired to watch a movie with me, but not too sick and tired to have shouting matches with his friends and play his video game. Im not trying to make him stop talking to his friends but I do want more attention than 4 mins a day >.<
This scheduling stuff didnt work out as I kind of expected it not to.

[Sano]

Im glad Im helping someone :P

[Sano]

I've told him multiple times before and he says he doesn't understand why Im so upset about it. He says Im jealous because he's playing with people I didn't particularly like and its not about the people he just plays the game to play the game. But I've played Left 4 Dead myself and theres only so much you can do. Then when I asked him to delete the people he plays with (which he asked me if I wanted him to do it pretty much every time we have a fight about it) he blew up at me about it. Then later he freaks out about our fights and sends me messages or voice mails begging me not to leave him and that it'll be different when I come to see him. I just have this bad feeling when I go to see him ... he's going to ask me if he can leave and go play that game and if I see his xbox at all I'll have to fight myself not to smash it.

[Sano]

He claims by asking him to stop thats its taking away something he enjoys and thats making him change who he is. I know he's a gamer thats how we met but he wasn't playing like this before. He started doing it more because I was out with my friends on the weekends. I went out twice and I even ditched my friends to come home and not spend the night with them to spend time with him and he just played his game anyway.

[Sano]

I dont think this really resolved anything at all

[Silviar]

I dont think this really resolved anything at all

Sometimes people have unhealthy addictions. I guess you'll have to decide how you want to handle it form that perspective. I'm sorry he's being so boneheaded.