Just a general question, is it normal to have an element of doubt, that your relationship might not work in the long run? I presume so in a LDR, I guess this changes if you end up moving in together :/ Don't know...
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Hello.
In my opinion, I think it is normal in any relationship. Maybe it's pessimistic, but since I have had a few relationships now and also have witnessed break-ups of long-term marriages, I think it would be naive of me (just speaking for myself here) to not consider that things might not work out. That doesn't stop me from hoping that they will or fighting to make things work, though!
I think, sometimes, that people are deathly afraid to ever mention doubt in a relationship. However, I do believe that talking about worries for the future and what-ifs, can lead to interesting and often relationship-deepening conversations with our loved ones. Of course, conversations about doubt for the future shouldn't be constant worries or discussion-generators, but I think that a little bit of that can often speak to "I think you're awesome and I hope things do work out for us in the future!"
Also, while I dream of having a wonderfully close proximity with my SO (on a permanent basis), I recognise that living closer/ living together/ committing more will not necessarily be a happily ever after, but will be its own beginning with its own trials and tribulations. -
Yes, I think it would be naive to think everything will end how you want it to.
I think I am the type not to want to talk about it, sugar coatthe idea, whilst he is completely blunt about it.
I don't think its pessemistic, methinks its being a realist to consider what could and couldn't happen...though too much realism about it and its makes the relationship dull and kinda pointless.Comment
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I think its sometimes natural, although I try not to think about negative things because the distance can multiply them into doubts and anxieties.
Focus on what you have and enjoy it.Comment
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In my previous relationships, I've had worries about us not working out. In this one, at the beginning I had my doubts but now - if you're talking about that little nagging voice that says "what if?" it doesn't hit me, personally. I decided that until my SO gives me a reason to have a doubt, that I was going to trust in him and our relationship.
Now, it doesn't mean I'm blind to the fact that theoretically, everything could go pear-shaped. I mean, it happens. Which is why I have an emergency fund and the knowledge that I can take care of myself should we break up - I don't have to be dependent on anyone to take care of myself, I've done just fine alone.
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I have definitely doubted my relationship, more than once, and for more than a short while. I wasn't sure that I felt the same way about him that he felt about me. He was so in love, and I felt like it moved so quickly to "love" and was doubtful of my feelings. I went through a lot of "not sure" thoughts. But, since his last visit and now that we talk every day I've left all those doubtful feelings behind. I'm ready to try the best I can in this relationship. I know we could end up breaking up, but that's not what I'm focusing on anymore.Comment
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As with any relationship; there is always a chance of it not working out. Look at your relationships with people in general. Do you sit around and worry that your best friend and you will no longer be friends and it just won't work out? Focus on what is good...focus on today. We can't look ahead and worry...
I was with a man for 17 years and worried and doubted the entire relationship. That worry and doubt eventually drove a huge wedge between the two of us.
I am really working hard with this relationship to just BE.
One day at a time.NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013Comment
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Very true. Of course everyone is going to have doubts about their relationships. We are only human. If we let the doubts rule the relationship then it will accomplish nothing but driving you two apart. A relationship is built on trust. Its is probably THE foundation of a relationship aside from sex. Even intimacy is built on trust. If there is no trust, or the trust is broken you stand a chance of letting those doubts take over your reality and will ultimately eat the relationship alive. Just remember that when you start to doubt - think about the ways that your SO makes you feel, what he/she says to make you trust them to reassure your love in them and them in you. Doubts are normal, it just means that you are alive.Originally posted by Karringtyn View PostComment
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That doubt is there in all types of relationships, not just LDRs. As long as you want the relationship to work, it will. You just have to work at it and communicate with your SO. Don't let the doubt ruin your relationship when it's quite possible there really isn't anything wrong.Comment
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I've been in several LDR. Its just my job that made me can't have the normal relationship. The LDR fails at past teach me few things about it. Bu not making me afraid to do it again.
The doubt will always be there, whether you had the normal or LDR. Will it last? well we will never know unless we try hard every single day to maintain it, right?
Its just the same battle like in normal relationship. There are the pro and the cons of both relationship. But for me i feel more comfortable with the long distance... somehow... I will feel doubt but not all the time.. when i feel i am worry about something i will try to talk about it with my SO. Because the most important thing in LDR is communication... he wont know what we think if we never say it or communicate it with him. Sometimes you will surprise how he could made thing feels better.. hehehComment
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