how can I be more supportive?

[Effie]

Hello

I'm new to this and having read some of the posts I wish I'd found it sooner! I'm 22 and have been in a ldr for 11 months now. I have been with my so for over 3 years and the circumstances around our relationship was that he had to leave the country for work (he went to aus). I am currently finishing my degree and hopefully joining him in 4 months (yay).

So anyways I think we have dealt with the distance incredibly well considering our ages and all that, but I'm wondering how I can be more supportive. I've found that the only problems we really encounter is my jealousy... Now I'm not referring to trust issues or jealousy over other women he meet - I genuinely trust him completely! I mean when he goes out to the beach, to festivals and pub crawls etc. I get this sort of intrinsic sad feeling if he even mentions that sort of thing. I really can't help it, I know he wants to tell me about where he has been and what he has done but I just feel so sad and left out. It doesn't help that I'm broke so I can't afford to go out much and the weather is crap here ha.

A couple of times i've asked him if he's doin somethin really fun to try and not mention it to me until afterwards ( I find that easier for some reason), but he forgets or somethin. Then if I get upset he says that I should be happy for him. I am happy for him - i'm just unhappy for me!

Does anyone else have this problem? And do you think there's anyway I can be more supportive, apart from just lying to him about how it makes me feel?

I'd appreciate any input

[prinzeza87]

i knw where u coming from, somehow we both have the same feelings too, but ok in my case wat i do (we trust each other too) at first he would rather not go out to not make me feel that way, but i realize thats not gonna help or solve nothing, so i just accept it in a nice n good way instead of struggling.
the best i can tell u is take it easy, be positive usaid u'd trust him so u dnt really gain nothing feeling that way if he's not giving you a good reason for.

[TknandLvnIt]

You just have to find something to do during those times. Take up a new hobby or play one of your favorite games. Catch up with a friend that you haven't talked to in awhile. Try and talk to him so that you can plan to do things at the same time maybe he can leave one day out of each weekend or every other weekend to do something fun with you. There are a lot of fun suggestions on this site but something my SO and I did recently was a photo scavenger hunt. We made a list together of things that we had to find and the first to find wins. We used stuff like something pink and blue etc. But maybe you could have him take a picture of something he wants you to see and why on the days he goes out and u don't. I hope this helps a bit I feel like that at times too but mostly because I'm used to having him to myself during certain times of the day but I learn to find things to do and it helps a lot. Good luck

[Caroline]

My SO is at University and is going out a lot and I'm stuck at home so I know how you feel.
He often tells me about when hes out and I always see messages from friends on his Facebook about inside jokes.

It's not that I don't trust him but I just wish I was there with him.
Also I don't know any of his friends so I'm very weary of peer pressure. My SO is a bit of a push over!

I'm at home and can't get a job so I can't even afford to go see him and can't really go out much myself.

However when I do get chance to go out with friends here I don't feel as bad.

[Effie]

thanks guys... It's nice to know I'm not alone in this cause to be honest I don't know whether it's because he's a guy, it doesn't phase him or because he's hiding how he really feels but he never seems to get where I'm coming from.

We don't talk a lot because there's a 10.5 hour time difference and generally when he's home in the evening midweek I'm in college (as it's my morning) and at the weekend if I'm busy in the evening and he is too we can't talk at all. It's just difficult because generally when he says he's goin clubbin or whatever it means I won't hear from him at all for 2 or 3 days

[sabby64]

I have the same issue as you, pretty much what I found is you can't get upset when he tells you he's doing fun things because it will lead to nothing but arguments. It's soooo hard to do, but it's really worth it when you realize you're not fighting over little stuff anymore. Just think, in a few months you will be able to share in all of the fun things with him, and all of this distance and waiting will be worth it I distract myself with drawing or video games or calling up my mom to chat, anything to get my mind of things. It make everything alot easier when you're not just sitting around wishing you could be with him.

[Effie]

Thanks i've tried watching movies or tv but it doesn't seem to distract me. It's also becoming a problem because I'm in the final semester of my degree but when I sit down to study all these depressed thoughts take over!

[TknandLvnIt]

Focus on finishing your last semester :-). There is nothing to be depressed about you are in a loving relationship and even though its long distance its worth it. You may not be going out but you can still find things to occupy your time. And the sooner you finish your degree the closer you are to being able to close the distance.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I know it's tough...I've experienced this a little. It helps if you keep yourself occupied and busy too. That way you can tell him what you've been up to also. =] Also, focusing on your schoolwork helps a lot too because once that's over with, you'll be with him, and that's most certainly a great thing. What I've noticed moreso than getting jealous that he's out doing things is I get jealous of other couples when my boyfriend is away. If I see happy couples getting all lovey-dovey, it makes me so sad because I can't do that.

[nic&matt]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm stuck at home doing numerous things, hating school when he seems to be having all the time in the world and loving life. He also kinda pushes me to do stuff also, like hang out with friends and plan my own parties. We tell eachother our schedules in the beginning of the week so I can plan something big when I know he's doing something big. I would just keep busy as much as possible! You only have one more semester. You can do it!!!

[JessicaTran05]

yes, i had that exact same feeling and i can't help it. But I usually get over it by thinking that my SO should have fun and have a social life and I shouldn't be selfish. I only get a little bit jealous because I want to be there doing the exact same thing with my SO and jealous that my SO can spend time with other people but not me . How do I get over that feeling? and should you ever tell your SO about your feeling/ or should you hide it to avoid them being mad and getting into a fight about that is not a good thing?

[xopookie]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm stuck at home doing numerous things, hating school when he seems to be having all the time in the world and loving life. He also kinda pushes me to do stuff also, like hang out with friends and plan my own parties. We tell eachother our schedules in the beginning of the week so I can plan something big when I know he's doing something big. I would just keep busy as much as possible! You only have one more semester. You can do it!!!

^ I agree, by me being in a long distance relationship it pushes you more to be more independent! I think you should write love letters and just try to communicate more! Writing love letters will definitely help develop the relationship!