we broke up

[Miramaid]

i feel guilty that i did not tell him truth at all times...
I know he is wrong about the way he reacted but somehow I feel guilty and I keep thinking about how we could have a family and all if only I said the truth :'(

[Sarah9908]

Don't blame yourself. It is HIS fault, NOT yours. We all have things that have happened in our pasts, and sometimes we don't feel comfortable enough to share it. It is HIS fault for not trusting you, causing him to search for your screen name and try to find "dirty little secrets" to blame you over. He is controlling, and just wants to be your "master" and control your every move. Don't blame yourself -- it's his fault. *Hugs to you* hang in there we all are here for you, tissa

[BabyGund]

Uhm..no. That guy is the crazy one. I understand why you wouldn't tell anyone that, especially if you have fear or shame - I have BTDT. It is not like you two were engaged to be married. Terminating and/or losing a pregnancy is not something you tell someone casually. My parents still have no idea and I'm almost 40 years old; hell, they JUST found out I got a tattoo back in college!

Tissa - do not feel guilty. It sounds as if he was looking for a reason to end the relationship and found it. This frees you up to find the one who will love you and accept you, no matter what the past. When you meet the one that's right for you you'll realize in an instant why it didn't work out with anyone else.

[Caitlin2009]

He just sent me an email :'( x 1000000000

Dear horrible person,

You are no longer welcome in my house. You have destroyed it. You were just like all the other residents in my house. Once again, I opened up my very special, tender place in the hopes that you were the last one to move in. I was completely wrong. You are nothing but a liar, plain and simple. Every chance you had you lied. You think it's ok because you call your lies "mistakes", and people are suppose to forgive mistakes. You were given far more opportunities than anyone else before you. I never asked for much, just for you to be truthly with me. I was always clear about that, on many, many occassions. You were the main reason I was going back to school, so I could provide a safe and financially secure place for our family. You were suppose to be the last one, that's why I stuck around during all your b.s. I should have gotten out of this relationship a lot earlier than I did. Then maybe I wouldn't be in such incredible pain. You know, I really feel sorry for you because you believe you've done nothing wrong. Because of that, you will never have anyone as kind, sincere, open, honest, patient, caring, compassionate, or as loving as I am. You will live a long life full of lonliness and regret.

Craig

*feels my blood boiling* THAT IS THE BIGGEST LOAD OF SHIT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT LISTEN TO BECAUSE HE IS NOT WHAT HE SAYS HE IS!!! you can find someone waaaaay better then him, someone who wont control you, or try to make you feel bad for nothing!!!! it pisses me off reading that because my ex, Denise's ex were forever like that always saying "where you gonna find a better guy out there that treats woman really good like i do!" im sorry but you can do better!!!! and you will find better DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT SHIT!!! *breaths heavy*

[Silviar]

i feel guilty that i did not tell him truth at all times...
I know he is wrong about the way he reacted but somehow I feel guilty and I keep thinking about how we could have a family and all if only I said the truth :'(

No, Tissa. He is emotionally manipulating you to get just this exact sort of reaction out of you! What a terrible, terrible person he is to do this. While no one is perfect in a relationship, NOTHING give shim the right to treat you like this. NOTHING. Block him and don't take any emails, phones calls, anything - he's bad, and he could be dangerous, sweetie. To your emotional health if nothing else.

[Rach321]

I just gave this advice to a good friend- If a lover ever tells you, "You'll never find someone who loves you as much as I do" it's not a sweet thing to say, it can actually be quite manipulative and controlling.

When someone truly loves you, they want you to be happy in your life, regardless of what happens between the two of you. It love my SO more than I could possibly imagine and I truly believe we are meant to be together, but I can imagine that many people could love him that much. He's amazing!

You're not a horrible person. I can understand why he would feel upset that you didn't tell him the truth, BUT the way he's responding to this is just cruel. He should have some empathy for why you might have been hesitant to share this information, even if he expects complete honesty. There is a difference in being disappointed or hurt and talking to your SO about it and reacting with cruelty and manipulation. You will find someone who loves you more than this, and that person will not treat you this way.

[nic&matt]

That's just awful...I'm so sorry it ended badly. As sad as you might be, you're now one day closer to your soul mate. We're all here for you *hugs*

[Elissa]

I'm sorry

[MissShortie]

That is so wrong... My SO has lied to me in the past but I never reacted in a way that would make me look like a horrible person, I was really hurt but never said or did anything mean to him; I also never broke up with him and tried to make him look horrible to everyone around him... For your sake I know this is hard now but I think this is a good thing for you...

