LDR looks

[lunamea]

So, I almost went off-topic in the Tattoos and Piercings thread and that reminded me of a kind of touchy subject for my husband and me: your looks when in an LDR or generally in a relationship.

Even though I know that you love your partner no matter what they look like, I also think you should not only do what you like with your body, but also take your partner's tastes into consideration.

A big point of debate for my hb and me has been hair and possible piercings/tattoos. As my hb has a receding hair line he's really uncomfortable with, he's started shaving his head a year or so ago and I hate it. I basically begged him (and still do it) not to shave it off completely but to at least leave it very very short, but he won't. So, I've threatened him with a lip ring (something I've been considering for a long time and something he would hate) and with cutting my long hair (which he loves.) I haven't done it and probably won't, at least not only out of revenge, but it just makes me angry to think that he doesn't care about my opinion.

Now that we're LD, he apparently tries out all kinds of strange things (shaving his chest, for example ) and, even though I know I have no right to be upset about that, as it is, at the moment, no concern of mine, I still find it weird.

What's your thoughts on this?

[Andy]

It'll be interesting to see Tanja's reply to this... lol

She's got long hair and I LOVE it, I really do lol. She says I've got a hair fetish which is putting it a bit strong to be fair :|

But every girl I've had a crush on has always had nice hair lol! I just guess a girl's hair has always been kinda important to me, they have to have nice hair, it's one of the first things you notice. I especially like curly hair and a friend of Tanja's treated her to have curls put in and omg she looked out of this world I swear

Anyway, she says she'd like to cut it short one day, which I really wouldn't want, cause she says it's a pain having long hair and I can understand why but I really do love it, she does take my feelings into account with this though. I think it's kinda in the balance for now

I'd hate it if she didn't, cause it's something I really like about the way she looks, and she knows that. I know some people will say "you should love your partner regardless of what they look like" but I'm with you on this, luna, it is important to take your partner's feelings into account for this sort of thing.

Though I've said when I marry her I want her to have long, blonde hair, that's my only condition - so she's either in for a long wait before we get married or she'll at least wait a few years before having it cut

And hopefully she'll have gone off the idea by then

I love you gorgeous


Edit: Do I come out of that sounding a bit weird...? :/

Oh well

[folclor]

lol, I believe the other person's opinion is important, but thankfully my boyfriend and I have very similar tastes, so I don't worry much about it and neither does he. ^^ I think the only thing he'd have a real problem with is if I got a bunch of piercings and started putting gages in my ears. Since I'm terrified of needles and don't really care for accessories, though, I don't intend to do either.

[Gurl]

Interesting topic. While I do take my partner's likes into consideration, they don't rule my choices in anything in life. And I hope my partner would be the same way. I love the person for the person, not what they look like. A lot of times, I fall for the personality then they become handsome/sexy to me.

My last relationship of any length was with a man who had super long beard and pretty long hair. Until he shaved both completely off without any real warning, even though he'd idly talked about it for a month or so. OMG total shock when I got home from work...took a while to get used to, but it was like I told him. He has to do what makes him comfortable, and him being happy with who he is and how he looks is what is important to me. I can get used to a major change...but unfortunately he was hurt at first because I wasn't real enthusiastic about the new look. He was still the same man I loved....at least until just before we broke up.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I think it definitely matters. I mean, my SO likes my long hair too and though I LOVE it probably more than he does, I would probably not really seriously consider having it cut. I may not see him everyday but I see him a lot on webcam. For some reason, he adores my braces (go figure, I don't ) but I'm getting those off very soon, and we've discussed that he thinks braces are wonderful and I won't have them anymore. But it's about time! There is no way I would ever like try to get them on longer because of him. So, I think in things that aren't really permanent, SOs should definitely be taken into account. But for something serious that you won't be happy with if you don't/do do it. >.> No, you have to live with yourself every day. XD

On a slightly different note.... Ladies, do you still shave your legs and such? Even if it doesn't really matter, especially if you live in an area that's cold during winter so you can't wear shorts or anything this time of year. XD I still shave some, both because I feel nasty if I don't and because it would kind of be a courtesy to him, I guess. I dunno. >.>

[Gurl]

Nope.. I don't shave often unless its summer time or I am living with my SO. I don't have a lot of hair under the arms or on my legs...or anywhere else for that matter LOL I got lucky that the majority of my hair is on me head

[A Silence in Winter]

I think that your SOs opinion matters a lot, but as Veiled_Dreamer said, you have to live with yourself every day. I think that you should be comfortable with your appearance. I try to listen to my SO when it comes to color scheme (because he actually has a really good one) but he tends to pick clothes that I do not enjoy. A great example of this is that he likes hip jeans. Well, I think they're cute on the right of girl. I have a bit of a poodge in my belly, and this is exaggerated when I wear hip jeans because it gets pinched and it looks DISGUSTING! XP So I generally wear higher jeans that don't accentuate this. After 14 months of dating, he still doesn't understand... But we still love each other.

