Nervous!

[BabyGund]

Hi everyone, I'm Erika and I've been in a LDR for over 2 years. Has anyone ever had the misfortune of your parents/family disapproving of you talking to someone you've never met in person? Unfortunately, that's my case.

To make a long story short, I'm not supposed to be talking to my SO, since my parents banned me, but I simply couldn't let him go. I've been hiding this fact for almost 2 years behind my parents backs, and I've decided I'm tired of fighting and keeping secrets from them, and am going to tell them tomorrow that I am still talking to him. I have no idea how they'll react. I could get kicked out of the house, or they'll stop paying for college. (Mom's threatened those, anyway.) I'm nervous, and yet ready to tell. Wish me luck tomorrow! I hope I don't sound like a horrible daughter for keeping this behind their backs. :S

Why exactly did your parents ban you from talking to him? What were their concerns?

[Stina83]

Good luck Erika I hope it works out for you. It does sound very drastic of your parents to threaten to stop paying for college or kick you out of the house. I doubt they will actually do that. Plus you've been together for 2 years now, so maybe they'll see that it's serious. Just out of curiosity, when are you planning to meet in person?

[ErikaH]

Why exactly did your parents ban you from talking to him? What were their concerns?

Well, I believe that my parents were mostly concerned about the fact that I was talking to someone I barely knew, that he is African American (my parents say they aren't racist, but they might be a little - hypocritical of my mom, because she's Filipino and my dad's white) and they don't like it that he's from Savannah. They always worry that he could be from the poor are, or another dirty part of the town, and isn't good for me. They worry that he could be in a gang, etc. They particularly were/are worried that he could be an older guy, just trying to hurt me. At the beginning of my relationship, Mom said she didn't want me texting him, because he could track down my phone and "come and rape me". Understandable, but it's been 2 years now, and obviously he doesn't want me harmed.

[ErikaH]

Good luck Erika I hope it works out for you. It does sound very drastic of your parents to threaten to stop paying for college or kick you out of the house. I doubt they will actually do that. Plus you've been together for 2 years now, so maybe they'll see that it's serious. Just out of curiosity, when are you planning to meet in person?

Well, we were planning on meeting this summer, but not 100% positive it'll happen. I always thought it'd be better for him to come up here first, so my parents can see he's...real, and I'd have the freedom to go visit him anytime after that. He isn't sure if he'd be able to come up here though, and I might have to go down there first. However, I'm not sure my parents would let me go - I'd go with a friend, but they'd most likely want to come along to see he is who he says he is. I just don't know.

[ErikaH]

Ok, so. Due to bad weather and horrible roads, my parents weren't able to come up here and I wasn't able to tell them. I have to wait until Monday. However, I'm feeling a little discouraged, since I talked to my SO last night and he said it's not worth the risk. I think he is just afraid that I will get hurt once I tell them, and he doesn't want that. I'm not 100% sure what he's afraid of, but I've been trying to tell him that it's worth the risk.

[ErikaH]

So. Today I told my parents. Mom was upset, which wasn't unusual. Dad didn't react as bad as mom, but he still isn't sure about this. They said that I can still talk to my SO whenever I want, but that we can't meet until Mom is ready to meet him. I'm absolutely allowing her time to mull this over and get used to the idea that I'm talking to someone so far away. I feel much better now that they know.

[Sarah M]

That's wonderful news! Well done! Hopefully your mum will get used to the idea and you'll be able to meet soon!

[Freckles]

Erika, under the circumstances, I think that's the best you could've hoped for. I'm really happy to hear that you're not getting kicked out of the house or school. I think your mom is being totally reasonable...she's just looking out for her baby girl. I think both of your parents will feel much better about the situation once they get to meet your SO, and how AWESOME that they're cool with you still talking to him whenever you want! I can imagine how much better you feel about the whole thing.

Kudos, girlie!

[ErikaH]

Thanks guys. I'm glad that they're still allowing me to talk to him, and still letting me stay at home/at school. Unfortunately, it was all under one circumstance. My mom was quite upset about me still talking to him, and originally didn't want us to meet until after I graduate college. That's nearly three years, and I was absolutely against that. My brother helped me and we managed to make a compromise. As of right now, we have to wait until next year to meet. She said she won't be ready to meet him until then, and most likely vice versa, but the waiting is going to be utter torture. I'm willing to go through with it though, just as long as we can still talk. Now we can talk on the phone without having to hide it from my parents, etc. Waiting a year, despite the torture, will be worth it. Now I just have to tell my SO that!

[princessmeg1328]

I'm glad that it went as well as it did! I now that waiting will be hard, but just think about what you have to still look forward to. If your college semesters go by as fast as mine seem to do, next year will be here before you know it. I hope that your SO is as excited as you are.

[ErikaH]

I'm glad that it went as well as it did! I now that waiting will be hard, but just think about what you have to still look forward to. If your college semesters go by as fast as mine seem to do, next year will be here before you know it. I hope that your SO is as excited as you are.

I'm sure he will be, once I tell him. And thanks! Yeah, I'm sure the year will fly by!