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I think the problems stem a bit from both of you: her not adjusting enough of her life now that you are living in the same place AND you not having enough of your own life there. I know it's hard to meet new people. But using a site like https://www.meetup.com/ is a great way to meet people with the same interests as you.
I know how it is, I had a really hard time making my own friends/my own hobbies when I lived in my SOs country. But I had to force myself to find a few acquaintances and a class I could join. I didn't want to drive him crazy by needing him around all the time.
But she should definitely include you in her life anymore; invite you to some things with her friends but not ALL the time. She needs some things away from you as well.
Hopefully you guys can talk and come to a compromise where you both can make small changes to improve the situation.
I think you're right. By no means do I blame everything on her.
But as mentioned before I'm starting over on square one again on the people I know over here. I'm probably going to meet new people and get comfortable in this semester aswell and disappear from this forum once more
I can see why it's so hard for you. It sounds like maybe she's afraid to tell you that you're smothering her? Bc why else would she act like this? But then if she doesn't tell you the truth, it's hard for you to do anything about it.
It's great that you two communicate so well. Talking is definitely important, and I hope you work it out. A relationship is about compromises from both people.
Yeah, being an international student, there's a tendency to only make friends with other international students, because you have so much in common already, just from being international students (I did this too actually, when I was studying abroad ) but for you it's definitely important to interact more with the American students as well, even though it's tempting to stick with the international students, because it's easier.
I think you're right. By no means do I blame everything on her.
But as mentioned before I'm starting over on square one again on the people I know over here. I'm probably going to meet new people and get comfortable in this semester aswell and disappear from this forum once more
Thanks
I totally understand that. I have struggled with making new friends in multiple foreign countries. It's tough. But I think once you do and once your girlfriend tries to be a little more accommodating, things will be easier. Good luck!
Just read your last post, and okay.. I'd be worried about the Facebook thing. Did you ask her about that? That just seems weird! Is she ashamed of you or something? Or is she maybe ashamed to have a boyfriend, because none of her friends do? What's you theory on this?
So I hate to go this route, because it's quite obvious you two care about each other, but before you moved there did you talk about what would happen if things weren't as picture perfect as everyone imagined? My SO is planning on moving in with me (to a different country, different language, leaving all behind, etc. Very similar to your situation.) and we've talked extensively about what he'd do if things didn't work out. If he doesn't like living here, if he gets bored, if he can't find things to do, if we don't work out as a couple... It's always a very real road that we all could go down.
I think more than being unhappy as a couple, you are unhappy being in the USA. This negativity is having an impact on your relationship. I think you really need to find a way to be happy with your surroundings. It's hard to make new friends when you're shy, but unless you're happy with your life, you'll never be happy in your relationship.
If it makes you feel any better, I can almost assure you that all USA-ers LOVE people from different countries. It makes them feel cultured to have a "foreign" friend Go out and find your happiness!
Lol, Lucybelle is right! Americans are awesome like that, as you might already know So welcoming and open-minded, so if you go the 'making American friends' route, it shouldn't be too hard
I can see why it's so hard for you. It sounds like maybe she's afraid to tell you that you're smothering her? Bc why else would she act like this? But then if she doesn't tell you the truth, it's hard for you to do anything about it.
It's great that you two communicate so well. Talking is definitely important, and I hope you work it out. A relationship is about compromises from both people.
Yeah, being an international student, there's a tendency to only make friends with other international students, because you have so much in common already, just from being international students (I did this too actually, when I was studying abroad ) but for you it's definitely important to interact more with the American students as well, even though it's tempting to stick with the international students, because it's easier.
Yeah it is easier to stick with the internationals. I did talk to one american guy but he was very unreliable in a way and most americans are so into their careers and going to the best possible college and stuff like that. Some of them are jumping around like bunnies between different colleges and stuff. Oh well I will have to do my best as usual
I totally understand that. I have struggled with making new friends in multiple foreign countries. It's tough. But I think once you do and once your girlfriend tries to be a little more accommodating, things will be easier. Good luck!
Just read your last post, and okay.. I'd be worried about the Facebook thing. Did you ask her about that? That just seems weird! Is she ashamed of you or something? Or is she maybe ashamed to have a boyfriend, because none of her friends do? What's you theory on this?
