I need some advice from a few long distance veterans...

[snarfasaurus]

First and foremost, my girlfriend and I have been doing the long distance dance for almost 2 years now. We've had our ups and downs, but things have always leveled out before.

Yesterday, Monday 17th, she told me that things weren't as passionate or exciting as they used to be. She then followed that statement with "I think it would we better if we took a small break, that will give me time to clear my head and decide whether or not things are working right now. I've just been feeling suffocated and frankly, bored with how things are."

I called her today, just to clear up the logistics of 'break', and she said that we would still be loyal to each other, its just that she wanted some time to herself without us speaking.
She's honest and I trust her, so when she says that she will be loyal during our 'break' I believe her.

Alas, I am still incredibly worried about what the outcome of things will be, and I am still very, very in love with her and I don't want to lose her. Has anyone dealt with this kind of thing before? Even if you haven't, any advice on what to do would be appreciated greatly.

Thanks in advance, wish me luck

[LadyMarchHare]

I think, first and foremost, what happened was you guys fell out of that "Honeymoon" period where everything's shiny and new and exciting, now you're comfortable, things are the same and yeah they can get boring. Breaks aren't always a bad thing and I think it's good she wants to stay loyal and not do the casual dating scene for a week or so like some do. I'd let her have the time and if you're worried or miss her or anything, write it down in a letter but don't send it. She said she's feeling suffocated so try and hold off on calling her, checking up on her, etc. Personally the fact alone she said she'd remain loyal during the break really says something. I don't think she wants to lose you either, she just needs to evaluate where she is and come back either with ideas on how to spice up your relationship or with a list of things she may feel need changing. I'd suggest you take the time as well to do the same that way if she does come back with doubt, you have ideas on how to at least try and keep her.

[snarfasaurus]

Well all I can do i hope for the best
I'm concerned that her mind won't change over our break though, how can I still try to win her back without really impeding on the break

[LadyMarchHare]

Basically if she wants the space, give it to her. I don't think there's much you can do DURING the break except respect her wishes and conditions of the break. If you're that worried she'll leave once the break is up, try to save up some romantic ideas for when it ends and surprise her. At the very least there you'd be trying.

[snarfasaurus]

Okay
Well thank you, you helped a lot. I guess I'll just see what happens

[snarfasaurus]

And if anyone has something helpful they would like to add, please feel free to throw in your 2cents, anything will help

[Èternity]

How far apart are you? Any chance of a visit or even discussing something to get some time together?

[snarfasaurus]

I live in Texas and she is in North Carolina. I have plans to see her Feb. 18-21, and then again in April. And by plans I mean that tickets for both flights are already purchased.

Icing on the cake? They're nonrefundable :P

[Silviar]

I hate the statement break. It's the equivalent of keeping yourself in limbo and hoping you'll get back together while not being together or apart.

I would suggest to her that you instead tell her that you'd like to talk about what you both can do together working as a couple to make things more exciting. Activities, plan a trip, etc. Maybe what she really means is she just wants to stop always hanging by the computer, for example. So spend some time writing love letters to one another and really getting out.

My point there is that we all get bored, that's life - I think now is your chance to ask her if there's a way you guys can modify your relationship pattern to make her happier.

[snarfasaurus]

That's one of the problems though, I can't find anything I'm doing wrong, I call her when she wants, I text her when she wants, emails, I write letters to her every couple weeks or so, we webcam, play games together, plan trips and movie dates....
One of the most troubling things for me about this is that I don't understand where she's coming from. One night we're having fun webcamming, the next night we play some games together, the next night she wants a break

[LadyMarchHare]

There may be something going on in her life right now that made her question the relationship, it's a common occurrence. Do you guys talk about your daily lives a lot or has she mentioned anything stressful before this happened?

[snarfasaurus]

Whenever we talk we usually talk about our day, we like to stay updated with each other, as any LDR couple does :P
But no, the only things she has ever mentioned that were really stressful were the things she said in her message to me asking for a break: boredom, lack of passion, feeling suffocated.
And now I'm alienated for 2-3 weeks with the relationship guillotine over my head

Just from my current perspective of things right now, the only thing I could think of that could make her change her mind so quickly about our relationship is if there was a another guy in the picture, and she wants to see if I'm worth the wait or if she wants to just give up and date people in the same state :P

That's just an opinion from a poor guy that's run out of anti-psych's and sleep deprived, and this is my first relationship ever, so everything I'm doing is just a shot in the dark for me

[mllebamako]

Sounds like you've done everything you can for right now...I guess you just have to give her some space and wait it out. (although, I'm with Silviar...I hate the idea of a break and, IMO, it's way better to just talk things out!).
How long did she say this break is? Personally, I wouldn't wait more than a week to hash it all out. But that's just me...

[LadyMarchHare]

2-3 weeks? That's pretty steep for a break. I agree with mllebamako that if a break should occur a week is basically enough. A fortnight or more is overkill to me even if she was feeling smothered.

[snarfasaurus]

She told me she wanted 2-3 weeks to sort things out, but every so often I'll get a message from her, it all just adds to the confusion