I'm sorry if it seems that i keep making threads, but it's like lately one thing leads to the next. I have no idea what to think, or if i'm even thinking rationally.
My boyfriend and i have been together for what will be 7 months this month. We met really randomly. Through my friend Nelson who i've known for about 5 years online. He used to live here in the US, but he moved with his family to Argentina and is now at a pension for boys while he studies. One day we were talking, and he had to AFK for a few minutes, and Brian (my boyfriend) just happened to get on Nelson's computer. He started talking to me, but i wasn't really interested because.. Well.. I don't usually talk to random people on Nelson's screen name.
We only "talked" for like 3 minutes while Nelson was gone, and i say "talk" because it was mostly him asking questions and me ignoring or giving short answers. However, for some reason he wanted to add me to his MSN??? I didn't want to be rude and so i said he could add me if he wanted. After he added me, i took some time to accept his request but eventually i did.
He messaged me everyday, and each time he did i pretended like i was busy. I don't think he ever noticed.. One day, i was about to block him and delete him but out of curiosity i asked him why he even bothered talking to me if 1) he didn't know me and 2) i never responded. He said he didn't really know, and he didn't even know why he went on Nelson's computer that day because he never does things like that. I actually gave him a chance that night, just to talk to him, and it was one of the best nights ever.
After that we just developed this amazing bond. He was the best. I remember a night he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was like 2AM and i was dead tired but i just couldnt stand saying good bye to him. I had wished i could stay on Skype with him, and it was like he read my mind. As i was saying my good night, he said ".. You can go to sleep, but just leave your mic on. I want to stay with you".. and then he started whispering sweet nothings to me in italian, and translating them for me in spanish. ( i don't speak italian haha but it was so romantic).
He started saying things like "I think it was fate that we had to meet that way", and saying things about our future like "When we live together","I want to grow old with you and still walk down the street with you holding hands"... and these dreams became everything to me.
We knew it'd be sometime since he still has 2 years until he finishes his degree, and i still have somethings that i need to work on... but we had planned all these beautiful things. We did have our arguments, but most of the time it was perfect. I've never been so in love.
Last month, he went on vacation to his parent's town. He also lives in that pension, just downstairs from my friend Nelson. When he left he was upset because he didn't pass some of his finals. His parents live in the country and so they don't have internet. I couldn't really call his cellphone because it would be costly for him since it wastes his credits. I ended up buying a skype subscription so that i could be able to call him at his parent's house.
His parents don't know about us, and he's still not planning on telling them about us until we meet. He's afraid that they wont take it seriously. I respect that, he can take his time.. When i called it was strange because he wasn't as sweet and loving as usual, but i understood that he didn't want his parents to know.. So i though. Ok, it will be all back to normal once he gets back.
Only i wasnt... He had gone away to his parents house in the past, and everytime he'd come back our first time together again was always special and romantic.. This time it wasnt. He wasnt sweet, or anything. He pretty much ignored me the whole time he was back.. So i started thinking that he got used to being alone, and didn't care about me anymore. I don't know what was going on but something had changed.
I talked with him about it, and he said that nothing had changed. That he was just tired and that he'd be back to normal after a few days.. Then those few days came by and he was still different. It was really depressing for me because i'm also going through things, and he was really the only one that could bring some happiness into my dark times.. but it seemed like he didnt care.
Nelson had tipped me off that he spoke to Brian, and he had told him that he was really stressed over the exams. His parents gave him a really hard time while he was out there, and he has exams coming up in march. If he doesn't pass them he'll lose his scholarship. Also, if he does well he'll have a degree. Not the one he wants, but an intermediate one. So i figured out he was depressed.
I tried to cheer him up, and give him words of encouragement. I told him id always be there for him etc etc. Then one night i had asked him if he was committed to me and our relationship, and he said he only thought about me.. but that he felt we were moving too fast..
He said that we shouldnt make so much plans because we don't know what we'll become and we don't know we will meet, or if it will even work out. This crushed my heart..
If we don't have dreams, then whats the light at the end of the tunnel? How do i keep pushing forward?
He told me that he wanted to live his life, go out,work, and travel after school.. that i was already thinking about having children and settling down. He was the one that had brought up the whole marriage thing.. and i had thought that was what we both wanted to be together forever.
I had thought that we were on the same page, but now i guess we aren't? I asked him if he wanted to date other people, but he said no.
I felt like i was a burden on him, but he said he hadn't thought of it that way.
When we originally made those plans, i didn't expect it to happen over night. I knew there was going to be a few years of wait.. but hes kind of making it seem like its going to happen tomorrow or something..
Since then i've been feeling like maybe i shouldn't take this too seriously, and i should also live my life.. that maybe i shouldn't make our relationship working out a priority. I don't know anymore. Am i over analyzing?