I HAVE been growing my hair out since we met because he says he loves long hair on a girl. I like long hair too, it's just hard for me to grow because my hair is very fine. :P

In response to Lunamea, your husband may shave his head because he feels so self-conscious about it. Maybe not to you, but perhaps to other people.

I have been experimenting with more hair accessories since he left. It's been... an adventure. XD

And YES! I actually do shave my legs regularly because I too feel gross when I don't do it. Dx I also have a job in which I wear a dress, so, yeah, I kinda need to do it. =]

[Bluestars]

I understand where you are coming from Lunamea. Jared and I have had this discussion many times. Last year, I was talking about doing something to my looks that Jared didn't like--I can't remember what it was. Jared then told me that was getting his hair cut reallllly short. He sent me a picture of his hair, and it looked like he completely cut it all off--he looked bald! I was horrified, but it turned out that he just pulled his bangs up so that it looked like he was bald >.< He thought it was funny that I believed him!

Jared proved his point. Yes, I would still love him, but it made me understand that those kind of things are still important. I would prefer Jared grow his hair out to his shoulders, but he can't because he is looking for a job. Right now, it is sort of long, but I will still understand when he cuts it a tiny short On the other hand, Jared loves my hair short (and short hair in general). He got really excited when I got my hair cut short last week, and that made me happy, since I will probably never grow my hair really long in the first place.

I also mentioned a few days ago that I want to get my Monroe pierced, but Jared doesn't want me to. He would prefer me getting my nose or eyebrow pierced. Although that makes me kinda sad, I am not getting it done because I would want him to do the same for me.

But mentioning body hair, a lot of guys will not date girls unless they shave....down there. That is a sort of tricky subject. A lot of girls do it out of pressure even if they do not want to because they do not want to be dumped. However, I think if a guy asks a girl to do that, then he should be willing to shave/ wax down there as well, since fair is fair :P

[Gurl]

But mentioning body hair, a lot of guys will not date girls unless they shave....down there. That is a sort of tricky subject. A lot of girls do it out of pressure even if they do not want to because they do not want to be dumped. However, I think if a guy asks a girl to do that, then he should be willing to shave/ wax down there as well, since fair is fair :P

Totally agree. I will never, ever shave that area again. It itches too much coming back,and you have to let it grow enough for the razor to actually cut....and i start itching like 3 days after, before its grown enough to see or feel.. UGH

[Italia10]

I have had friends actually ask me if I still shave my legs because my SO is away! It's so funny. I actually don't right now cuz its winter and all I wear to work are long pants. When it starts gettig warmer I will again cuz I love wearing shorts and capri's. Til then I am FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

[Rach321]

This is an interesting thread! Of course, my initial reaction is that you should do whatever with your body that you want, regardless of your partner. But at the same time, I do want to be as attractive as I can to him.

I've always had long hair, but years ago I decided to cut it to my chin in a cute bob. When I told my bf, he didn't say anything at the time. But later, once he saw it in person and realized how cute it was, he said that when I first told him, his heart dropped and he was really upset about it. Since we got back together, I've kept it long. He's not the only reason I do, but it definitely is a consideration.

Same goes for the scent I wear. I prefer more exotic spicy fragrances, but he likes very feminine, fruity, floral fragrances so that's what I wear most often. Also, in terms of clothing, the things he likes is often different from my natural style, but I'll try to incorporate some of the things he likes into my wardrobe.

As for shaving, well... I don't really shave when I'm not going to see him and I'm not wearing dresses or skirts without tights. And I would never date someone who was not attracted to me because I had not shaved a particular part of my body. I want to be with someone who likes me regardless of much time I put into my beauty routine. To do all of it really takes a lot of effort and money! I sometimes put a lot of effort into my appearance (makeup, shaving, nail polish, etc.) that by SO really doesn't care about that much. I do it when I want to because I enjoy pampering myself, but when I'm tired or busy with other things, I really don't care about it.