[Stina83]

I get so pissed off from reading that email!! I wish I could email him right now and tell him a few truths! What a huge jerk!! That is plain out abuse that he's doing there. Move on girl, there's someone better out there for you, even though you can't see it right now. I promise!

[amit2k11]

*feels my blood boiling* THAT IS THE BIGGEST LOAD OF SHIT EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT LISTEN TO BECAUSE HE IS NOT WHAT HE SAYS HE IS!!! you can find someone waaaaay better then him, someone who wont control you, or try to make you feel bad for nothing!!!! it pisses me off reading that because my ex, Denise's ex were forever like that always saying "where you gonna find a better guy out there that treats woman really good like i do!" im sorry but you can do better!!!! and you will find better DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT SHIT!!! *breaths heavy*

well I have a different take on this. I have been in a couple of relations though and things have been great with good intensity. Being from India I know the importance of honesty and truth in a relationship.

After reaching a certain level in a relationship one can open up the past even if it has can of worms and yes that point its a true test of the SO to see how really he/she loves you. I believe at each point of this journey of love their should be such little tests which actually tests the relationship. How maturely we handle these situations defines our capabilities for a really healthy and long term relationship.

I do agree that if the guy really loved you then he wouldn't have hurt you like this by sending such a mail. I myself am broke because of things that have happened with me few days back but even if all the good words that my SO have used on me I have never uttered a single bad thing for her. This definitely shows how much one loves SO.

I see that whatever has happened till now to make quick judgement calls on this isn't good. Take this slowly.Give time for the guy to heal up.He may not have reacted like this if at certain point of time you would have told him some of your secrets even if you are not comfortable with.This increases maturity level to be precise.

I hope you will heal and I will pray for you.

Warm Regards
Amit

[nicole]

well wow Tissa, this is awful, I am sending you all the good vibes I have right now.

When I was 16, my sister was engaged to a man who sounds a lot like your SO, he moved in our house and made it his own, and I had to watch for 6 months as he manipulated her and controlled her, and I watched as she lost all of her self-esteem and pride in herself. It ended when he got mad for her not asking permission to go to a female friend's sleepover and he very nearly killed her. I'm not saying that man would do the same thing of course, but men like this ARE dangerous, and I think you are better off blocking him and getting on with your life. He may not be physically abusive, but mental abuse can be just as bad, if not worse. As much as it hurts now, you will see, this relationship was not healthy, and you will learn to be happy again, and find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be.

[Caitlin2009]

well I have a different take on this. I have been in a couple of relations though and things have been great with good intensity. Being from India I know the importance of honesty and truth in a relationship.

After reaching a certain level in a relationship one can open up the past even if it has can of worms and yes that point its a true test of the SO to see how really he/she loves you. I believe at each point of this journey of love their should be such little tests which actually tests the relationship. How maturely we handle these situations defines our capabilities for a really healthy and long term relationship.

I do agree that if the guy really loved you then he wouldn't have hurt you like this by sending such a mail. I myself am broke because of things that have happened with me few days back but even if all the good words that my SO have used on me I have never uttered a single bad thing for her. This definitely shows how much one loves SO.

I see that whatever has happened till now to make quick judgement calls on this isn't good. Take this slowly.Give time for the guy to heal up.He may not have reacted like this if at certain point of time you would have told him some of your secrets even if you are not comfortable with.This increases maturity level to be precise.

I hope you will heal and I will pray for you.

Warm Regards
Amit

*raises eyebrow* maybe in your culture its ok to be like that but, but that was emotional abuse. he would have reacted that way anyway even if he did know the truth, because thats how he is! reading some of her posts on him he's a classic emotional and probably psychical abuser, she can say one thing and it set him off including being around other guys!

[amit2k11]

*raises eyebrow* maybe in your culture its ok to be like that but, but that was emotional abuse. he would have reacted that way anyway even if he did know the truth, because thats how he is! reading some of her posts on him he's a classic emotional and probably psychical abuser, she can say one thing and it set him off including being around other guys!

THIS WAS MY PERSONAL OPINION AND IN NO WAY I POINTED OUT TO CULTURE OF ANY SORTS. INDIAN CULTURE IF YOU ARE MEANING THEN WE LEAD BY EXAMPLES AND OUR MARRIAGE MODELS ARE FAMOUS AND APPRECIATED WORLDWIDE.

All am saying is, if she truly loves him and he does the same then they should not jump into any conclusion and make things worst by fighting or any stuffs which is straightaway acting MATURELY.

IF destiny has something in store for them then things will become good and they will be back.

[Sarah M]

He sounds like a horrible, if not despicable, person. You will be better without him. I hope you can be strong and brave and get through this. We are all here to support you and believe than things will move towards a more positive end. Please believe that.
Be strong. Be confident.