My boyfriend and i have been together for what will be 7 months this month. We met really randomly. Through my friend Nelson who i've known for about 5 years online. He used to live here in the US, but he moved with his family to Argentina and is now at a pension for boys while he studies. One day we were talking, and he had to AFK for a few minutes, and Brian (my boyfriend) just happened to get on Nelson's computer. He started talking to me, but i wasn't really interested because.. Well.. I don't usually talk to random people on Nelson's screen name.
We only "talked" for like 3 minutes while Nelson was gone, and i say "talk" because it was mostly him asking questions and me ignoring or giving short answers. However, for some reason he wanted to add me to his MSN??? I didn't want to be rude and so i said he could add me if he wanted. After he added me, i took some time to accept his request but eventually i did.
He messaged me everyday, and each time he did i pretended like i was busy. I don't think he ever noticed.. One day, i was about to block him and delete him but out of curiosity i asked him why he even bothered talking to me if 1) he didn't know me and 2) i never responded. He said he didn't really know, and he didn't even know why he went on Nelson's computer that day because he never does things like that. I actually gave him a chance that night, just to talk to him, and it was one of the best nights ever.
After that we just developed this amazing bond. He was the best. I remember a night he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was like 2AM and i was dead tired but i just couldnt stand saying good bye to him. I had wished i could stay on Skype with him, and it was like he read my mind. As i was saying my good night, he said ".. You can go to sleep, but just leave your mic on. I want to stay with you".. and then he started whispering sweet nothings to me in italian, and translating them for me in spanish. ( i don't speak italian haha but it was so romantic).
He started saying things like "I think it was fate that we had to meet that way", and saying things about our future like "When we live together","I want to grow old with you and still walk down the street with you holding hands"... and these dreams became everything to me.
We knew it'd be sometime since he still has 2 years until he finishes his degree, and i still have somethings that i need to work on... but we had planned all these beautiful things. We did have our arguments, but most of the time it was perfect. I've never been so in love.
Last month, he went on vacation to his parent's town. He also lives in that pension, just downstairs from my friend Nelson. When he left he was upset because he didn't pass some of his finals. His parents live in the country and so they don't have internet. I couldn't really call his cellphone because it would be costly for him since it wastes his credits. I ended up buying a skype subscription so that i could be able to call him at his parent's house.
His parents don't know about us, and he's still not planning on telling them about us until we meet. He's afraid that they wont take it seriously. I respect that, he can take his time.. When i called it was strange because he wasn't as sweet and loving as usual, but i understood that he didn't want his parents to know.. So i though. Ok, it will be all back to normal once he gets back.
Only i wasnt... He had gone away to his parents house in the past, and everytime he'd come back our first time together again was always special and romantic.. This time it wasnt. He wasnt sweet, or anything. He pretty much ignored me the whole time he was back.. So i started thinking that he got used to being alone, and didn't care about me anymore. I don't know what was going on but something had changed.
I talked with him about it, and he said that nothing had changed. That he was just tired and that he'd be back to normal after a few days.. Then those few days came by and he was still different. It was really depressing for me because i'm also going through things, and he was really the only one that could bring some happiness into my dark times.. but it seemed like he didnt care.
Nelson had tipped me off that he spoke to Brian, and he had told him that he was really stressed over the exams. His parents gave him a really hard time while he was out there, and he has exams coming up in march. If he doesn't pass them he'll lose his scholarship. Also, if he does well he'll have a degree. Not the one he wants, but an intermediate one. So i figured out he was depressed.
I tried to cheer him up, and give him words of encouragement. I told him id always be there for him etc etc. Then one night i had asked him if he was committed to me and our relationship, and he said he only thought about me.. but that he felt we were moving too fast..
He said that we shouldnt make so much plans because we don't know what we'll become and we don't know we will meet, or if it will even work out. This crushed my heart..
If we don't have dreams, then whats the light at the end of the tunnel? How do i keep pushing forward?
He told me that he wanted to live his life, go out,work, and travel after school.. that i was already thinking about having children and settling down. He was the one that had brought up the whole marriage thing.. and i had thought that was what we both wanted to be together forever.
I had thought that we were on the same page, but now i guess we aren't? I asked him if he wanted to date other people, but he said no.
I felt like i was a burden on him, but he said he hadn't thought of it that way.
When we originally made those plans, i didn't expect it to happen over night. I knew there was going to be a few years of wait.. but hes kind of making it seem like its going to happen tomorrow or something..
Since then i've been feeling like maybe i shouldn't take this too seriously, and i should also live my life.. that maybe i shouldn't make our relationship working out a priority. I don't know anymore. Am i over analyzing?
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