we broke up

[Sarah M]

well I have a different take on this. I have been in a couple of relations though and things have been great with good intensity. Being from India I know the importance of honesty and truth in a relationship.

After reaching a certain level in a relationship one can open up the past even if it has can of worms and yes that point its a true test of the SO to see how really he/she loves you. I believe at each point of this journey of love their should be such little tests which actually tests the relationship. How maturely we handle these situations defines our capabilities for a really healthy and long term relationship.

I do agree that if the guy really loved you then he wouldn't have hurt you like this by sending such a mail. I myself am broke because of things that have happened with me few days back but even if all the good words that my SO have used on me I have never uttered a single bad thing for her. This definitely shows how much one loves SO.

I see that whatever has happened till now to make quick judgement calls on this isn't good. Take this slowly.Give time for the guy to heal up.He may not have reacted like this if at certain point of time you would have told him some of your secrets even if you are not comfortable with.This increases maturity level to be precise.

I hope you will heal and I will pray for you.

Warm Regards
Amit

With all due respect, Amit, I do not feel that your Indian background provides you with a better understanding of honesty and truth in a relationship than any other culture. I also disagree: It is not necessary, nor obligatory, to discuss past matters if they do not involve or concern your partner. Unless you're entirely comfortable sharing the information, you do not, under any circumstance, need to.
I feel that Tissa's secrets are hers and she kept them for valid reasons. It is no one else's business and I am impressed that she shared them here. Well done, Tissa!
In situations like this, Amit, I feel maybe rather than trying to be the mediator and encouraging individuals to change their ways, or look at things differently, it would be more productive to provide moral support.

[amit2k11]

With all due respect, Amit, I do not feel that your Indian background provides you with a better understanding of honesty and truth in a relationship than any other culture. I also disagree: It is not necessary, nor obligatory, to discuss past matters if they do not involve or concern your partner. Unless you're entirely comfortable sharing the information, you do not, under any circumstance, need to.
I feel that Tissa's secrets are hers and she kept them for valid reasons. It is no one else's business and I am impressed that she shared them here. Well done, Tissa!
In situations like this, Amit, I feel maybe rather than trying to be the mediator and encouraging individuals to change their ways, or look at things differently, it would be more productive to provide moral support.

Bolded - You didn't get my point here.

Anyways point taken and I respect your opinion.
However, I do hold my views under any circumstances. Its good to interact here and understand different views rather than just stereotyping the same point.

[Sarah M]

Bolded - You didn't get my point here.

Anyways point taken and I respect your opinion.
However, I do hold my views under any circumstances. Its good to interact here and understand different views rather than just stereotyping the same point.

I'm confused. You haven't explained how I didn't get your point, considering you said

Being from India I know the importance of honesty and truth in a relationship.

That makes me think you feel that because you're from India you have a better understanding of the importance of these things. I am saying it does not matter what your cultural background is - most people understand/know the importance of honesty and truth in relationships.
What do you mean by

Its good to interact here and understand different views rather than just stereotyping the same point.

? I don't feel that anyone is stereotyping.

[dinorider88]

he sounds like a grade A douchebag, you should walk away. and by walk i mean run, and by run i mean leave landmines behind you

[amit2k11]

I'm confused. You haven't explained how I didn't get your point, considering you said That makes me think you feel that because you're from India you have a better understanding of the importance of these things. I am saying it does not matter what your cultural background is - most people understand/know the importance of honesty and truth in relationships.
What do you mean by ? I don't feel that anyone is stereotyping.

Hey, I respect your opinion. And I loved the way you debated. Point taken.

Regards
Amit

[amit2k11]

he sounds like a grade A douchebag, you should walk away. and by walk i mean run, and by run i mean leave landmines behind you

Too good !!

[Silviar]

I'm with Sarah on this one. Amit, while honesty and trust to divulge things is important, it's also up to a person to decide when they want to discuss very personal, private situations. Openness and honesty in relationships is not a blanket command for divulging every single skeleton in a person's closet.

Tissa had not decided to discuss what had happened in her past yet, and it's her decision WHEN to do so. There are some things that people are not going to just divulge even within a few months of being together, and certainly Tissa's situation was one of deep, personal things she wasn't ready to discuss. And the way he twisted it, blew it out of proportion and turned it into some cruel words he threw back at her solely to hurt her shows what type of person he is when given that sort of information. Being given that sort of information does not give a person the license to treat another person poorly. What he did was not ok, nor adult in any fashion.

