A big decision… or a wrong one?

[milaya]

Aww, you didn't have to answer me, hehe, it was for you to consider. You know we have your best interests at heart. <3

Yeah I know I didn't had to. Guess it was more for myself, like a check list. Or maybe to give people more information when it comes to giving me their opinion on my decision.

[samglam209]

From what you've said I think you have all your priorities in line and if your heart says yes then do it.

[MadMolly]

I do not believe in marriage in the spiritual sense, only the legal sense. So, as long as you think about what would happen if you divorced, then why not... If it doesn't work out it's a LOT messier than a usual breakup, that's the only thing. If you are prepared for that, then just do it. I think you're being very logical about this so you have a lot less to worry about than most OMG I LOVE HIM FOREVER AND EVER!!! types :P

[Micah]

I have been married. I got married young. You do change a lot in your 20's. I got married at 23 and divorced at 28. I dated my ex-husband 2.5 years before we got married as well. You can't live in fear that if you get married young it's not going to work out. People of all ages get divorced. I don't think your age should be a huge factor because age isn't anything but a number.

I think it is important that you are being realistic and level headed about it. It's great you have researched it as well. It is also important that you feel you know your SO well and you have had all those important talks. To me, you are not making a decision based solely upon emotions, which is a good thing because sometimes our hearts take control and we make silly decisions. You are weighing the pros and cons, which is very important. Marriage is a big commitment and it can be scary. I know that the next time I get married (if I do), I don't want to have ANY reservations about it. I want to go into it 100% sure I want to do it, with complete confidence. And I would suggest that to anybody that's going to get married. I think if you have to second guess doing it, or you are feeling pressured into it because of outside forces, then you likely are not ready to do it. Ultimately it is your decision. I just wish you good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[garnet]

I don't believe in time requirements when it comes to deciding to get married. Any marriage can fail, if you've known each other for 5 months, or 15 years. It's just the people, and if you feel it's time.
You are going into this with your eyes open, so if you feel like he's the one, I think you should go for it.

[lucybelle]

Both my sister and I have thought about marrying our SOs to close the distance sooner. Neither of us have done it. But I feel like it's a good option to consider. For me-- we didn't go through with it because we found another way to close the distance. For my sister-- she felt that getting married would change who she was.

In both situations I was excited about it happening and realistic about it ending. I think as long as you go in with an open mind, it's okay. There was a convenience marriage thread before. I'm all for it.

[milaya]

I do not believe in marriage in the spiritual sense, only the legal sense. So, as long as you think about what would happen if you divorced, then why not... If it doesn't work out it's a LOT messier than a usual breakup, that's the only thing. If you are prepared for that, then just do it. I think you're being very logical about this so you have a lot less to worry about than most OMG I LOVE HIM FOREVER AND EVER!!! types :P

I very much agree with your image of marriage. I've always just mostly seen it as a piece of paper, then when I started dating my SO I saw it as the best way to get a Visa and nothing more. And I definitely not one of the "for ever and ever" types.

I have been married. I got married young. You do change a lot in your 20's. I got married at 23 and divorced at 28. I dated my ex-husband 2.5 years before we got married as well. You can't live in fear that if you get married young it's not going to work out. People of all ages get divorced. I don't think your age should be a huge factor because age isn't anything but a number.

I think it is important that you are being realistic and level headed about it. It's great you have researched it as well. It is also important that you feel you know your SO well and you have had all those important talks. To me, you are not making a decision based solely upon emotions, which is a good thing because sometimes our hearts take control and we make silly decisions. You are weighing the pros and cons, which is very important. Marriage is a big commitment and it can be scary. I know that the next time I get married (if I do), I don't want to have ANY reservations about it. I want to go into it 100% sure I want to do it, with complete confidence. And I would suggest that to anybody that's going to get married. I think if you have to second guess doing it, or you are feeling pressured into it because of outside forces, then you likely are not ready to do it. Ultimately it is your decision. I just wish you good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Thank you for sharing I really appreciate it. Guess it's true that even if I dated my SO for 2-4 years or if I was 5-6 years older, I still can't make sure it wont end in a divorce. Because we can't control the future.
And, yes I would like to make this decision based on other factors than just my emotions.

I don't believe in time requirements when it comes to deciding to get married. Any marriage can fail, if you've known each other for 5 months, or 15 years. It's just the people, and if you feel it's time.
You are going into this with your eyes open, so if you feel like he's the one, I think you should go for it.

Often I also like the thought of "no time requirement" since a marriage is not 100%, like you said you can have dated for years or months and still end up in a divorce. Maybe it's the standards of my surroundings that like to "create" a more prefect timeframe, when it comes to dating and marriage.

[milaya]

Thank you all for your replies and opinions. I really appreciate it.
I have around 2 months to think this through carefully and my SO and I have also agreed that we can back out of this all the way up to right before we sign the papers, without any hard feelings. Since it is a big decision and I want us both to enter this marriage without any second thoughts or pressure.

There really is a lot of factors to consider. Like a lot of you has pointed out, I'm not the type of person to believe in fairytales, happily ever after and unchanging eternal love. I believe we're human and what we want, how we are and our general feelings change through time. Of course when entering a marriage it's hard to foresee these changes, so often what we have is our current relationship state.

Both my SO and I are very logical people and even when starting this relationship we thought about the pros and cons. I actually don't think we've even had the "honeymoon/everything is perfect" phase. Since we've known each others' flaws and weak points from the very beginning. Of course we've then discovered more on the way, but we've also changed through arguments and discussions to fit each other better and we've become better at dealing with our indifferences. Then of course we've had to consider if the remaining indifferences will become major problems down the road or we can live "peacefully" with them as we do now. So far we believe the answer is, yes.

Like pointed out earlier, we have discussed all the major "life" points, through our 11 months. Where we want to live, money, what we wish for the future, family life/rules/chores and etc. We agree. Then I have to consider if I miss out on something, being only 21 and married. Though I can't really think of something "youthful" I enjoy doing, I can't do married. I never liked big parties, clubbing, casual dating and etc.
Of course the 1000 dollar questions is, do I love him? Of course. He means the world to me and he is without a doubt my better half. I really wanted to say that he completes me, but Jerry Maguire ruined that line. And as things are right now, I do wish to share the rest of my life with him, if that is possible.

Once again, thank you everybody.

[H87]

I would do it in a heartbeat! If my SO asked me to marry him tomorrow I would; in fact we have joked about having a very small wedding in the very new future. Him and I have had problems; we broke up for a while and decided just to be friends, but now more then ever I know he is the one for me. If you can honestly say that you want to spend the rest of your life with him faults and all, then go for it; if you are hesitant, then don't.