[folclor]

lol, leg/underarm/body hair in general bothers me. I just don't like it for some reason. So I shave because I want to. ^^ Alex could care less either way, I think, since he usually doesn't see the lower half of my body. o.O but I just don't like it when my legs or underarms are hairy. >.<

[Gurl]

I forgot to put this in either of my previous responses... but i LOVE that we can talk about stuff like this here!!!!

[lunamea]

Wow, so many great responses! Thanks, guys!

In response to Lunamea, your husband may shave his head because he feels so self-conscious about it. Maybe not to you, but perhaps to other people.

Yeah, I know that he feels self-conscious about it and hates it, especially since he's still quite young (27) – it's hereditary, though, so there's nothing to be done. He's even considered getting hair transplanted and stuff, but that's way too expensive and the results are usually dissatisfying. I know a lot of bald men (my father included) and none of them shaves their head. My point is that he doesn't look better bald, even though it could be worse, I guess, because his head is not too big or square . Still, he looks harder, more threatening, which does not suit his personality at all! Apart from that, my immediate association with a shaved head is either "Nazi" or "cancer"… However, the look of it doesn't bother me as much as the *feel* grosses me out!! I basically don't touch his head anymore, because I hate the oily feel of it. Ugh.
The mean thing is that when I met him, he had normal hair, then let it grow longer, which fit him nicely. Even back then, though, he had this crazy idea of dying it blonde (his natural color is brown), which looked awful. LOL Anyway, he just looks very different from the person I originally fell in love with now. Doesn't mean I love him any less, but it does bother me that he's not willing to compromise.

Well, telling from the other posts, you're not the only one who likes long hair in women, Andy!

I like my long hair, too and am too much a chickenshit to experiment with it, even though I'd like a different hairdo. When I was a kid/teenager, I had a bob, but that is just so tiresome, because it never falls the way you want. My husband would like me to dye my hair blonde, but that is definitely something I'll never do, but only because I know for a fact that it would look extremely stupid (my natural hair color is dark brown and I'd have to bleach it, which would ruin my long hair etc. etc. – and blonde does not fit my teint at all). On other things, such as shaving, I'm more compromising – even while LD, I still shave my armpits and legs, but less frequently (once a week), because I feel more comfortable that way myself.

But mentioning body hair, a lot of guys will not date girls unless they shave....down there. That is a sort of tricky subject. A lot of girls do it out of pressure even if they do not want to because they do not want to be dumped. However, I think if a guy asks a girl to do that, then he should be willing to shave/ wax down there as well, since fair is fair :P

Yeah, that really is a tricky subject. Is there any man on earth who's not into that? I never did it before, but now compromise for my husband every now and then and he takes my wishes in that respect into consideration as well, so we're even. Sure, it's a lot of work and sometimes uncomfortable, especially if there's an "accident" (let's not get into that… ) but if I'd really hate it, I wouldn't do it. Also, it's not like a requirement, it's just a "it would be nice" kind of thing. It's on the topics that I don't care so much either way that I'm easily swayed/willing to compromise, but there are other things I'd never do.

My last relationship of any length was with a man who had super long beard and pretty long hair. Until he shaved both completely off without any real warning, even though he'd idly talked about it for a month or so. OMG total shock when I got home from work...

Whoa, I can imagine the shock! My mom did this to my dad once – she had her cut really short (she hadn't intended it to be that short) and he almost didn't recognize her when she came home! His response was "OMG, you look like a boy!" LOL

Come to think of it, my wardrobe was never a big topic for my hb and me (I guess he's indifferent?). It's usually his wardrobe that I sometimes frown at. LOL It doesn't bother me that much, though, as he often takes my advice and wants me to come shopping with him. But he has a thing for stripes, and I hate striped and checkered clothes! He once bought a red-and-white small-checkered shirt that, from a distance, looked pink… I also have issues with pink in men.
Another absolute no-no are long and/or dirty fingernails in men! Ew!

I haven't even thought about perfume! My hb told me that he got a new perfume recently and said that it's "more intense" than the old one we'd bought together… uh-oh. :S Scent is really difficult to agree on… it's something I wouldn't be able to compromise on easily, as my sense of smell is very pronounced, so it has to be a scent that we both like.

[ettie]

OH! I love tattos and have one but want more!! Matias hates them! I love to try different color hair, he hates it! I love piercings, he hates them! I hate boring dull colors and old peoples clothes, he dresses like that! hahahaha you could see him next to me in the bus and would never think we are a couple! But, about this subject you were reffering to, I have started to dye my hair with more conservative colors, and he has started to wear jeans now and then.