SOS

[KiwiLove]

Please help me!!
I think i did something completely wrong, didnt I?

The past weekend I was really down and I couldnt see any light at the end of the tunnel at all and saw everything negative. I had a quick thought of telling my SO an invent like I have cheated. Becuase I thought he deserves a better girl than I am and that it wont work out for me to move to him blabla...Of course I didnt sent him a message to tell this invent. But at that moment I thought it would be the best for him, so he could forget me easily if I would have done something bad like cheating.

I was scared by myself that I even was able to think this way!!
Im sure Im the only one here who had a bad thought.

I couldnt forget it and so I thought it would be the best to tell him that I have had that thought. Even just for a second.

I shouldnt told him, right?? Im so worried he missunderstood me (sometimes we have missunderstandings because I cant explain the really deep and serious things very well in english)

But after I have told him, I sent him another text saying that I hope he didnt understand it wrong and that I did NOT do something bad.

Please, does anyone has an advice for me?
What if he is grumpy now? Or really understood it the wrong way?

[Silviar]

I think you need to find a professional to speak to about this. You've posted a lot about these mood swings, and giving serious thought to that sort of self-destructive thought pattern... hun, I'm worried about you. PLEASE go talk to a therapist!

[LadyMarchHare]

I think everyone, here and there, has moments of doubt like you did. We all have moments where we think they deserve better than us, than the pain of long distance, etc. I'm glad you didn't act on that moment because I know you would have regretted it. As for telling your SO about it, I think you did the right thing because it's important to be honest, even if there is potential for misunderstandings and arguments. He needs to know when you're feeling down so that he can reassure you and help you stand up again on your own two feet.

If he takes it the wrong way, that's completely on him and nothing you did. All you can do is work through it together and try to prevent these moments from happening.

ADD-ON: I agree with Silviar as well, it's probably best you seek some form of counseling for this stuff too.

[KiwiLove]

hun, I'm worried about you. PLEASE go talk to a therapist!

Thats sweet Silviar but I dont think its that bad that I need a therapist. Im just really under high pressere because of my parents and that takes all of my nerves, honestly! I use LFAD forums whenever I feel down to get advice. I hardly ever post something here when something good happend. But thank you

@LadyMarchHare: So you think its good I have told him about, would you wait until he messages me back tomorrow?
Also thank you for your reply

[Rugger]

We all have moments of doubt where we don;t feel good enough or strong enough for our SOs. But you just have to tell yourself that if you weren't good enough , they wouldn't with you. I'm glad that you told your SO how you were feeling. Communication is the backbone of ANY strong relationship.

[KiwiLove]

But you just have to tell yourself that if you weren't good enough , they wouldn't with you.

Yes I know. Its really silly that I have those thoughts sometimes.
But sometimes I think he rellay could have another a better girl. Someone who is better looking and someone who is there when he needs his girlfriend.

Distance just really sucks

[Losk]

Everyone has those thoughts Kiwi, long distance relationship or a normal relationship. When me and my SO got together, I was very much an emotional and physical wreck. XD I was sick all the time, and stressed out of my mind. I constantly thought about breaking up with him, and I was worried about dragging him down in life. Nearly a year later, I still worry a little sometimes. But, nothing in life is perfect, and no relationship is perfect. We all worry lots about about not being good enough, and I bet even he has had some of those doubts himself. It is good you told him how you've been feeling though, I've done the same thing with my SO.

Also, if you're stressed because of parents and such, find a good friend to just rant to. It keeps stress from building up. I rant a lot to my SO, and some how it has been making us closer. Even though I've been just ranting excessively, it's been making home life a little more bearable. XD

[KiwiLove]

I just wanted to say that Im sure it was wrong telling him.
He replied this morning. He didnt understand why I had that thought. Well, I also dont really understand but I know its due to my stress I ve got with my parents.

I wrote him back again telling him Im sorry and I shouldnt have told him and that I realise myself that I hvae to work on my own life to be happy. If im living the life like someone else want me to live it then I will bitterly regret it one day.

He didnt reply...I wrote him a long message telling him that I understand if he doesnt want to contact me again but I want him to know I truly love him and that he will always keep the best place in my heart.

I hope so so much that he will message again...just wanted to inform you guys how it went on..

[Rugger]

Yes I know. Its really silly that I have those thoughts sometimes.
But sometimes I think he rellay could have another a better girl. Someone who is better looking and someone who is there when he needs his girlfriend.

Distance just really sucks

I can't tell you how many times I've thought this. My SO has only had on relationship before me, I used to think that he was just settling for me because I was interested in him. I shouldn't get so down on myself. Now I prefer to think the reason he hasn't had a girlfriend in 3 years is because He's picky and I'm the only one who met his standards.

I hope it turns out well for you sweetie. You can PM me anytime<3