My LDR's mother very sick and i dont hear from her anymore.

[annisha]

Hey there, very new to the board but did read alot of threads last night. I hvent found anything similar to mine at the moment.

I have been with my gf for about 6 months now and did meet in an online community. We get along brilliantly and havent had any arguments, have always kept in touch via text, phone, skype, webcam ect. Im meant to be meeting her in March. Shes in the uk and im in australia. Anyway when we first met she told me her mother has Parkinsons Disease and recently it has got alot worse. Shes very lucky because she lives next door to her Mom and can go and help her. However its gotten alot worse because her Mother is now hallucinating due to her meds and she cant leave her Mothers side. While this has all been going on i have received 1 text a day and thts fine, i do know she has got her hands full atm.

However the last 3 days i have not recieved anything from her at all. I have kept my distance slightly, i have sent a couple of text msgs saying im thinking of her and there for her. I havent asked why she hasnt msged me bc i dont want to hassle the poor thing. Ive also checked with her friends on FB and they havent heard from her either.

Here is my dillemma. The last text msg said she feels like she is cracking up and cant handle anything in her life. So the last one i sent to her was im here for you , if you need to call ill keep my phone on at all times. Never heard from her again. So im really confused. This is going to sound incredibly selfish on my part. However it only takes a second to text someone to say there alright but yet she hasnt done that. She would know im absolutely worried about her, i dont need to tell her that. Im just finding it really difficult going from everyday contact (4 hours each time online together) to nothing. Ive decided to just give her some space for couple of days and not text her, but im so scared. Ive got all the "what if" thinking. Such as "what if her love has faded for me" "what if shes gong to dump me bc she feels she cant give any of herself for me anymore" Id willingly wait for her because what shes going through is not her fault. Its an uncontrollable circumstance. I just miss her so much and feel so helpless stuck here in Aus and not be able to hold her and be with her to help her through this tough time.

Dammmit i hate this, and feel so bloody terrible for her to.
Please someone help me out on this one coz sometimes i dont feel im coping too well. I do have depression myself but my anti depressants are keeping me afloat. However i can feel the edge of the anxiety and depression coming through somtimes.

Anywy do you this can be worked through? Plese any advice would be wonderful. Thankyou

Thanks
Anni

PS i sent her a text msg today saying that i know she has her hands full and that when she feels ready she can contact me, that im here for her always. I just hope i hear from her eventually. Next week is valentines day so im thinking of sending this bracelet i always wear so she has something of me with her.

[garnet]

I think you've really done all you can do. You let her know you're there when she needs you, and you are giving her space to deal with everything. I know thats especially hard on you when you just need to hear she's okay, but I definitely think you should just continue as you have been.
I lost my grandfather to Parkinson's, it's a terrible disease. I'm so sorry your gf and her mom are faced with it.

[annisha]

Thanks for your reply Garnet. Apparetnly the parkinsons has spread to the upper part of her body. Is hallucinations also a very common thing with the meds? How hard is it to look after someone with Parkinsons? I think ill do abit of googling about the disease and see what is out there.

I do find this incredibly hard and i will wait for her, she had asked me to wait earlier on in the week before the complete silence. She sent me a fb inbox stating that she needs me now more then ever. So i will wait, i just wish i could understand why she cant get a text msg to me saying just that she is alright and for me not to worry *sighs*

Any other pov's out there?

[annisha]

oh god im starting to miss her sooooo much, i miss the fun we have together, the romance, the words of love, i miss everything. Im close to crying atm and about to crack and send her a text asking why she is ignoring me . ... i want to know if she still wants me. Im so close to crying but im scared to cry just in case i cant stop.;..i just wish things were the way they used to be. I wish she would just let me know whats going on. I just wish i knew weather to move on or not...soooooo hard!!!! Sorry i needed this rant so i didnt send her that text.

[annisha]

Ok i thik i have stuffed up. I sent her a text asking her to please text me so i know shes alright because im crying with worry here.Grrrrr but i couldnt help it. I just broke down and cried and sent that msg.

[Lostintime]

Annisha,

You have her mobile number cause you text her, get an online virtual phone card, spring for the extra bucks and call her. It will be worth it plus you can hash things out over the phone, forget the text messages this calls for a phone call. Trust me it will help so much.

Clint

[Sano]

My bf's mom is really sick too and he's at the hospital with her for the most part of the day so I dont get to talk to him much. Im not upset with him. I just learned to be patient. It was hard at first but I told him to call me if he needed me and when he can't handle it by himself he does call me and I just listen to what he says. It just takes a little time. But when he can't call me during the day we text or he calls me when he does have the time, even if its 3 in the morning and just for a couple of minutes. Just hang in there

[annisha]

Thankyou. I do phone her btw and she never answers the phone because she has it on silent. So im not going to call anymore because she doesnt call back anway. See i wish she would text me, i dont need a text everyday, just when she can and she does know im worried so im shocked she still hasnt texted me as yet. I just am really realy worried that something awful has happened...and im trying to hang in there but its so tough. ARRRRGH

[garnet]

Thanks for your reply Garnet. Apparetnly the parkinsons has spread to the upper part of her body. Is hallucinations also a very common thing with the meds? How hard is it to look after someone with Parkinsons? I think ill do abit of googling about the disease and see what is out there.

Well I'm sure a lot has changed since my grandfather was here, but yes, hallucinations were definitely a problem. He moved in with my parents and I (I was just a little girl), and it was pretty much a full time job for my mom to care for him.

[Zephii]

Ok mate, you need to get a grip on yourself here. Yes, you miss her, but right now it can't be about you. You need to just be there for her and help her through. She's already said she's cracking under the stress, so you need to be her comfort, not another obligation. (I'm not saying that you are, because it seems like you're doing great with the space thing, I'm saying don't give into the impulse)

I've never been the primary carer for someone with parkinsons, but i've seen it first hand and it is very hard.

From personal experience, when my Mum was dying of cancer my SO Obi (who I wasn't officially with) wouldn't hear from me for weeks at a time sometimes. Even when I had time to talk, I just didn't have the emotional energy in me. It's very hard to look after someone you love and see them suffering. But I know I would always read his emails or offline msn messages. A lot of the time I didn't have the strength to reply, but I always read them and they helped.

Try sending an encouraging card in the mail, just to perk her up, and keep doing what you have been doing. She doesn't have time for this relationship right now and has asked you to wait. You're a strong person. It will turn out alright in the end.

[annisha]

Well its all too late now. Thanks for everyones good advice. However i found out from her friend tht they are all going out tomorrow for a big catch up and a beer.

I hve tried to be patient and understanding with her. Well its too late for me now. She hasnt bothered to text me back in the last 4 days just to say she is alright but can arrange to catch up with mates for a beer tomorrow. Her friend has told me she is mega busy but my LDR couldve just sent me a little msg to say she is alright. That tells me exactly what she thinks of me.

I am angry hurt and confused and im not going to bother with her anymore. Ive sent her a couple of texts explaining how i feel about this, ive told her i understand her mom is ill but she couldve sent me a small text letting me know she is alright. Maybe im being selfish now but atm i really dont care. Ive had too many people do this to me, just take me for granted and now im not going to be Miss Nice Girl. For once im going to be good to myself and take care of me.

I really dont understand why she has done this. If she wanted a break she couldve said she wanted one and i wouldve understood. But to not reply to my texts is just a selfish thing as far as im concerned.