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    #1

    Asking for support for the first time

    Hi all. I'm pretty new to this place and I'm so glad I've found you all. I am in a long-term LDR. We do plan to close the distance but it will not be for years as we both have children who's other parent is involved so we can't move. We live about 3 hours apart and we do manage to see each other twice a month.

    Here is my problem. I've had a pretty poor past with relationships...and am not where I wanted to be in any aspect of my life at the age of 30, which I will be soon. I'm working to build self esteems, improve myself and all that good stuff but I'm finding it hard. I've discovered that I am miserable most of the time because I have been relying on my SO as my sole source of happiness. When he and I arent' together I feel useless. I need some ideas....ways to build my life and find my independence. I feel like my life is wasting away and I'm depressed. I can't move for another 10 years and I keep going at this rate I will be completely miserable for the next 10 years and I don't want that.

    Has anyone been in this position? What do people do to fill their lives? I have 50% costody of my son so when I don't have him I am just sitting around feeling sorry for my self...it's a bit ridiculous

    Thanks for any advice.
    Nikki
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    #2
    I had similar issues when I was with my ex, and when we split I found myself sort of at a loss as to what to do with myself. Part of what helped me get through the feelings was finding out what I actually liked. You spend so much time as a couple, it's difficult to remember what YOU want to do sometimes. I had great friends who helped by taking me and doing things I'd never done before. I went to a bunch of concerts, found new music interests, got really good at hunt and find games online, started volunteering more and of course, threw myself into work. By the time my SO and I got together, I already had a sense of independence and it's good to know that even though I miss him ridiculously, I have quite a few other things to keep me occupied. Of course, there's always the option of jumping on here and making friends

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      #3
      I learned through my divorce that I would never ever have a man "complete me." I had to find ME again and what I like. I keep myself busy with my creative side....I have my kids half the time as well...I am 41..and it took me a long time to be happy within me....just keep talking and reaching out...
      NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

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        #4
        Thank you guys. It's so nice to know that other people have been in this position before. I am almost 30, never been married and feel like before I know it my life will be gone. Everytime I've been in a relationship it's been nothing but stress because I am trying to have a man complete me and of course it never works. Scott is so different...he understands me and my insecurities that I am working so hard to overcome. So I am trying so hard not to smother him like I have done all the others. I guess I just don't know where to start. Just a little history....the reason I live in NH is because when I was 22 I was in an LDR - met down here. And nothing was holding me back at the time so I moved away from home. My ex and I had a child and were very close to getting married until he cheated and it all fell apart. I pleaded with the courts to let me go home, but my ex fought me and won. Meaning if I moved, my son would be staying here. Scott is from back home...he is my brothers best friend...I have known him since I was in diapers pretty much, lol! So I finally want to fix my life and feel some happiness. I have always been so uptight and fearing life - between my anxiety and my insecurities! I'm finally really to work hard at it!! I can't wait to get to know you guys and learn how I can achieve those things!!

        OK, enough emotional stuff, lol!!

        Thanks again!

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          #5
          Before I turned 30, I felt a lot of the same way, as I was also not married (but most of that was by choice because my ex was not a great person)...It's funny, I almost moved to NH when I was 19 to be with my SO, but we split up because he was worried I wouldn't be able to take being away from my friends and family. I tease him about the wasted years because we're back together again but really, it was the greatest thing he could have done - to help force me to grow up and make my mistakes and become the me that I am now. It's not an easy road, but once you find that thing that makes you proud of you, nobody can take that away!

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            #6
            That's funny, Scott and I were pretty much "reunited" as well. We joke about it now...those wasted years, lol! I can't wait to find that happiness and contentment that I've longed for!

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              #7
              Since my divorce, I've been rediscovering the joy of adolescent pleasures: going to baseball games, drawing, playing tennis. I also finally decided to do something about getting the career I wanted back then, as opposed to the one I fell into, and enroll in a graduate program to get there.

              What is it that you did as a teenager that you enjoyed? Is there a career path you wanted to follow that you didn't for some reason? You're never too old, but don't wait til your closer to 40 (like me) to live those dreams.

              My favorite quote to get me thru: You are as amazing as you let yourself be. Let me repeat that. You are as amazing as you let yourself be! - Elizabeth Alraune


              When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

              True love does not worry about the distance between, for the heart and soul travels through one's words

              When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far, and no one can ever tear them apart.

              1 universe, 9 planets, 7 continents, 194 countries, 50 states and 10 provinces...and I had the privilege to meet you.

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                #8
                After I ended things with my ex, I had that same problem. It seemed like I had nothing, and not because he had been my everything, but because had crushed everything that I loved or enjoyed in our time together. I started to try new things, and rediscovered old loves--writing, painting, and so forth. And then met my now-husband. I think you need to grant yourself this rediscovery period, and try new things and revisit the things you used to enjoy They will help fulfill you and the space between your visits with your love.

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                  #9
                  So many of us struggle with this...please know that you aren't alone. That's the great thing about this forum...so many vast experiences...yet we all can relate.
                  NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013

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