[BabyGund]

Verse of The Day:

Today, love yourself enough to walk away from anyone who doesn't love you enough.

[Miramaid]

Guys, he sent me a yahoo message yesterday with a link, saying that he thinks I am a compulsive liar and the link was providing examples and diagnosis of a compulsive liar an how they do not realize that they are sick etc etc. And he said that he very much wanted to help me and he thinks I should get professional help for this :'(
I know i lied! I know I lied not once in our relationship about my PAST. I know I am not a compulsive liar and I do not understand what he wants. HE says that his dreams of us being together have been broken because of my lies and that he just wants things to be good and live happily ever after, that he wants me to get counseling for lying, that he thought if you LOVE somebody you share all your depes't secrets and fears with that person and I did not...Anyways, it hurts because I know I am not a compulsive liar even though i did lie. I also know that even if I do what he asks: go to counseling for lying (i already go to counseling, but did not address that issues there), it will not be good at the end :'( I know that. I told him that couples counseling is what we need but we are in different states and also I do not know if he loves me deep enough and just get over MY PAST.
I talked to my counselor and he was very clear that I need to get out of this while I can. It is hard tho especially coz he sends me messages and stuff and he says he loves me and wants us be happy and that i was the best girlfriend he ever had except I lied and there are two things in a relationship that he would not accept: cheating and lying :'(

[SamiWami]

Tissa listen to your counselor! That's not love, what he's doing; trying to manipulate you back into the relationship. You seems like you are a good person! regardless of your past. Look how bad he's trying to make you feel. that's not ok in any way, shape or form. Love is not supposed to make you feel bad.

[MissShortie]

Tissa listen to your counselor! That's not love, what he's doing; trying to manipulate you back into the relationship. You seems like you are a good person! regardless of your past. Look how bad he's trying to make you feel. that's not ok in any way, shape or form. Love is not supposed to make you feel bad.

I agree! listen to your counselor =\ I know it's hard but it's probably the best for you... you can find someone who will be there for you instead of bringing you down. My SO knows I do not accept lying, it's the #1 thing that I will not stand for. He lied to me but he has made up for that, I told him that I couldn't trust him fully but he worked on gaining that trust back, I believe that's a good way to go about it, not to throw that person to the wolves right off the bat.

For him to go as far as to think you are a compulsive liar.... it sounds like he has some problems and needs to see his own counselor.

[threecheers9980]

You're not a compulsive liar, so you don't need to get help for that, no matter what he thinks or tells you. If he really loves you, he would not be making you feel so bad and he wouldn't be manipulating you. It will be hard to do, but I think you need to cut him off completely...don't respond to his e-mails or IMs or anything. Put him on your ignore list if you have to.

I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this.

[mllebamako]

Is there a reason that you are not blocking him? Or changing your email address?

[BernzLaDy4Life]

Awww! I'm sorry to hear about this. Break ups are so tough. I've been there before.

[Sarah M]

Guys, he sent me a yahoo message yesterday with a link, saying that he thinks I am a compulsive liar and the link was providing examples and diagnosis of a compulsive liar an how they do not realize that they are sick etc etc. And he said that he very much wanted to help me and he thinks I should get professional help for this :'(
I know i lied! I know I lied not once in our relationship about my PAST. I know I am not a compulsive liar and I do not understand what he wants. HE says that his dreams of us being together have been broken because of my lies and that he just wants things to be good and live happily ever after, that he wants me to get counseling for lying, that he thought if you LOVE somebody you share all your depes't secrets and fears with that person and I did not...Anyways, it hurts because I know I am not a compulsive liar even though i did lie. I also know that even if I do what he asks: go to counseling for lying (i already go to counseling, but did not address that issues there), it will not be good at the end :'( I know that. I told him that couples counseling is what we need but we are in different states and also I do not know if he loves me deep enough and just get over MY PAST.
I talked to my counselor and he was very clear that I need to get out of this while I can. It is hard tho especially coz he sends me messages and stuff and he says he loves me and wants us be happy and that i was the best girlfriend he ever had except I lied and there are two things in a relationship that he would not accept: cheating and lying :'(

Have a look at this link since he's decided to do that? Do those stages seem a little bit familiar? Be careful. Trust yourself, your heart, your counsellor and do what you know is right for you. You have support, whether it is here or at home. Please use it. Take care of yourself.