Healthy Relationship Necessities

[orangelove]

Alright, so I just got out of an emotionally abusive LDR relationship. I'm still wrestling with that word: abusive. I still want to defend him and say "Oh no no. I made him mad. We're all fucked up because I made a mistake. He's a really good person." but no. He's not a good person. He was abusive plain and simple. I can look at the list of abusive behaviors and check everything off.

But anyway, I've just escaped the crazy bad year-long hellhole of a relationship and I've come to the realization that I don't really know what a healthy relationship is. I mean this is the only serious relationship I've ever had and look at how absolutely shitty it was! But I don't really know anything else. How sad and pathetic is that? So I can't believe that I've gotten to a point where I actually have to ask, but what do you think are the fundamentals of a healthy, strong, loving relationship (LDR or not)?

[Gurl]

Communication, respect, friendship, common interests, and love. In that order.

[blankita719]

Communication, respect, friendship, common interests, and love. In that order.

Agree, agree, agree, agree - The only other thing I would as is TRUST. My biggest issue by far, and I'm constantly amazed at how much I can trust my SO since I'm not used to trusting at all...but when it's healthy, it's a beautiful feeling to know that I can.

[Gurl]

D'oh I forgot the most important...put it first in my list and that's pretty complete. I guess trust just doesn't occur to me since I trust people unless they give me a reason not to!

[agentholli]

Yep I agree with what was said above. Trust, respect, communication, friendship, love and faith

[Silviar]

I think the others have put a great basic list together, which I will add - all of those are important. I think, however, it's also important for you to acknowledge that your personal definition of these things may be skewed because of your abusive relationship. I encourage you to look up some good books on healthy relationships and boundaries. There are several great books about toxic relationships, which I think you should also read in order to help you find a balance in understanding how to spot and handle these sort of people in the future.

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud is very good.

[Caitlin2009]

without looking at anybodys anwers: communication, trust, independence, respect, and lots of love

[orangelove]

Thanks guys. This really is helpful as stupidly basic as it may seem =p

[Silviar]

Thanks guys. This really is helpful as stupidly basic as it may seem =p

It's not stupid, and don't put yourself down for thinking that way. Everyone, and I mean everyone should always be considering things like this, no matter how many relationships they've had. Sometimes we get so invested in our relationships that these basic important necessities are forgotten. So don't think it's stupid; everyone needs a reminder.

[Butterfly]

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship in my past. It took me a long time to not only realize that, but admit it.

I can tell you what a healthy relationship is NOT. It's not making you feel bad about yourself, twisting words to make you feel like you are always in the wrong & it is NOT feeling like you are walking on pins and needles when simply trying to talk to your SO.

A healthy relationship is, number one, first and foremost, RESPECT, concern for one another, love, "healthy" fighting- never being scared so share your feelings and thoughts, friendship, trust and open and honest communication.

[Butterfly]

I think the others have put a great basic list together, which I will add - all of those are important. I think, however, it's also important for you to acknowledge that your personal definition of these things may be skewed because of your abusive relationship. I encourage you to look up some good books on healthy relationships and boundaries. There are several great books about toxic relationships, which I think you should also read in order to help you find a balance in understanding how to spot and handle these sort of people in the future.

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud is very good.

^ This is a great idea.

[Zephii]

Friendship, equality, balance, personal space.

"Men who hate women and the women who love them" (sorry don't remember who wrote it) Might be a good book for you to read too.
*healing hugs*