Job and School vs. Closing the Distance...

[Dziubka]

I feel like I'm constantly making new threads so sorry for that.

This is about closing the distance, but not only and I need some advice.

I'm in my 5th semester at uni and finishing my Bachelor's degree next March. A few weeks ago, one of my profs asked me to work for him as a research assistant starting in July. We met to discuss a few details today and he asked me if I was staying at my uni until 2013 (enf of the project I'll be working for). I'm a hopeless liar, so I flat out told him that I didn't know and was still considering different options for my master's degree.
I could totally feel the tension that was building up and that he was not at all happy about my answer.
Thing is, I was planning to finish my B.A. here and then together with my boyfriend, move to another city with a school where we could both get our master's. I'd continue my eduaction either way!

I really don't know what to do about this, though. I'm really interested in the job, it pays well and it would just look so good on my CV.
The M.A. programmes that my uni offers (or is going to offer, seeing as it's not official yet) are quite interesting, too and would probably fit perfectly with my fields of interest and classes/topics that I had in my B.A.
If I stayed I could also start my master's right after I finish my Bachelor's, if I transfered I'd have to wait a semester.

But it would mean we'd have another 3 years before we close the distance*, I don't really like the city I live in and I feel like I might want to get to know another uni/other professors, too.

I know that this is something I have to decide, but I'm having such a hard time with this. I hate making decisions, especially when they're potentially life-altering and I feel this one is
So please, someone, anyone... advice me, what would you do?

(*unless my boyfriend stayed in his city for his master's, cause I'm supposed to do the 3rd semester of my master's there anyway. So I'd move there in 2yrs)

[Silviar]

Make a list of pro's and cons, and determine what will make you happy short term versus long term. Then see if the long-term and short term can coincide, and how.

[Stina83]

That's a tough one.. have you talked to your boyfriend about it? I'd probably talk to him and see what he says. If you go with your original plans to close the distance with your bf sooner, when would that be as opposed to the 3 yrs, if you decide to take the job and stay?

[Dziubka]

We've talked about it a million times already.
He tells me to do what I feel best about and what would be best for me, but I get the feeling that he's getting a bit well.. maybe impatient and annoyed with me changing my mind a million times and this prof having so much 'power' over all of this
If went to the same school, we'd close the distance either March/April next year or at the latest October next year, so we'd be looking at 1 -1,5yrs.

[Stina83]

Alright.. and there's no chance that he could move to ur city?
If there's no way that's going to happen, I'd personally probably stick with the original plans. But that's just me. I suppose I value love over my career in some ways, maybe I'm a dumb romantic though. Don't get me wrong, your education is important, but maybe there's a possibility that you could get a good and relevant job too at your new university?
It's up to you entirely, but this is probably what I would do

[vpavelock]

That is really hard, but the way I see it is you NEED something where you are that will keep you happy. If you are not completely satisfied with the university and area, that will be a weight making the pain of LD feel all the more worse. Job experience is incredibly important, so you should look into the possibly internships/programs you can be a part of at a new university with your SO and see if there is something that can help you in the long run. My personal opinion is that you should do everything in your power to make it work, but in the end if staying at your current university is the only way you'll get the experience you need in your field to potentially have a good career and future it may make sense for you to stay, and possibly find a way to make the distance more bearable (such as more trips to see each other.)

I'm currently trying to transfer to be with my bf (but to a school just as good for my major). My barrier happens to be my parents not yet being on board with the idea (and the idea of me goign a lot further away). Everyone has some barrier, try all you can to get past it. Good luck <3

[nic&matt]

But it would mean we'd have another 3 years before we close the distance*, I don't really like the city I live in and I feel like I might want to get to know another uni/other professors, too.

It seems like that's your answer to me. You need your SO...it's sreaming out through your words. A job is a job, yes, but you can get a job where you move to (not the same one of course). And I don't think taking this one job would be give you any better opportunity at future jobs than not doing it.
I'm also one to not take risk. I would be to afraid of hating it shortly after the decision and having to wait a long time.

But go on what you feel is right. If your instinct is telling you to stay, stay. What matters is if you're going to be up late all the time always wondering.

Let us know whichever path you want to go. We're here for you to support you no matter what! Best of luck!

[Dziubka]

Stina83, Unfortunately, no.
There aren't any graduate programmes for him in my city and he couldn't afford it anyway. The city we were going to move to is way cheaper than where I live now (about €550 vs 300€ monthly for a two bed room appt). I wouldn't even need to work there, my scholarship would be enough to make a living and I wouldn't have to pay for trains/flights to my boyfriend anymore...

