What should I do?

[MHDaren]

Hi, I just got separated from my girlfriend and we have to be apart from approx. 1 year.

It has been only a week but it is getting complicated.

The first one or two days were all right. But later she was pissed off when I said I was really busy these days (indeed, I was struggling with accommodation and I do not have an income yet). Her mood was really low for the next few days and each time I called her, she only says she is uncomfortable and she does not have an appetite. What I feel is that she is torturing herself! I tried to make conversations but in vain. She does not seem want to talk about other stuff apart from her discomfort and bad mood.

I am already having difficulties here getting settled down and with my studies (I am doing medicine) and now I am feeling overwhelmed, don't know what to do. I tried to comfort her. At the beginning, it worked but the next time we talk, the situation get worse again and she just tells me how terrible she feels now. What drove me almost mad is that she said whatsoever happens to her does not concern me!

I know she is having a hard time, but I really do not know what to do now. How can I comfort her and make everything go smoothly?

Any help will be greatly appreciated.

[LadyEcstsasy]

*wince* this sounds all too familiar. I get in this kind of mood sometimes, where I get really depressed and it's all I can think about. I can't tell you what will work and what won't. With you being busy it might be tough for you to make time for her, but if you've got a webcam and skype (or other video-chat program), try setting up a video date with her on a weekend, give her something to look forward to, talk about it a lot to get her excited about spending some time with you, maybe suggest making dinner together on video and making the same meal (this can help get her back on track with eating, dietary issues can actually worsen depression). Maybe sending her sweet texts during the day as a suprise, or funny jokes if she's got a good sense of humor.

If she's still not lifting her mood, perhaps just tell her that she's really bringing you down and bumming you out too, that you're trying so hard to pull her out of her mood and she's just dragging you into it. Have a serious talk about what's upsetting her, have her make suggestions on what you can do to help if she can. Above all, just be patient with her as best you can.

[mllebamako]

Be patient. This is only the first week and the adjustment is difficult for both of you. Support her the best you can but remind her that it does get easier. Encourage her to find things to do outside of your relationship so that she isn't constantly focused on it. Does she have friends? Hobbies? etc