jealousy

[mllebamako]

I was curious what you all think about jealousy? Does this show mistrust or does it show that you care too much? What does jealousy in a relationship mean to you?

I don't mind a LITTLE bit of jealousy. I think it's healthy to be a bit jealous. But anything over-the-top is a huge turn-off for me and makes the person look possessive and mistrusting. Trust=sexy

[Dziubka]

I'm not jealous at all and I know from experience, that I can't deal with a jealous boyfriend.

Call me arrogant all you want, but I know I'm freaking awesome and there's no other girls, that are even remotely as cool as I am in my boyfriend's eyes. So there's nothing I need to be scared about. I know he goes out and parties and drinks and so do I. We can't stay at home alone on weekends, because we can't go out together. I'd sort of feel like it would have been false advertisement, if he had stopped going out when we became LDR. One of the things I like about him is that he enjyoys partying and meeting new people.
I need a man who has healthy self-confidence and not one that feels threatened by random people I meet at parties.

[Karringtyn]

Tissa, it's called trust. Plain and simple. If you can't trust the guy, and his past bothers you that much, you shouldn't be with him.
I never, ever tell my guy to call me when he gets in, I'm not his mother and he's an adult; free to do as he pleases. Its nice when he does, or sends a quick message letting me know he's on his way out, so not to wait for him, but it's not required and I don't worry he's doing anything wrong. I trust him. I'd NEVER be with him if I didn't.

Very well said. I will say that until this relationship I have NEVER had that trust.

Jealousy can KILL a relationship.

[Karringtyn]

If you guys can trust blindly, even knowing your man's/women's past, I am very glad you are able to do it. But not all the people are ready to just blindly trust like that. That blindness may hurt very badly if you find out the opposite.

If my SO based who I am on my past relationships then he would be a fool to be with me. Together we have earned that trust and he doesn't judge me for my mistakes and sins of my past. He has realized I have grown up and learned from them. To me that is true love.

[hippomambo]

IMO to feel jealous is a normal human reaction. To ACT jealous is a sign of internal insecurity and lack of trust (possibly with the world in general).
To let your SO know that something makes you uncomfortable because you're jealous...good, communicative and honest. The trust comes in when you trust them to do what's right or handle the situation instead of demanding they take a unreasonable course of action. IE someone flirts with your SO and you tell them "I don't feel comfortable with that" (normal jealousy expressed). Do you accept their word that they will deal with the flirter and/or that it wasn't meant seriously and you can trust them (the SO) or do you demand that they cut all contact with the overly flirty person? The former is the jealous but trusting response and the latter is the jealous and controlling response.

[vpavelock]

haha, I liked your answer. Yea I posted this because me and my boyfriend are in a constantly in that kind of scenario where we both are doing our own things, but we trust each other completely through it all. The jealousy for me though... I guess isn't really about girls. I occasionally get jealous of anything that consumes his time, because we're both so busy and have trouble getting on the same wavelength to talk, and sometimes I just want more things to be about me. I think it's the whole Long Distance thing making me crave attention.