Silviar, I wish it was that easy. How am I supposed to know know what is going to make me happy in the long run?

[Stina83]

You know.. I think it sounds like you're battling your heart and your mind here. Your heart is telling you to move and your brain is telling you to stay. I always thought you should go with your heart. I'm sure there's going to be other jobs at the new university. I'm from Denmark and I think our systems are pretty similar. It's not the end of the world if you don't get this job. Sure, it's going to look good on your cv, but many jobs will, so it's not like losing this one job will ruin your career Correct me if I'm wrong.
Anyway, go with your gut feeling. It's your decision, make the one where you feel you'll have the least regrets. It does sound to me though, that you already have the answer, as you're sort of trying to convince yourself that it's alright to make that decision.. (to close the distance sooner). If that's really the case, then I think you should go for it. Good luck

[Gelfling]

My former sister-in-law was denied entry into the Master's program at the university she got her Bachelor's from specifically because they said they wanted their graduates to have their Masters from a different school than their Bachelors. It might be worth figuring out who hires the sort of job you want and if they prefer employees who did all their studies at the same university, or if the variety of experience is more valuable.

If it doesn't matter (or if it's only a minor benefit either way), then it sounds like either option is a rational option, so go with the one that makes your heart sing. Not needing to work while doing graduate-level study sounds like a pretty big pro to me.

[Dziubka]

God, you can't imagine how good it us to hear (err read) your opinions. Thanks to every single one of you

I know for sure that my prof would like to keep me here and he'd be disappointed if I left. And while that's not a reason (I can't make everyone happy) and I feel like he has all this high hopes and ambitions for me that I don't neccessarily share, what I do share are his fields of interest and there's some other pretty good specialists for what I'm interested in here. Obviously, not taking the job or rather only taking it for one semester isn't going to ruin my career, but I'd like to stay in it, because it seems really really interesting and fun (as far as jobs go).

I suppose that the programms at the other uni, don't really fit my interests as much as the master here would. But then again, I'm not really set in my interestes and I pretty much don't know anything other than what they teach at my uni, so I might just as well develop/discover new interests.
If I knew what I wanted to do after uni, it would probably help, but I have no idea. I love studying and learning, but I have no idea what I want to do, once I have me degree. I kind of wish my boyfriend will make enough money so I can be a stay at home mum... but I probably shouldn't rely on that.

[xopookie]

Hmm, well if he really loves you he can wait one more semester or 3 years, but how much is this professor willing to pay you for your research assistant job? What are the benefits? If you do this for him you can get a glowing recommendation letter from your professor and a great position that'll really help with your masters! <--- Consider that as well! I think you should take the job as an added bonus to help you get in into the masters program. Besides he might give you enough money to visit your boyfriend. If your man really loves you he'll wait for you! True love always waits!

[lucybelle]

Go have an adventure!!!!!! Try something new!!!!!! Try somewhere new!!!!!!! Yes the university you are currently at is great, I'm sure. But there's THOUSANDS.... MILLIONS.... TRILLIONS ... (okay maybe not THAT many, but you get the point) of universities in the world. You could find another one that has your same specialty.

[Dziubka]

xopookie, I know that my boyfriend will wait, I'm not worried about that. The question is whether I want to be apart from him for so much longer. The job will pay enough so I can go see my boyfriend once a month, but I do that already. Going there more often would be impossible, I wouldn't be here enough anymore to work or study
I figure I'll have no problems getting into a master programm as it is. In fact from what I've looked into, I'm slighty over-qualified for the MA programmes at other schools, that I'm considering. A recommendation would still be pretty useful for when I'm looking for jobs after uni.

lucybelle, thing is... I'm likely to have more of an adventure if I stay here. My prof apparently really wants me to stay and he's giving me all this perspectives. I could do the first year of the MA here, and then the 2nd year at two different unis abroad (one my boyfriend's city - only that he'll have moved away for his master's. The other one: another European captial that I love and that I really want to learn the language of!). You also have to keep in mind, that I'm studying a not very widely spread subject, with an even less spread specialisation. One of the languages I've learnt is afaik only taught at two unis in the whole of Germany (!).

I'm so totally lost with this one

[OliveOyl]

the research assistanship sounds like a really awesome career goal, ESPECIALLY if you are considering going into a graduate program. Just saying that as a fellow academic.