I've been thinking alot about that. I think most of it is because none of her friends, or very few of them, have boyfriends and have had very limited experience with boyfriends (They are apparently a so called more conservative group of friends). I've asked her several times why and she always responds that she doesn't mean to do that but that it happens.
So I hate to go this route, because it's quite obvious you two care about each other, but before you moved there did you talk about what would happen if things weren't as picture perfect as everyone imagined? My SO is planning on moving in with me (to a different country, different language, leaving all behind, etc. Very similar to your situation.) and we've talked extensively about what he'd do if things didn't work out. If he doesn't like living here, if he gets bored, if he can't find things to do, if we don't work out as a couple... It's always a very real road that we all could go down.
I think more than being unhappy as a couple, you are unhappy being in the USA. This negativity is having an impact on your relationship. I think you really need to find a way to be happy with your surroundings. It's hard to make new friends when you're shy, but unless you're happy with your life, you'll never be happy in your relationship.
If it makes you feel any better, I can almost assure you that all USA-ers LOVE people from different countries. It makes them feel cultured to have a "foreign" friend Go out and find your happiness!
We were talking about that but she assured me that she would do anything for me so that it would work out. Of course if it wouldn't work out I would just have to move back to Sweden and adapt to that situation that followed.
Yes I am a bit negative towards the USA in a few things. Mostly the way it treats its own citizen coming from a country with universal health care and what not. I will try to change that as well as so much other things I'm working my best on to change. But yeah sometimes it feels like I'm the only one working my ass off to adapt to the new situation. Meaning that sometimes I feel like I not only had to work through the process of getting her and along with all that meant, but also that I'm the only one that work here too. I hate thinking selfishly, I very rarely do, but yeah. I think I deserve some time off haha.
Yeah I've heard that Hopefully it's true and I will work on finding those.
It sounds like you and Katelyn really need to sort some things out. After you've done so much for her and moved to be with her and yet she treats you like this. My little bro has been in a slightly similar situation with his (now ex) gf because she didn't want to let anyone know they were going out or hug or kiss or put anything on facebook neither. He ended it with her because he'd had enough of feeling like an embarassment to her. See if you can get her to let you join her and her friends when they go out sometimes. And try to initiate stuff like hugging her yourself and see how she reacts. Don't let yourself be pushed into the background.
If you can find stuff to help distract you when she's busy and make some more friends i'm sure that would help immensely. I hope things improve for you.
Yeah it was definitely a long time since I was here.
I get that feeling sometimes. A few times I've tried to do that but she's kind of pushed me away or you know not been comfortable at all in the situation and the thought of being kissed or hugged in public.
I was as said invited to one time when she and one of her friends were going ice-skating and she told me that her friend had complained alot. In the likes of "You see him so much, why do he have to come to everything?". I don't know though what everything is supposed to mean. It's a bit like they see me as a threat. That I will take her away from them. But I don't see why turning it into a fight for her attention is going to help. I'm more willing to join them in what they are doing and therefor share their time then having to battle away against them. But gah sometimes parts of this turns just harder and weirder then it has to be.
Ok so yesterday I surprised Katelyn by showing up. I arrived with sort of an emptyness, that this meeting could end in every possible way.
We started talking a bit back and forth and seemingly didn't get very far.
Then I found a note I'd saved in my pants for over 9 months that I wrote when I was in Sweden. I gave it to her and said that if you want you can have it.
She read it and immediately started crying. She said she was sorry for being so selfish and that she knows she's been selfish but haven't done anything about it. Then she opened up, like we usually do with eachother, and told me about how she just felt that everyone hated her and that she tried her best to make everyone happy but that noone is happy with her and that she does everything wrong. I felt sorry for knowing I contributed to that.
Long story short we both promised do to our best to make life as easy as possible for us. She also said today that she started tearing up when she read the note in school. She also realized that she's taken me for granted and that she was sorry for that. She remembered how hard it was when I wasn't here and that it's nothing to take for granted.
I have no idea what would happen if I hadn't given her the note. But overall we returned to being happy and understanding. I think most of our problems are over now atleast.
) but for you it's definitely important to interact more with the American students as well, even though it's tempting to stick with the international students, because it's easier.
Long time no speak =)
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