Time together before move in?

[PJ_]

This topic keeps coming up for my SO and I. We've known each other online since August of 2009, went exclusive Oct '09, but didn't meet in person until Oct '10. During that trip we spent roughly ten days together but we hit it off, saw the chemistry was there, and knew we wanted more.

We wanted to see each other for Christmas or New Years but that didn't work out. (I'm US he's UK.) We're now planning an Easter trip that can be anywhere from seven to ten days. Depends on time off of work and all that.

So that history down, it brought us to thinking... How much time in person is really needed before deciding to move in with one another? If you talk/Skype every day does that affect the in person time at all?

One of his worries is that there will be some weird quirk or something we don't see in the visits because we're on cloud nine and haven't had any time to adjust.

Has anyone else talked this over with their SO? Any input? (If it matters - I'd be the one moving to the UK. It's a bit of a process to get there and we'd have to go the marriage route.)

Thanks in advance!

[garnet]

I think it's different for everyone. Rane and I spent 9 weeks total together, before he moved here. It was enough for us, but I think the only reason it was, is because it consisted of two long trips. One lasting 4 weeks, and one lasting 5. When they go on for more than two weeks, it's easier to see a person not quite as on their best behavior I think.

I think a lot of video skype time is really helpful when you aren't able to have as many, or as long of visits as you want to. Especially if you can keep it going even when you aren't really paying attention to each other, it becomes a little more like you are just in the room together.

Good luck with your decision!

[PJ_]

Thank you.

I meant to put in there that I knew everyone will be different. Sorry! For him he has more of a logical way of thinking so collecting data and such really helps him put things in perspective and all of that.

[Moon]

It wouldn't be enough time for me. Having been married before, I know how difficult it can be to find out you're living with someone you're just not compatible with. Living together full time is much different than a short visit, there are many things you'll find out about each other that you just don't know by Skyping, but that's just me, I've learned to be much more careful

[lucybelle]

Well my SO is moving in with me soon and I'm quite nervous about it for the reason that we've spent so little time together. We met while I was down there and dated for about a month (this time was just going on dates a couple times a week). Then I went down to visit him a year later for a week. The he came to visit me for a week. So total time together: *drum roll* About 3 weeks total. Do I think that's enough time to really get to know someone? Nope. Sure don't. But because we are international the only way we were going to be able to find out if this is really going to work is by doing a big leap of faith into living with each other.

We've talked a lot about what will happen if it doesn't work out. We've tried to stay realistic about everything. I've also tried to tell him all my weird OCD behaviors that would probably drive him up the wall. He seems ready for the task! Only time will tell

[Tabitha]

It depends on the individuals really. My SO and I are closing the distance and moving in together in a whole new city before summer, and I could never do it if we hadn't spent so much time together. We spend about half of our time together now, most months, so we know just about everything there is to know about each others habits.

[BabyGund]

My SO and I discussed this a few months back. I've always thought that no matter where we decide to close the distance (here, there or some 3rd city) we wouldn't be moving in together. After being divorced and on my own for the last year, I'm not real anxious to live with someone FT. I like having my space!

[Zephii]

What Garnet said ^^

For us, we had a 7 week visit, and a 20 day visit. Then he moved in with me (technically visiting) in Oz for four months at the end of which we came back here together. We had talked online for years though, and after we went official (once we finally met) we skyped every day unless it was impossible, which it rarely was.
We talked a lot about our bad habits too, we talked about our faults, didn't hide anything. We talked about who would do what if we did live together. We talked about gender roles, money, what chores we liked vrs what we hated, what we would expect from each other, how we'd handle friends wanting to visit... everything.

Your case is a bit different though - moving in with someone is quite a bit less serious than marrying them. I'd personally find a way to have a long visit before getting hitched and moving to a different country, because having your SO there all the time does not equal happiness.

[PJ_]

We do a ton of talking and are both very honest about things up front. We're trying to figure the "next step" right now and the topic of how much in person time we think is needed before the possible move. I've been through it before and had it fail and he's new to it all. Right now we're hoping for a month and a half/two month visit over summer on top of other short visits between and after that.

Everyone's input is really helping and I thank everyone for their responses! LDR hurdles.... Gotta love 'em. =)

[mllebamako]

We met in person and then about 3 weeks later, I moved into his cousin's house (she and I were good friends). He lived next door to her. So we weren't living together but pretty dang close pretty early. But it was good to see how it was to 'live' with each other with the safety of having our own rooms to retreat to. After maybe a month of that, we moved in together. It worked out quite well for us and we didn't drive each other crazy for the 6+ months we lived together.

I agree with everyone else that it's nice to do a long visit as kind of a trial period and see how the person is after the first weeks of honeymoon fade out.