Feeling Paranoid? We're just girls being girls

[Mfashnik]

Glad I'm not the only worrier.

[LostInLove]

Sorry this is a long post, I'm a bit opinionated on the matter.

I agree that saying being paranoid is just "girls being girls" is a very incorrect statement. Girls are not necessarily any more "paranoid" than boys are. In some sense the information we're given from the media, tv shows, etc leans towards guys being the ones to cheat and that could lead to a trend of girls worrying more than boys do about relationship issues in general. However, like most people have mentioned relationships are all about trust and being a girl is not an excuse to be paranoid all the time.

That said, I think there's lots of people (boys AND girls) that have perfectly legitimate excuses for being a bit worrisome. People who have been through rough relationships, or have been cheated on before, or anything similar are likely to have a few trust issues. I, for example, had to deal with a lot of rejection growing up and have a lot of self esteem issues from it, so for me I worry a lot that The Boy will get tired of me. Like today, he called me at work and I kind of hung up on him because the boss was staring at me, even though he and I were talking about work stuff (we work for the same company). I was worried all day that he'd be upset because I didn't give him much explanation at the time, but we talked later and it turned out he thought it was cute.

Being worrisome or paranoid isn't something you should just accept though, it's a problem you should work towards solving. When I start to worry about something I try and talk to him about it as soon as possible. If that's not an option, I take some time to think through the situation and see if there's anything I really need to worry about, or if I'm just freaking myself out over something trivial. It's a learning process, and I'm definitely not perfect, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life panicking every time I think I've stepped on someone's toes. Nor, in my opinion, should anyone spend their life worrying about their SO to the point of paranoia. It isn't a good way to live, and it isn't healthy for a relationship.

[Swederica]

Worrying is definately not a girl thing. Sure there are different types of worrying for different situation, but I know for a fact that I'm far more paranoid then Katelyn is.
She got a different type of worrying, mainly about looks and weight. I've been combating those for so long. She truly is amazingly beautiful but it's like my words just fall off from her.

On to the paranoid thing. I stressed myself out to the point where Katelyn wanted to become just friends instead. Not sad to mean or anything, she just wanted me to be happy and since she thought she couldn't make me happy she wanted someone else to make me happy. I stressed myself out for every single thing.
I'm still paranoid when she wants to go to parties. Yes just regular parties.
When we were in the LDR I didn't worry a tenth of what I do now when I've closed the distance. I trusted her. Then she went to a dance and when I arrived here she revealed that she had danced with another guy, which happened 10 days before I got here. That haunted me for months. She tried to calm me down with saying it was only for a few secs, it didn't mean anything and that it was the biggest mistake of her life. But the damage was already done. Now whenever there's guys involved I get paranoid and have a hard time dealing with that. She's not a party girl and sweeter and more caring girl is impossible to find, still I, the boyfriend, is paranoid.

I believe it's a tad bit easier to trust when you're further away. Trust is also a very hard thing to give. It's basically like giving the other person a dagger and aim it at your heart and hoping that that person won't just stab you. You leave yourself vulnerable and even the smallest of things can sting so extremely hard.

[theitchinc]

okay every here let me clarify alright.
this isn't a thread created for a commotion that girls are weak and all.
I'm really sorry if it have offended girls in any way.
Maybe its just me who thinks i'm paranoid and i'm stereotypical about it alright.
My bad My apologies.

[Karringtyn]

Moon summed it up best.

I worry. I have panic disorder. I have issues from my past that truly did mess me up.

But I am a mature woman, in a loving, nurturing relationship now. It has taken lots and lots of hard work.

It's ok to worry. It's ok to get scared. BUT NOT if it consumes you.

Just my two cents.

[Silviar]

I'm going to add my voice here to Moon's - I've had things that've made me worried and paranoid. They were the results of either an issue I needed to resolve with myself or because of a relationship's dysfunction - and then I had good reason to be worried. So I left that relationship, and it was one of the best things I've ever done.

Some people do have disorders which cause paranoia, but excluding that, if there's no logical reason to be paranoid, then you shouldn't be. There's no reason a normal, well-adjust adult shouldn't feel secure in their relationship and have enough trust in order to not need to hold on mentally. If there's a reason that you feel you have to feel this way in a relationship, then you need to reexamine the relationship and figure out where the real issue is.